At what point do you or will you make your kids leave home

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think the challenge from what I've seen is that if the AC is working and not paying for expenses like rent and groceries it distorts their view of a budget as having the entire paycheck available for discretionary expenses. I think requiring an AC to pay rent and contribute to groceries can reduce the risk of this particular issue.

This 1000%

The AC needs to budget and understand that living at home is not a ticket to just spend 25% of their salary on "entertainment". If my kid was not able to save on their own (what normal rent would be or close to it), I would charge them rent and give it back once they were able to move out.

But I would not allow my kid to live at home so they could "live up life" because they don't have rent or food or utlitily expenses.

[Anonymous]

Our eldest (22) is living here now post college and we love it. He’s working FT while he saves $$ for his own place, is great company, respects boundaries, and does household chores without asking. I really don’t see any of this as negative….

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We are immigrants settled in DMV area. We do not have a "home town" to return to. Our kids may decide to settle down here when they are ready for kids. And they have free home for the rest of their lives with us. They can live with when they are single, married, with kids, with pets etc - because this is their home base and sanctuary.

The reason I am willing to do all this for them is because they are good kids, high achievers, family oriented, moral, hard workers and pleasant, well-adjusted individuals.

This is my position, as well. This is their home, their sanctuary. But intergenerational living was common on both sides of my families (grandparents were immigrants, as well). It is helpful for everyone.

Same here although I'm a first/second generation family. Intergenerational living is well received in my family, as is living more independently, just depending on personal preferences and what makes the most sense a the time. I view my home as our home, and our kids are welcome here any time for as long as they need. That said, we expect and receive kindness, love and good will from each other and our kids receive the same from us (other than the normal intermittent difficulties that we generally work out pretty well). I might feel differently if my kids were different people, or I felt they needed a loving nudge out of the nest, but they are independent, competent, hard-working and directed, so I'm not predicting that will happen (though who ever knows?!?)

[Anonymous]

Never. Have child with serious medical needs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Our eldest (22) is living here now post college and we love it. He’s working FT while he saves $$ for his own place, is great company, respects boundaries, and does household chores without asking. I really don’t see any of this as negative….

It's not to a normal person. Smart move for kids to live at home (if they can) and save for a few years. Owning home by 25/26 and/or simply paying off their student loans early is a huge boost to long term financial success.

[Anonymous]

As a continental European, I think it's normal to live with your parents in your 20s, especially if you are in college and grad school - most campuses do not offer dorms, and renting rooms is expensive, so if you live within commuting distance to school, you stay home. This is what my cousins, friends and I did, except the ones who came from the countryside and were forced to rent. One acquaintance rented in a nun's convent, apparently they let rooms to young women. Then I came to the US for grad school with my boyfriend, now husband.

Lots of young adults in Europe and Asia live with their parents after university until they can afford a home, because real estate is so expensive there compared to income.

This is perhaps not the norm in this country, but it may soon be, at least in high COL areas of the US.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As a continental European, I think it's normal to live with your parents in your 20s, especially if you are in college and grad school - most campuses do not offer dorms, and renting rooms is expensive, so if you live within commuting distance to school, you stay home. This is what my cousins, friends and I did, except the ones who came from the countryside and were forced to rent. One acquaintance rented in a nun's convent, apparently they let rooms to young women. Then I came to the US for grad school with my boyfriend, now husband.

Lots of young adults in Europe and Asia live with their parents after university until they can afford a home, because real estate is so expensive there compared to income.

This is perhaps not the norm in this country, but it may soon be, at least in high COL areas of the US.

100% Some of you all need to check your expectations. It's expensive and difficult for these "kids" coming out of college.

[Anonymous]

Never

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Our eldest (22) is living here now post college and we love it. He’s working FT while he saves $$ for his own place, is great company, respects boundaries, and does household chores without asking. I really don’t see any of this as negative….

AC like above, live at home. AC not working or not helping/respectful (looking at you, unemployed basement gamer) should not br allowed to live with parents past HS and if quits HS, they are announcing adult so they should move out then.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a continental European, I think it's normal to live with your parents in your 20s, especially if you are in college and grad school - most campuses do not offer dorms, and renting rooms is expensive, so if you live within commuting distance to school, you stay home. This is what my cousins, friends and I did, except the ones who came from the countryside and were forced to rent. One acquaintance rented in a nun's convent, apparently they let rooms to young women. Then I came to the US for grad school with my boyfriend, now husband.

Lots of young adults in Europe and Asia live with their parents after university until they can afford a home, because real estate is so expensive there compared to income.

This is perhaps not the norm in this country, but it may soon be, at least in high COL areas of the US.

100% Some of you all need to check your expectations. It's expensive and difficult for these "kids" coming out of college.

Europe is quite different in terms of the job market. Read the WSJ article about tourists in Lisbon and AirBnBs driving up rental markets.

