Does anyone live in a community that is “too much” socially?

[Anonymous]

Falls CHurch CIty?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why would anyone want this? The only thing you have in common with all these people is you are all parents living on the same block. That doesn't make a friendship. I guess I'm just very picky.

Because it's great for kids and teens to have friends they live near. Idk, the whole neighborhood scene was so important to me growing up, I would have hated not having it. The adults in our neighborhood were really social as well.

It's weird that people think proximity is the main ingredient for friendships. That probably works in lower elementary. By age 10, personalities and interests are apparent and two neighbors who have nothing in common aren't going to be friends just because it's a short walk to each other's house. It's great when nearby kids can be good friends, but it's not something you should expect or take for granted.

Umm no proximity is a strong if not the strongest predictor of friendships.
https://steemit.com/steemiteducation/@aceaeterna/psychology-of-interpersonal-relationships-proximity#:~:text=Proximity%20is%20the%20strongest%20indicator,a%20factor%20in%20interpersonal%20attraction.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Our neighborhood is very social. We are more quiet, and honestly are busy with work and raising our kids.

There are lots of neighborhood events and parties around various holidays. We briefly attend the biggest event each year, maybe for 20 minutes, but do not bother going to any others. We do not give out our mobile phone numbers, so no group texts. Our classic home telephone, which we provide if asked, goes straight to an answering machine.

To each his or her own.

You remind me of a family in my neighborhood. Mom is always trying to work herself and the family into wealthier circles. She gets bounced and the family starts showing up at neighborhood events again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our neighborhood is very social. We are more quiet, and honestly are busy with work and raising our kids.

There are lots of neighborhood events and parties around various holidays. We briefly attend the biggest event each year, maybe for 20 minutes, but do not bother going to any others. We do not give out our mobile phone numbers, so no group texts. Our classic home telephone, which we provide if asked, goes straight to an answering machine.

To each his or her own.

You remind me of a family in my neighborhood. Mom is always trying to work herself and the family into wealthier circles. She gets bounced and the family starts showing up at neighborhood events again.

how does this remind you of this person? they sound completely different.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why would anyone want this? The only thing you have in common with all these people is you are all parents living on the same block. That doesn't make a friendship. I guess I'm just very picky.

Because it's great for kids and teens to have friends they live near. Idk, the whole neighborhood scene was so important to me growing up, I would have hated not having it. The adults in our neighborhood were really social as well.

It's weird that people think proximity is the main ingredient for friendships. That probably works in lower elementary. By age 10, personalities and interests are apparent and two neighbors who have nothing in common aren't going to be friends just because it's a short walk to each other's house. It's great when nearby kids can be good friends, but it's not something you should expect or take for granted.

Umm no proximity is a strong if not the strongest predictor of friendships.
https://steemit.com/steemiteducation/@aceaeterna/psychology-of-interpersonal-relationships-proximity#:~:text=Proximity%20is%20the%20strongest%20indicator,a%20factor%20in%20interpersonal%20attraction.

Are you a bot? All those studies are from the 1950s-1970s before kids had most of their free time scheduled and before it was commonplace to commute to a private school instead of sending kids to the nearest public. It doesn't work like that in most UMC places nowadays. All the kids on the block are in their structured weekend activities, travel sport, often go to different schools too, and generally do not hang out together nearly as much as good friends do. Nice fantasy, but it's just not realistic these days.

[Anonymous]

We had a “honeymoon period” like this when several families with elementary school aged kids all moved in during Covid (with social period the year or two after). Eventually, there was drama. Now certain families are close, and certain kids hang out. It was fun while it lasted. Never reached the point of trips to Napa — more like wine nights or backyard family parties on a frequent basis.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why would anyone want this? The only thing you have in common with all these people is you are all parents living on the same block. That doesn't make a friendship. I guess I'm just very picky.

Because it's great for kids and teens to have friends they live near. Idk, the whole neighborhood scene was so important to me growing up, I would have hated not having it. The adults in our neighborhood were really social as well.

It's weird that people think proximity is the main ingredient for friendships. That probably works in lower elementary. By age 10, personalities and interests are apparent and two neighbors who have nothing in common aren't going to be friends just because it's a short walk to each other's house. It's great when nearby kids can be good friends, but it's not something you should expect or take for granted.

Umm no proximity is a strong if not the strongest predictor of friendships.
https://steemit.com/steemiteducation/@aceaeterna/psychology-of-interpersonal-relationships-proximity#:~:text=Proximity%20is%20the%20strongest%20indicator,a%20factor%20in%20interpersonal%20attraction.

