In a relationship is sex more important to men or women?

[Anonymous]

There's so much heterogeneity in sex drives among people, the emotional importance of sex to people, DCUM is not a random or representative sample of the population, etc.

What does OP hope to gain from asking this question?

I suspect OP will not be any closer to knowing the answer after posting this question.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think women. It's one of the prime reason woman cheat on their spouses.

I think most women who cheat on their spouses have deep psychological issues. Every woman I know who has cheated after marriage has a history of sexual assault or childhood sexual trauma.

I don’t think women cheat just because they want sex the way that men do.

This is such nonsense and takes the responsibility and the agency away from women.

Women are still responsible for their actions. I didn’t mean to imply that the motive absolves them of responsibility.
I just meant that women cheat for much more complicated reasons than men do, and it’s never just about having an orgasm.

[Anonymous]

When I was with XH and we started couples counseling, XH said he wanted more sex because it helped him feel closer to me emotionally. So I put out weekly, with the exception of postpartum. Even leading up to the separation. I was in my 30s and truly believed I could be happy without having sex ever again.

I never felt XH was emotionally safe. Sex felt like a chore and I could only O in one position and would fantasize about other people and situations while it was happening. We never cuddled afterward.

Fast forward to separation and dating. I actually have a high libido. My new partner and I are very emotionally connected. I’ve never felt so taken care of and safe. I O multiple times. Plus my O’s now always include female ejaculation. I want sex frequently, almost nightly if I don’t have too much work. Sometimes we go multiple times.

Libido for women is very mental and emotional, I read a book on female sexuality (can’t recall title atm) and also desire needs to be stoked (Esther Perel).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think women. It's one of the prime reason woman cheat on their spouses.

I think most women who cheat on their spouses have deep psychological issues. Every woman I know who has cheated after marriage has a history of sexual assault or childhood sexual trauma.

I don’t think women cheat just because they want sex the way that men do.

This is such nonsense and takes the responsibility and the agency away from women.

Women are still responsible for their actions. I didn’t mean to imply that the motive absolves them of responsibility.
I just meant that women cheat for much more complicated reasons than men do, and it’s never just about having an orgasm.

I'm a woman and this simply isn't true. Some women cheat because of the reasons you state but women are perfectly capable of cheating for the same reasons men cheat. I doubt it's always about an O for a man either. If that were the case, men wouldn't have any many long term affairs as they do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When I was with XH and we started couples counseling, XH said he wanted more sex because it helped him feel closer to me emotionally. So I put out weekly, with the exception of postpartum. Even leading up to the separation. I was in my 30s and truly believed I could be happy without having sex ever again.

I never felt XH was emotionally safe. Sex felt like a chore and I could only O in one position and would fantasize about other people and situations while it was happening. We never cuddled afterward.

Fast forward to separation and dating. I actually have a high libido. My new partner and I are very emotionally connected. I’ve never felt so taken care of and safe. I O multiple times. Plus my O’s now always include female ejaculation. I want sex frequently, almost nightly if I don’t have too much work. Sometimes we go multiple times.

Libido for women is very mental and emotional, I read a book on female sexuality (can’t recall title atm) and also desire needs to be stoked (Esther Perel).

You know it's just pee, right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think women. It's one of the prime reason woman cheat on their spouses.

I think most women who cheat on their spouses have deep psychological issues. Every woman I know who has cheated after marriage has a history of sexual assault or childhood sexual trauma.

I don’t think women cheat just because they want sex the way that men do.

This is such nonsense and takes the responsibility and the agency away from women.

Women are still responsible for their actions. I didn’t mean to imply that the motive absolves them of responsibility.
I just meant that women cheat for much more complicated reasons than men do, and it’s never just about having an orgasm.

I'm a woman and this simply isn't true. Some women cheat because of the reasons you state but women are perfectly capable of cheating for the same reasons men cheat. I doubt it's always about an O for a man either. If that were the case, men wouldn't have any many long term affairs as they do.

I haven’t seen this in real life. Not post marriage and kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Am surprised by all the women saying it's more important to them.

Woman here, with an active s-x life in my 25 year marriage. Every woman I know is totally indifferent to sex in their marriage by mid 40s. Or if we think it is important, it is important only because our husbands think it is important - and we love our husbands so want to maintain that closeness with them through s-x. That is, if my DH thought watching netflix nightly was an important part of staying emotionally close, I would put a high priority on watching netflix nightly and would take pleasure from it because it keeps us close. Even if i don't have a personal desire to watch netflix. If our DHs decided tomorrow that they were all happy having s-x just once or twice a year, I don't know any women who would care.

I think the women responding and saying it is more important for women.... are likely in dead marriages and want to point to s-x as the problem when it's likely something else.

I agree with all of this.

No way!!!!!

DW in my 50s married 20 years here. Have weekly sex with DH, I would prefer 2-3x week and am dissatisfied with 1x, but this is where DH is now. Hoping I can get the number up in a few years when kids start leaving for college and I have more time to focus on DH.

I want it for myself… for us as a couple too, but I am definitely still in it for myself and not indifferent, and if DH only wanted 1-2x/year I would be miserable. I get restlessness after a day or two without… My drive has gone up over the past 5-10 years, his was probably higher in the baby years when mine was lower because I was pregnant or breastfeeding.

