Help: 14 years boy told mom he is a gay.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DS is 8th grade, plays a team sport in State level, and has very good academic at school. He takes care his school study well and works hard in his travel team practice/games.
He is our only child, is quiet at home most of the time, not much talk with us, behavior normal. This week he suddenly told mom that he is a gay, he said he feel more comfortable to stay with girls, but does not like girls at all. His school friends know this and some girl even introduced a boyfriend to him. He said he has no body touch with other boys yet.

We are a bit shocked for this, we are going to have a more in-depth conversation see how serious he is. And should we take him to see a doctor/counselor to assess him? or just treat this as adolescent rebellion and this minds may go away when he in HS/College?

I would just make very clear to him you still love him very much despite this happening to him, and that you will always be there to support him as he works through this difficult and challenging time in his life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DS is 8th grade, plays a team sport in State level, and has very good academic at school. He takes care his school study well and works hard in his travel team practice/games.
He is our only child, is quiet at home most of the time, not much talk with us, behavior normal. This week he suddenly told mom that he is a gay, he said he feel more comfortable to stay with girls, but does not like girls at all. His school friends know this and some girl even introduced a boyfriend to him. He said he has no body touch with other boys yet.

We are a bit shocked for this, we are going to have a more in-depth conversation see how serious he is. And should we take him to see a doctor/counselor to assess him? or just treat this as adolescent rebellion and this minds may go away when he in HS/College?

I would just make very clear to him you still love him very much despite this happening to him, and that you will always be there to support him as he works through this difficult and challenging time in his life.

No, not “despite this happening to him”. Totally wrong language. Nothing happened to him. And certainly nothing that requires a qualifier “I love you even though…” Just “I love you.” Full stop.

[Anonymous]

I’d be a lot more inclined to believe the “coming out” was insincere if the kid was claiming to be bisexual. He’s not; he’s saying he’s gay. He won’t receive many advantages because of his sexuality. Gay guys get a lot of stigma to offset the cred they get for being lgbt.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DS is 8th grade, plays a team sport in State level, and has very good academic at school. He takes care his school study well and works hard in his travel team practice/games.
He is our only child, is quiet at home most of the time, not much talk with us, behavior normal. This week he suddenly told mom that he is a gay, he said he feel more comfortable to stay with girls, but does not like girls at all. His school friends know this and some girl even introduced a boyfriend to him. He said he has no body touch with other boys yet.

We are a bit shocked for this, we are going to have a more in-depth conversation see how serious he is. And should we take him to see a doctor/counselor to assess him? or just treat this as adolescent rebellion and this minds may go away when he in HS/College?

Is it possible his friends are trying to define his sexuality while all he wants is their acceptance as he doesn't like hanging out with inconsiderate male cohort at his middle school? I'm sure they mean well and trying to help according to their maturity level. Good thing is that moving to high school would shuffle kids and he may find same gender friends he feel comfortable with.

As far as him being gay or not, that would become clearer to him and you with time. No need to worry about that. Just support him in feeling comfortable with who he is, whatever that may be. Mental health is more important than labels.

[Anonymous]

*no matter what one's sexual preferences are, they should have a diverse group of friends and not limit themselves to people with same gender identity, sexual orientation, race, religion, culture etc.

[Anonymous]

It sounds like you are against him being gay. If that is true perhaps some counseling for you is in order before you discuss it with him any further. You don't want to damage your relationship with him at this point I'm sure. Get some help to put this news in good perspective.

[Anonymous]

Just love your kid.

Let them know you're there for them. Let them know that whoever they prefer, they should be safe, and that a partner should always be kind and respectful. Welcome a boyfriend into your home the same way you would welcome any friend or partner. Follow his lead and keep an open line of a communication.

A doctor isn't needed, because there's nothing wrong with him. If he is anxious or needs someone else to talk to, a therapist can be great, but that's up to him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Please let this be a troll.

He is gay OP. That's it. That's all it is. He finds men attractive and is not attracted to females. Perfectly normal.

I hope you said, thank you for telling me. We support you and love you. But I have a strange feeling this core memory for your son was tarnished by you. WTF are you talking about doctors, touching, and counselors. Jesus

+1

[Anonymous]

OP,

Your fourteen year old son has no business being involved sexually with anyone at his age.

And one of the most important things you can discuss with him are the potentially life-altering (and even life-ending) consequences of premature sexual activity with anyone.

You can also discuss the wisdom of refraining from labeling himself (or even worse, accepting labels — and “boyfriends” — casually assigned to him by other immature peers) while he is still figuring things out.

Not liking the company, and especially the romantic company, of girls at his age is normal.

One of the worst and most terrible lies young people today have fed to them is that they are more or less obliged to act out sexually at the earliest possible opportunity.

Especially today, young people have a great deal to get through before any kind of meaningful pairing up makes any sense.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP,

Your fourteen year old son has no business being involved sexually with anyone at his age.

And one of the most important things you can discuss with him are the potentially life-altering (and even life-ending) consequences of premature sexual activity with anyone.

You can also discuss the wisdom of refraining from labeling himself (or even worse, accepting labels — and “boyfriends” — casually assigned to him by other immature peers) while he is still figuring things out.

Not liking the company, and especially the romantic company, of girls at his age is normal.

One of the worst and most terrible lies young people today have fed to them is that they are more or less obliged to act out sexually at the earliest possible opportunity.

Especially today, young people have a great deal to get through before any kind of meaningful pairing up makes any sense.

Can you please send a memo to nature and hormones about the to-do list? Please and thank you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP,

Your fourteen year old son has no business being involved sexually with anyone at his age.

And one of the most important things you can discuss with him are the potentially life-altering (and even life-ending) consequences of premature sexual activity with anyone.

You can also discuss the wisdom of refraining from labeling himself (or even worse, accepting labels — and “boyfriends” — casually assigned to him by other immature peers) while he is still figuring things out.

Not liking the company, and especially the romantic company, of girls at his age is normal.

One of the worst and most terrible lies young people today have fed to them is that they are more or less obliged to act out sexually at the earliest possible opportunity.

Especially today, young people have a great deal to get through before any kind of meaningful pairing up makes any sense.

OP without coming right out any saying it this poster is homophobic. Please ignore them

Love you child

Let them know you are there for them
Discuss safe sex
Keep discussions open

Listening is key

Be kind

And for gods sake ignore the trolls

[Anonymous]

Assess him for what exactly? Were you assessed at 14?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP,

Your fourteen year old son has no business being involved sexually with anyone at his age.

And one of the most important things you can discuss with him are the potentially life-altering (and even life-ending) consequences of premature sexual activity with anyone.

You can also discuss the wisdom of refraining from labeling himself (or even worse, accepting labels — and “boyfriends” — casually assigned to him by other immature peers) while he is still figuring things out.

Not liking the company, and especially the romantic company, of girls at his age is normal.

One of the worst and most terrible lies young people today have fed to them is that they are more or less obliged to act out sexually at the earliest possible opportunity.

Especially today, young people have a great deal to get through before any kind of meaningful pairing up makes any sense.

You do realize how our bodies work right? This is the most uneducated and ridiculous post I've ever seen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are you from another culture, OP? One that doesn't accept homosexuality?

What is "another culture"?

Surely OP and kid are in the same culture.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you from another culture, OP? One that doesn't accept homosexuality?

What is "another culture"?

Surely OP and kid are in the same culture.

Are you being purposefully obtuse? You know damn well that the poster meant not American culture. I'm an immigrant and that's what I gathered from his post and writing style was well.