Help: 14 years boy told mom he is a gay.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP,

Your fourteen year old son has no business being involved sexually with anyone at his age.

And one of the most important things you can discuss with him are the potentially life-altering (and even life-ending) consequences of premature sexual activity with anyone.

You can also discuss the wisdom of refraining from labeling himself (or even worse, accepting labels — and “boyfriends” — casually assigned to him by other immature peers) while he is still figuring things out.

Not liking the company, and especially the romantic company, of girls at his age is normal.

One of the worst and most terrible lies young people today have fed to them is that they are more or less obliged to act out sexually at the earliest possible opportunity.

Especially today, young people have a great deal to get through before any kind of meaningful pairing up makes any sense.

Responding to several posts:

1. Nothing in this post says a thing about homosexuality. That is not an accident. Regardless what a person might ultimately determine their orientation to be, the time to do that very rarely is age 14, and taking up with a same sex partner chosen by an immature person of the opposite sex is very likely a poor means as well.

2. If “nature and hormones” are all that exists, nothing separates humans from animals. We expect young people to exercise self-restraint, discipline and a long term view of life when it comes to their education, their health and many other aspects of life. But when it comes to acting out sexually, suddenly intellect and will mean vanish and they are left with only the passions and governed exclusively by “nature and hormones.” Please. That’s just silly.

3. There are tons of things fourteen year olds can do to improve themselves, their lives, and the world about them. It is far better for them to be involved in those instead of chasing the momentary satisfaction of pleasant friction that can actually get in the way of meaningful self discovery.

[Anonymous]

I don't think that means he's gay. They haven't even finished going through puberty yet. Maybe he feels safer around girls.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you from another culture, OP? One that doesn't accept homosexuality?

What is "another culture"?

Surely OP and kid are in the same culture.

Are you being purposefully obtuse? You know damn well that the poster meant not American culture. I'm an immigrant and that's what I gathered from his post and writing style was well.

You think American culture is gay friendly?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like you are against him being gay. If that is true perhaps some counseling for you is in order before you discuss it with him any further. You don't want to damage your relationship with him at this point I'm sure. Get some help to put this news in good perspective.

Not a bad idea. This is huge for YOU and you want to help your child so you can use some help processing it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you from another culture, OP? One that doesn't accept homosexuality?

What is "another culture"?

Surely OP and kid are in the same culture.

Are you being purposefully obtuse? You know damn well that the poster meant not American culture. I'm an immigrant and that's what I gathered from his post and writing style was well.

You think American culture is gay friendly?

Considering I come from a place where it’s a LOT worse, I’d say it’s friendlier than a lot of places. I’m not denying the issues, believe me, which is why I said up thread that a 14 year old coming out deserves to be supported at home first and foremost.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Please let this be a troll.

He is gay OP. That's it. That's all it is. He finds men attractive and is not attracted to females. Perfectly normal.

I hope you said, thank you for telling me. We support you and love you. But I have a strange feeling this core memory for your son was tarnished by you. WTF are you talking about doctors, touching, and counselors. Jesus

+1

[Anonymous]

Three years ago, in late elementary school, our daughter told us she was gay. We basically said okay and that we supported her but we didn’t harp on it. Its come up a few times since, where she said she didn’t like boys, and we said that was fine. As the middle school years went on, we had the regular talks about dating and sex and consent and internet safety (with our oldest too) and didn’t specifically say anything about gender. Most of it applies for all. This past year she seems more interested in boys than girls but we are taking her lead in all conversations.

So basically, just go with it, listen and be there for your kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't think that means he's gay. They haven't even finished going through puberty yet. Maybe he feels safer around girls.

Jesus this thread is torture to read. People know they are gay WAY before puberty. Some suppress it. Some don’t understand it. But they all know.

Stop being so uneducated.

[Anonymous]

OP, he could be gay, straight, bi, non binary, asexual, or anything else. It may change and it may not. WHO CARES?!?

Support him no matter what. The End

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Please let this be a troll.

He is gay OP. That's it. That's all it is. He finds men attractive and is not attracted to females. Perfectly normal.

I hope you said, thank you for telling me. We support you and love you. But I have a strange feeling this core memory for your son was tarnished by you. WTF are you talking about doctors, touching, and counselors. Jesus

+1

I mean, yes. But, I think it’s ok (ok is not the right word) that parents need some time to adjust. This parent seems to be form a culture where being gay isn’t considered normal. That is the case even for many Americans. If the parent strives to learn and understand and move toward what you’re saying about love and support, that will be the end story. And I do think the PP made good points about the girls influencing what your son is thinking. It’s a confusing time. Just be there to support and learn. And be open minded.

[Anonymous]

With all the challenges in the world for kids being a gay is a concern and nothing wrong with counseling

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just love your kid.

Let them know you're there for them. Let them know that whoever they prefer, they should be safe, and that a partner should always be kind and respectful. Welcome a boyfriend into your home the same way you would welcome any friend or partner. Follow his lead and keep an open line of a communication.

A doctor isn't needed, because there's nothing wrong with him. If he is anxious or needs someone else to talk to, a therapist can be great, but that's up to him.

If he is advanced enough in his sexual identity to come out to his parents, he is certainly realizing his own sexual maturity and natural adolescent urges.

A doctors visit IS needed here, but it needs to be a doctor familiar with PREP who can prescribe.

Look OP, if he is not already having sex, he soon will (which is why you need to immediately provide condoms and make sure he knows to use them for both oral and anal).

But PREP is also needed. Condoms break. Teenagers are impulsive and - in the heat of the moment - unprotected anal sex happens, but PREP is his best shot at avoiding HiV.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you from another culture, OP? One that doesn't accept homosexuality?

What is "another culture"?

Surely OP and kid are in the same culture.

Are you being purposefully obtuse? You know damn well that the poster meant not American culture. I'm an immigrant and that's what I gathered from his post and writing style was well.

You think American culture is gay friendly?

Compared to this?

https://www.newsweek.com/73-countries-where-its-illegal-be-gay-1385974

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think that means he's gay. They haven't even finished going through puberty yet. Maybe he feels safer around girls.

Jesus this thread is torture to read. People know they are gay WAY before puberty. Some suppress it. Some don’t understand it. But they all know.

Stop being so uneducated.

+1000. When a 10yo boy has a crush on a girl nobody says, “How can he know???” And this kid is 14!

[Anonymous]

Just let him know you love and support him. Also that you’re glad he felt comfortable enough to tell you this and you’ll always there for him.