College grads are paid shockingly little. Like 1500 -2000 Euros per month, of which 80% or more would get eaten up by just rental costs.

Now, there is no student debt and no healthcare costs…but it’s crazy how low wages are for jobs in the US that pay 3x the equivalent in Europe.

Ironically, the same reason you have many Americans retiring to Portugal because overall costs are low.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I find the American rush to kick your kids out of the house at 18 so strange. I moved out when I married at 26. And my brother moved out when he joined the air force at 23. I'm now 35 and my parents still keep a room for both of us, and remind me all the time that I'm always welcome to come home. My husband's parents have a similar attitude, and I plan to do the same for my own kids. When our parents get older and they need somewhere to go, they will have a home with us as well. That's what being a family means.

I don't think of living alone as some right of passage that indicates you're now an adult. Living alone is expensive, and frankly a waste of money, until you have an actual need for the space (ie. A family of your own).

So, you attended college in your home town and lived with your parents while in college? Living alone is a privilege. It is expensive, but totally worth it. My daughter lives along now in DC, even though we have a big house in DC suburbs. I am happy she is doing this now, before she has to share house with husband and kids. This time to spend alone is precious and I think every young person should have it if they can afford it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Seems so many kids live at home into their mid twenties if not longer.

How do you decide to let your adult stay at home, or move back home, and what factors are part of your decision? Are you genuinely happy about or okay with it? Do you feel it is a part of parenting responsibility? What type of boundaries (if any) factor into your decision?

I'm struggling with this somewhat and curious on perspectives and how people justify their paths and what seems to be an extra 10 years of immediate vicinity parenting like relationship continuance. My mindset needs help.

It somewhat depends on the child. For our first child, we suggested they move in for a year after college as their job was within commuting distance. This was with the understanding that they would max their company’s 401k and save monthly what they would have paid if they lived on their own. We thought that way they would have a year to save up a good nest egg and figure out heir social life and work life and be able to target an area to live. They graduated from college in Dec. 2019 and started their job at the end of January 2020. It turned out to be the best thing as they were not stuck alone in an apartment 24/7. They ended up staying 2 1/2 years due to Covid. They saved enough for a nice down payment when they decide to buy. They have been in their own apartment for 2 years now.

Our second child has had some spits and starts. They were greatly affected by Covid in college and took a year after undergrad to apply to graduate schools. They spent a year in grad school and it was just not working out so they moved home again. They are now looking for a job. If they find one within a commutable distance, they will probably live at home for a bit too. Their mix of strengths and weaknesses makes it more complicated than their sibling.

Both have challenges that generally mean a longer launch period.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a continental European, I think it's normal to live with your parents in your 20s, especially if you are in college and grad school - most campuses do not offer dorms, and renting rooms is expensive, so if you live within commuting distance to school, you stay home. This is what my cousins, friends and I did, except the ones who came from the countryside and were forced to rent. One acquaintance rented in a nun's convent, apparently they let rooms to young women. Then I came to the US for grad school with my boyfriend, now husband.

Lots of young adults in Europe and Asia live with their parents after university until they can afford a home, because real estate is so expensive there compared to income.

This is perhaps not the norm in this country, but it may soon be, at least in high COL areas of the US.

100% Some of you all need to check your expectations. It's expensive and difficult for these "kids" coming out of college.

Europe is quite different in terms of the job market. Read the WSJ article about tourists in Lisbon and AirBnBs driving up rental markets.

College grads are paid shockingly little. Like 1500 -2000 Euros per month, of which 80% or more would get eaten up by just rental costs.

Now, there is no student debt and no healthcare costs…but it’s crazy how low wages are for jobs in the US that pay 3x the equivalent in Europe.

Ironically, the same reason you have many Americans retiring to Portugal because overall costs are low.

The Portugal option has been so successful that Portugal is now limiting where in Portugal you can settle.

[Anonymous]

We have a small 3 bedroom house with 5 of us and I work from home. It’s tight! No basement, home office, etc. We’re tripping over each other. We should have moved years ago but I remember thinking that the kids would be going off to college soon. I now realize that during college they’re still here or at least their stuff is and mine come home summers. And then they come back! My oldest graduated and returned home. I don’t have a timeline as long as they’re working. They don’t make enough to move out. I like having them around but I also feel like I’m ready to reclaim that bedroom for my home office. But there’s no end in sight. I just remind myself that one day I will miss my full house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think the challenge from what I've seen is that if the AC is working and not paying for expenses like rent and groceries it distorts their view of a budget as having the entire paycheck available for discretionary expenses. I think requiring an AC to pay rent and contribute to groceries can reduce the risk of this particular issue.

We solved that by coming up with a budget of what it would cost them to live away (and padding it) and had them save at least that (plus 401k) contributions. That way, they had their emergency fund and an excellent start to a down payment before they moved out. They also had a more realistic grasp of their discretionary expenses.