Agree with poster that said men peak earlier than women and it’s unfortunate on both sides. However, I do feel fortunate that I am still sexual and plan to be this way for a long time. Yes, things are a little dryer down there, but that’s what lube is for. Also maybe more delicate and different from my younger days, but I’m also more experienced and now I know my body better, and there are workarounds.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I feel like during peri menopause women care more.

When does peri menopause start? My wife just turned 40 and her sex drive is incredibly high. I love it. In fact sometimes I need to come up with excuses lol I can't keep up. Good problem to have though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think women. It's one of the prime reason woman cheat on their spouses.

I think most women who cheat on their spouses have deep psychological issues. Every woman I know who has cheated after marriage has a history of sexual assault or childhood sexual trauma.

I don’t think women cheat just because they want sex the way that men do.

This is such nonsense and takes the responsibility and the agency away from women.

Women are still responsible for their actions. I didn’t mean to imply that the motive absolves them of responsibility.
I just meant that women cheat for much more complicated reasons than men do, and it’s never just about having an orgasm.

I'm a woman and this simply isn't true. Some women cheat because of the reasons you state but women are perfectly capable of cheating for the same reasons men cheat. I doubt it's always about an O for a man either. If that were the case, men wouldn't have any many long term affairs as they do.[/quote]

Why not? As long as she keeps spreading her legs to be ran through what's stopping the man. I mean if you are allowed to go through red lights without consequences why stop?

[Anonymous]

Men. But age is a key factor. From what professionals have told me (I am a man), a majority of women become increasingly indifferent to sex by early 50s. If so, there seems to be some selection bias among the women visiting this forum -- many with higher-than-average libido, and many with husbands who have already peaked sexuallly (more than the overall male population).

[Anonymous]

Women are now more sexually liberated. We have achieved a lot of equality and more needs to be done of course. Today though a woman isn't going to be look at as a sl**t or whatever if she asks for more s_ex.

If you are a man who never had a woman who is vocal about her needs whoever she is horny man you are missing out big time. A woman who initiates equally is hot. I was always the initiator until I met my current girlfriend. Man she is wild I love it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When I was with XH and we started couples counseling, XH said he wanted more sex because it helped him feel closer to me emotionally. So I put out weekly, with the exception of postpartum. Even leading up to the separation. I was in my 30s and truly believed I could be happy without having sex ever again.

I never felt XH was emotionally safe. Sex felt like a chore and I could only O in one position and would fantasize about other people and situations while it was happening. We never cuddled afterward.

Fast forward to separation and dating. I actually have a high libido. My new partner and I are very emotionally connected. I’ve never felt so taken care of and safe. I O multiple times. Plus my O’s now always include female ejaculation. I want sex frequently, almost nightly if I don’t have too much work. Sometimes we go multiple times.

Libido for women is very mental and emotional, I read a book on female sexuality (can’t recall title atm) and also desire needs to be stoked (Esther Perel).

You know it's just pee, right?

It’s the nectar of the goddesses.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When I was with XH and we started couples counseling, XH said he wanted more sex because it helped him feel closer to me emotionally. So I put out weekly, with the exception of postpartum. Even leading up to the separation. I was in my 30s and truly believed I could be happy without having sex ever again.

I never felt XH was emotionally safe. Sex felt like a chore and I could only O in one position and would fantasize about other people and situations while it was happening. We never cuddled afterward.

Fast forward to separation and dating. I actually have a high libido. My new partner and I are very emotionally connected. I’ve never felt so taken care of and safe. I O multiple times. Plus my O’s now always include female ejaculation. I want sex frequently, almost nightly if I don’t have too much work. Sometimes we go multiple times.

Libido for women is very mental and emotional, I read a book on female sexuality (can’t recall title atm) and also desire needs to be stoked (Esther Perel).

You know it's just pee, right?

I have only seen it in porn and I don't care if it's pee or not I want to see it in real life cause that sh**t is hot such a turn on. I think very few women squirt.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel like during peri menopause women care more.

When does peri menopause start? My wife just turned 40 and her sex drive is incredibly high. I love it. In fact sometimes I need to come up with excuses lol I can't keep up. Good problem to have though.

Plenty of women remain interested in sex into their late 60s.

We’ve just all been fed this narrative around women not wanting and/or not being deserving pleasure unless it’s for procreation. Guess what! It’s hogwash.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When I was with XH and we started couples counseling, XH said he wanted more sex because it helped him feel closer to me emotionally. So I put out weekly, with the exception of postpartum. Even leading up to the separation. I was in my 30s and truly believed I could be happy without having sex ever again.

I never felt XH was emotionally safe. Sex felt like a chore and I could only O in one position and would fantasize about other people and situations while it was happening. We never cuddled afterward.

Fast forward to separation and dating. I actually have a high libido. My new partner and I are very emotionally connected. I’ve never felt so taken care of and safe. I O multiple times. Plus my O’s now always include female ejaculation. I want sex frequently, almost nightly if I don’t have too much work. Sometimes we go multiple times.

Libido for women is very mental and emotional, I read a book on female sexuality (can’t recall title atm) and also desire needs to be stoked (Esther Perel).

You know it's just pee, right?

It comes from the inside walls of my vagina, smells nothing like pee, has a slightly more slippery consistency and I am convinced it’s not pee. It may have some of the same ingredients but it comes from a totally different place. I have seen some studies that claim women just pee during orgasm and maybe some do but that’s not what happens to me when I squirt. I assure you mine is not pee. By your tone, I see you want to minimize anything possibly discussing women’s sexuality in positive terms, but I felt like I needed to share this with others reading.