Are you a bot? All those studies are from the 1950s-1970s before kids had most of their free time scheduled and before it was commonplace to commute to a private school instead of sending kids to the nearest public. It doesn't work like that in most UMC places nowadays. All the kids on the block are in their structured weekend activities, travel sport, often go to different schools too, and generally do not hang out together nearly as much as good friends do. Nice fantasy, but it's just not realistic these days.

I'm not a bot. I'm an academic. I actually kind of love that I sounded like a bot. This finding has been replicated consistently though. I just posted the first link I found, which is obviously going to have the classic studies. There is unlikely going to be research conducted specifically focusing on "UMC places with structured weekend activities," and that may certainly diminish the effect, but I doubt it would go away altogether. If you are considering a play date or a carpool, proximity would again come into play. The bigger point is that proximity absolutely drives friendships, which pp said was untrue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We had a “honeymoon period” like this when several families with elementary school aged kids all moved in during Covid (with social period the year or two after). Eventually, there was drama. Now certain families are close, and certain kids hang out. It was fun while it lasted. Never reached the point of trips to Napa — more like wine nights or backyard family parties on a frequent basis.

Yup, this also happened in my neighborhood. It’s much more fractioned now due to drama. I’d still like to move. I don’t like my house.

[Anonymous]

I swear some of you might be my neighbors. We had a weird trend of people guilting those who weren't so eager to socialize. If you don't join, you're accused of being lonely and if you join, you regret it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why would anyone want this? The only thing you have in common with all these people is you are all parents living on the same block. That doesn't make a friendship. I guess I'm just very picky.

Because it's great for kids and teens to have friends they live near. Idk, the whole neighborhood scene was so important to me growing up, I would have hated not having it. The adults in our neighborhood were really social as well.

It's weird that people think proximity is the main ingredient for friendships. That probably works in lower elementary. By age 10, personalities and interests are apparent and two neighbors who have nothing in common aren't going to be friends just because it's a short walk to each other's house. It's great when nearby kids can be good friends, but it's not something you should expect or take for granted.

I don't get it, are kids just suddenly supposed to drop their neighborhood friends? I had my neighborhood friends and then a small group of school friends. I thought that was normal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My neighborhood is like this. A lot of the parents are total drunks and I say this as someone who enjoys my alcohol. I am excluded from most things because we go to Catholic school but I have two close friends who are in the thick of it and frankly it sounds suffocating. If you skip any event you can be sure the other moms will talk about you. And your husband better be a total bro to get in with the bro dads.

This is my neighborhood. The specific groups eb and flow due to drama. The alcohol consumption is often extreme. The kids have fun but are basically unsupervised while mom and dad get wasted every weekend. We've attended some of the events here and there but our primary social circle is outside of the neighborhood and I'm grateful for that. I'm friendly with most of the moms but I'm definitely on the fringes and my husband could care less about socializing with them. The things these "friends" say about each other can be really nasty. I don't want to participate in that.

[Anonymous]

Sounds cult like.

[Anonymous]

My neighborhood is exactly like this and it is so stressful. Truthfully I’m relieved to see this post because I thought it was just me who found it stressful! The constant texting and politics and gatherings and feelings about the gatherings. The groups and subgroups and venn diagrams or groups. Little overt drama but a lot simmering just under the surface. It’s exhausting. People also told me it would calm down in middle school, but it hasn’t. The group has largely stayed together, I think mostly because of the orchestration from the parents. I have definitely started to become the one who backs away but fear my kid being left out because of it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our neighborhood is very social. We are more quiet, and honestly are busy with work and raising our kids.

There are lots of neighborhood events and parties around various holidays. We briefly attend the biggest event each year, maybe for 20 minutes, but do not bother going to any others. We do not give out our mobile phone numbers, so no group texts. Our classic home telephone, which we provide if asked, goes straight to an answering machine.

To each his or her own.

That’s pretty funny, the land line phone. Do you generally prefer to keep to yourselves or do you have a social life outside of your neighbors/community friends

Same. NP here. We have our own friends outside of the neighborhood and community, since way back when. Our kids are mostly teens now. We like our community just fine, but we have our own lives and friends. It seems that some people can't fathom that concept - they like the idea of "built in" friends, but DH and I make our own friends and keep them long term, based on interests, not necessarily convenience.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why would anyone want this? The only thing you have in common with all these people is you are all parents living on the same block. That doesn't make a friendship. I guess I'm just very picky.

Same.