In a relationship is sex more important to men or women?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel like during peri menopause women care more.

When does peri menopause start? My wife just turned 40 and her sex drive is incredibly high. I love it. In fact sometimes I need to come up with excuses lol I can't keep up. Good problem to have though.

It’s late 30s to mid 40s. I am 40 and I’m always ready to go. Was not the case when I was younger at all.

[Anonymous]

Of course, sex is more important to men—why is this even a question?

However, even within the sexes, there are differences, and libido is strongly linked with ambition and drive in other areas. Since ambitious, aggressive women are overrepresented on DCUM relative to the general population—and since such women often end up with weaker men—you see some women here saying that sex is more important to them than their husbands.

This anomaly is simply a byproduct of society’s promotion of feminism and disfavoring of traditional marriages.

[Anonymous]

This thread is funny to me. I’m a 43 yo woman, married 20 years, who still likes sex and wants it at least once or twice a week, sometimes more often depending on where I’m at in my cycle.

We have really great sex and I almost always come twice. He always goes downtown, which for me results in much more intense, toe curling orgasms. Why wouldn’t I want it?

[Anonymous]

It's men and it's not close. That is why almost all men say their love language is "touch.". It's also why men cheat so often and use escorts, sugar babies, etc

Which isn't to say that women don't like sex or that some marriages the woman is the higher drive. Just on average.

Also note how often long term married lesbians have sex. Half are sexless

[Anonymous]

More important to women, for sure. Especially age 40+ when many men are over it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When I was with XH and we started couples counseling, XH said he wanted more sex because it helped him feel closer to me emotionally. So I put out weekly, with the exception of postpartum. Even leading up to the separation. I was in my 30s and truly believed I could be happy without having sex ever again.

I never felt XH was emotionally safe. Sex felt like a chore and I could only O in one position and would fantasize about other people and situations while it was happening. We never cuddled afterward.

Fast forward to separation and dating. I actually have a high libido. My new partner and I are very emotionally connected. I’ve never felt so taken care of and safe. I O multiple times. Plus my O’s now always include female ejaculation. I want sex frequently, almost nightly if I don’t have too much work. Sometimes we go multiple times.

Libido for women is very mental and emotional, I read a book on female sexuality (can’t recall title atm) and also desire needs to be stoked (Esther Perel).

You know it's just pee, right?

It comes from the inside walls of my vagina, smells nothing like pee, has a slightly more slippery consistency and I am convinced it’s not pee. It may have some of the same ingredients but it comes from a totally different place. I have seen some studies that claim women just pee during orgasm and maybe some do but that’s not what happens to me when I squirt. I assure you mine is not pee. By your tone, I see you want to minimize anything possibly discussing women’s sexuality in positive terms, but I felt like I needed to share this with others reading.

Oh good there’s more of us! Yes men think it’s hot. It’s messy but it’s a sign that I’m really connecting with my partner. Never did it with XH.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:More important to women, for sure. Especially age 40+ when many men are over it.

Yes, lots of men over the age of 40 are not interested in sex. This is why men in this cohort famously date only women of similar ages, with whom they have more in common, and not younger women who are more sexually attractive.

[Anonymous]

Who are all these men who stop wanting sex after 45? All my friends husbands want sex close to every day still. But settle for a few times a week.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When I was with XH and we started couples counseling, XH said he wanted more sex because it helped him feel closer to me emotionally. So I put out weekly, with the exception of postpartum. Even leading up to the separation. I was in my 30s and truly believed I could be happy without having sex ever again.

I never felt XH was emotionally safe. Sex felt like a chore and I could only O in one position and would fantasize about other people and situations while it was happening. We never cuddled afterward.

Fast forward to separation and dating. I actually have a high libido. My new partner and I are very emotionally connected. I’ve never felt so taken care of and safe. I O multiple times. Plus my O’s now always include female ejaculation. I want sex frequently, almost nightly if I don’t have too much work. Sometimes we go multiple times.

Libido for women is very mental and emotional, I read a book on female sexuality (can’t recall title atm) and also desire needs to be stoked (Esther Perel).

You know it's just pee, right?

It comes from the inside walls of my vagina, smells nothing like pee, has a slightly more slippery consistency and I am convinced it’s not pee. It may have some of the same ingredients but it comes from a totally different place. I have seen some studies that claim women just pee during orgasm and maybe some do but that’s not what happens to me when I squirt. I assure you mine is not pee. By your tone, I see you want to minimize anything possibly discussing women’s sexuality in positive terms, but I felt like I needed to share this with others reading.

Your husband is lucky. I want my wife to squirt as well

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In a relationship is sex more important to men or women?

That would be an individual thing, not a gender thing.

Silly to say or think otherwise, though some silly fool will be along to say just that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:More important to women, for sure. Especially age 40+ when many men are over it.

Yes, lots of men over the age of 40 are not interested in sex. This is why men in this cohort famously date only women of similar ages, with whom they have more in common, and not younger women who are more sexually attractive.

Sarcasm detected.

[Anonymous]

I can only speak for myself, but in my case it's more important to me than to her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Am surprised by all the women saying it's more important to them.

Woman here, with an active s-x life in my 25 year marriage. Every woman I know is totally indifferent to sex in their marriage by mid 40s. Or if we think it is important, it is important only because our husbands think it is important - and we love our husbands so want to maintain that closeness with them through s-x. That is, if my DH thought watching netflix nightly was an important part of staying emotionally close, I would put a high priority on watching netflix nightly and would take pleasure from it because it keeps us close. Even if i don't have a personal desire to watch netflix. If our DHs decided tomorrow that they were all happy having s-x just once or twice a year, I don't know any women who would care.

I think the women responding and saying it is more important for women.... are likely in dead marriages and want to point to s-x as the problem when it's likely something else.

Good insights and thanks for sharing. I get the impression though at least on this forum women tend to desire more sex and are more vocal about it particularly when they get into their 40s. It seems to me biologically women get hornier than men as they age which is horrible for men timing wise as most men are older by their spouses by at least couple of years and are likely to peak soon. And further stress has a massive negative impact on a man's libido more so than a woman.

There are a few vey vocal woman and many more who don't want it and don't want to talk about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Who are all these men who stop wanting sex after 45? All my friends husbands want sex close to every day still. But settle for a few times a week.

The only answer that makes sense is diabetic apneic obese men. Which is a lot of men these days.

Obese woman can be sexually stimulated more easily than obese men, so onesit won't slow down their sexual energy

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In a marriage without a doubt in the long run it's more important to women and it's a great source of tension among couples. Men unfortunately can peak sexually very early. Some men as early as their 40s they will be fine just fine being in a sexless marriage. For women if they agree to it it's 99.99% because they are choosing to compromise.

I am not a medica expert but it's possible that women release different hormones compared to men when they have sex and sex is really important to them.

Who told you this story in high school.