At what point do you or will you make your kids leave home

[Anonymous]

Never if I can afford it.

[Anonymous]

My 21 yr old, a senior in college this upcoming school year, and my DH butt heads all.the.time. Two strong-willed men, one with surging testosterone, one approaching 60 and feeling the loss of his youth/strength, has not been a good mix. I'd love it if DS would live with us for a year or so after graduation so he can start his career and save some money, but instead I'm encouraging him to ensure he has a good job upon graduation where he can move out and support himself. We can barely survive summer breaks.

So I'd say it really depends on the circumstances.

But I've also had friends (mainly women, but also a couple guys) who lived such a comfortable existence at home, they didn't move out until their 30s. I think it's a good idea that if your kids are living at home, there is the goal that they "launch" at some point. IMO, that's by 25.

[Anonymous]

Are you all assuming your kids will work locally? If your kids leave the state for college, there is a good chance they will not return to their home area.

[Anonymous]

Never

[Anonymous]

I have one who couldn't wait to get out and one who keeps boomeranging in and out of our house as she figures out her future. She's 24 and has lived abroad and out of state since college. She's currently subletting in NYC, but will be back home when that ends. When she has a stable full-time position, which is challenging in NYC for young people, she will move into the city permanently.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have one who couldn't wait to get out and one who keeps boomeranging in and out of our house as she figures out her future. She's 24 and has lived abroad and out of state since college. She's currently subletting in NYC, but will be back home when that ends. When she has a stable full-time position, which is challenging in NYC for young people, she will move into the city permanently.

I did this, too. Moved out permanently at 23, but then got laid off, so moved back home until I found a FT job and saved a bit, then moved out again at 26.

I'll do the same for my kids. They both want to be independent (we've always encouraged them to be so), but they also want to get away from my mothering But, if they need time to regroup, they will always be welcomed back.

But, my spouse and I are planning to move out of this area in 10 years (youngest will be 25). So, if they need to come back, they'll have to come back to wherever we land.

[Anonymous]

We are immigrants settled in DMV area. We do not have a "home town" to return to. Our kids may decide to settle down here when they are ready for kids. And they have free home for the rest of their lives with us. They can live with when they are single, married, with kids, with pets etc - because this is their home base and sanctuary.

The reason I am willing to do all this for them is because they are good kids, high achievers, family oriented, moral, hard workers and pleasant, well-adjusted individuals.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We are immigrants settled in DMV area. We do not have a "home town" to return to. Our kids may decide to settle down here when they are ready for kids. And they have free home for the rest of their lives with us. They can live with when they are single, married, with kids, with pets etc - because this is their home base and sanctuary.

The reason I am willing to do all this for them is because they are good kids, high achievers, family oriented, moral, hard workers and pleasant, well-adjusted individuals.

This is my position, as well. This is their home, their sanctuary. But intergenerational living was common on both sides of my families (grandparents were immigrants, as well). It is helpful for everyone.

[Anonymous]

I have girls and they are little still. Im ok of they live at home while working, especially of they end up going into a helping profession that pays less. Rather live at home than with a boyfriend they need to cater to. I lived at home for 6 months after graduating and getting first job. Saved for a deposit and a car. My parents had an early curfew for me and i ended up making dinner for everyone half the time. So i moved out to be independent, they were pissed i moved and wasted money on rent. I loved the first couple years living alone.

[Anonymous]

My DD is pretty ambitious and money motivated so I don't think she'll have a problem being independent or starting her career. She's welcome to come home after graduation and stay for as long as she likes, we have a big house, and she can save money. But she is a world traveler and I wouldn't be surprised if she ends up on another continent. She can always come home, we will always be a safety net.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If anyone is living with me at age 30, I plan to sell the house and give each kid an equal amount of the proceeds for a down payment for their own place, and I'll move into a 1-BR condo.

I assume you would only do this if your kids are gainfully employed in decent jobs vs the more typical underemployed 30 year old still living at home.

That's simply not the case anymore. My DD is 30 and lives at home again because she was tired of roommates and their drama. She's a teacher and unable to afford living solo on her salary. Several of her colleagues also live with their parents in MIL suites or basements that were converted into apartments. My neighbor's son lives at home as a fed. He's in his 30s now but moved back in when he was in his 20s after a breakup. He's been saving to buy his own place but keeps getting outbid. My niece and her husband, both of whom have excellent salaries in this area, are contemplating moving into her ILs garage apartment because they also keep getting outbid.

[Anonymous]

I think the challenge from what I've seen is that if the AC is working and not paying for expenses like rent and groceries it distorts their view of a budget as having the entire paycheck available for discretionary expenses. I think requiring an AC to pay rent and contribute to groceries can reduce the risk of this particular issue.

[Anonymous]

I still have my 27 year old dd living at home and she can stay as long as she wants. She has a great job making good money and pays for all of her own expenses. She has an active life and travels often and is able to save so when she finally does leave she'll have a nice amount to start with.

We also have a 29 year old who technically doesn't live in our house but resides in the apartment above us with her husband and 2 sons. So yes she's not with us but she's just a few steps upstairs from us.

We also have an 18 year old at home starting trade school.

We enjoy having our daughters and grandsons around as much as they enjoying being here. We are a very close family who communicate daily about our days and just what's going on in our lives and I would deeply miss there interactions when they decide to leave.

[Anonymous]

When they graduate from college.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’ve had family live with me for years at a time - parents, siblings, and friends. They all moved out when things improved/changed for them. I lived with my in-laws & my aunt & uncle when I was younger, and then moved.
What’s the problem? Do you not like them around - they are cramping your habits? Or you are afraid of a permanent arrangement?

I would guess that MOST kids do not want to live with their parents till they die. Most have other dreams. So I would give them space until they move on, if that is comfortable for you.

The problem is that not all family members are pleasant to live with.