At what point do you or will you make your kids leave home

[Anonymous]

Seems so many kids live at home into their mid twenties if not longer.

How do you decide to let your adult stay at home, or move back home, and what factors are part of your decision? Are you genuinely happy about or okay with it? Do you feel it is a part of parenting responsibility? What type of boundaries (if any) factor into your decision?

I'm struggling with this somewhat and curious on perspectives and how people justify their paths and what seems to be an extra 10 years of immediate vicinity parenting like relationship continuance. My mindset needs help.

[Anonymous]

My adult kids are free to take all the time they need. They work and go to college. One lives with us, works full time and commutes to college. We hardly see him, and he's saving money. He has a long term girlfriend, so I figure he won't move out until they get engaged, and move in together. That's fine, he's responsible and respectful with cleaning up after himself, doing dishes, taking trash out or whatever else he sees that needs to be done.

[Anonymous]

If anyone is living with me at age 30, I plan to sell the house and give each kid an equal amount of the proceeds for a down payment for their own place, and I'll move into a 1-BR condo.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If anyone is living with me at age 30, I plan to sell the house and give each kid an equal amount of the proceeds for a down payment for their own place, and I'll move into a 1-BR condo.

I assume you would only do this if your kids are gainfully employed in decent jobs vs the more typical underemployed 30 year old still living at home.

[Anonymous]

If I had a big house I wouldn't care if they stayed until 25.We live in a fairly small condo and they know to get out after high school.
They can live with roommates, in a dorm, but I can also buy them a condo in the same building or nearby.
The kid has their own investment account, so it's not that they will be homeless or even have to work.
I want them near, just not in my small condo.

[Anonymous]

I find the American rush to kick your kids out of the house at 18 so strange. I moved out when I married at 26. And my brother moved out when he joined the air force at 23. I'm now 35 and my parents still keep a room for both of us, and remind me all the time that I'm always welcome to come home. My husband's parents have a similar attitude, and I plan to do the same for my own kids. When our parents get older and they need somewhere to go, they will have a home with us as well. That's what being a family means.

I don't think of living alone as some right of passage that indicates you're now an adult. Living alone is expensive, and frankly a waste of money, until you have an actual need for the space (ie. A family of your own).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I find the American rush to kick your kids out of the house at 18 so strange. I moved out when I married at 26. And my brother moved out when he joined the air force at 23. I'm now 35 and my parents still keep a room for both of us, and remind me all the time that I'm always welcome to come home. My husband's parents have a similar attitude, and I plan to do the same for my own kids. When our parents get older and they need somewhere to go, they will have a home with us as well. That's what being a family means.

I don't think of living alone as some right of passage that indicates you're now an adult. Living alone is expensive, and frankly a waste of money, until you have an actual need for the space (ie. A family of your own).

I like the family compound idea…everyone has their own space but there are young and old able to help with childcare or elder care.

A twist on all this is I don’t see my kids wanting to settle in the DMV, so we will have to move to them.

[Anonymous]

My best friends H died while her middle child was a F in college, he failed out lived home did UMGC. He graduated at 25 and is in graduate school but commuting while working as an accountant. I suspect he will move out at 30. Seems reasonable.

My oldest “moved out at 18” but we paid rent through graduate school. I wish he would moved home ( 25) to save a down payment but he won’t. Seems silly he’d have all his down payment in 2 years. Kids!

My youngest lives at home, works a late shift, “catering”. He’s home at 9-10 pm every night, I never see him. His fiancée is in med school local lives at home. I figure he will move out when she is done. He pays me rent which will be returned to him upon buying a house .. it will be about $25k, I’m guessing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I find the American rush to kick your kids out of the house at 18 so strange. I moved out when I married at 26. And my brother moved out when he joined the air force at 23. I'm now 35 and my parents still keep a room for both of us, and remind me all the time that I'm always welcome to come home. My husband's parents have a similar attitude, and I plan to do the same for my own kids. When our parents get older and they need somewhere to go, they will have a home with us as well. That's what being a family means.

I don't think of living alone as some right of passage that indicates you're now an adult. Living alone is expensive, and frankly a waste of money, until you have an actual need for the space (ie. A family of your own).

I'm not from the US and my friends and I all moved out, as in we got jobs after college and were on our own. But maybe it's because I am from a very small town: getting a professional job there was just not possible, we all moved to cities.

[Anonymous]

Never, but I would charge them rent. You can save it for them for a downpayment if you like, but everyone pays rent.

[Anonymous]

I have a disrespectful, deceitful, 19yo who failed out of college and blames me or others for everything . I’m thinking it’s time to go in order for our relationship to ever improve. Thoughts?

[Anonymous]

I think ~ 22 is when they need to be fully independent adults, living alone or with roommates and no longer receiving financial help.

[Anonymous]

Barring mental health issues, they need to not make my house their home once they graduate from college. If they are grad school I will pay for their housing if needed.

I need my space.

[Anonymous]

I’ve had family live with me for years at a time - parents, siblings, and friends. They all moved out when things improved/changed for them. I lived with my in-laws & my aunt & uncle when I was younger, and then moved.
What’s the problem? Do you not like them around - they are cramping your habits? Or you are afraid of a permanent arrangement?

I would guess that MOST kids do not want to live with their parents till they die. Most have other dreams. So I would give them space until they move on, if that is comfortable for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I find the American rush to kick your kids out of the house at 18 so strange. I moved out when I married at 26. And my brother moved out when he joined the air force at 23. I'm now 35 and my parents still keep a room for both of us, and remind me all the time that I'm always welcome to come home. My husband's parents have a similar attitude, and I plan to do the same for my own kids. When our parents get older and they need somewhere to go, they will have a home with us as well. That's what being a family means.

I don't think of living alone as some right of passage that indicates you're now an adult. Living alone is expensive, and frankly a waste of money, until you have an actual need for the space (ie. A family of your own).

Same. I would actually love it if my kid moved home for a bit after college and if they did I wouldn’t have an artificial deadline to kick them out as long as they were budgeting and saving money.

I don’t actually think that will happen though unless we hit a recession