older teen (18) sexually active

[Anonymous]

I would let it go and not talk to my husband but I would also 100% review safe sex practices with her. My daughter would roll her eyes at me but clearly the advice needs to be reiterated.

[Anonymous]

My DD (college aged) has had it and I never even considered telling her father.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She is an adult and got an easily curable illness that she has taken care of. It isn’t something to hide or tell. You know your husband won’t treat it that way, from your post, so I wouldn’t tell him. Your daughter can if she wants. But which part would add to his stress? The fact that she is sexually active (not surprising for an 18 year old who had a relationship) or that she got an infection? The infection is a non-issue. Treated, done, doesn’t need talking about any more than say, toenail fungus caught at the gym (which actually is super hard to cure).

Huh? Clearly she was not using condoms. She got an STI. Next time it could be HIV or herpes or hepatitis.
It's not a "toenail fungus.".

You can get chlamydia using condoms.

Also you can get it by oral sex. It’s a common infection. She’s going off to live independently where she will meet plenty of new people all in her age range. You can help her with education and how to prevent this and other problems. That’s about it though. Keep it a conversation just between you and her and she will stay open to telling you things, maybe.

The OP said her daughter doesn’t care one way or the other if she tells him.
My teenage girls don’t care that their dad knows, they just want to avoid the conversation. I would assume it’s similar if the daughter doesn’t care and is telling a bunch of friends (I also agree OP she should keep it to herself). He’s the parent too - I don’t understand why you wouldn’t share this info with your spouse unless the child asked you not to or the spouse wouldn’t handle it well (like OPs situation).

[Anonymous]

OP here. I'm glad I posted here because it literally did not occur to me that she did not practice safe sex and use a condom in addition to her birth control. The thought never even crossed my mind. Genuinely thought that was such a part of the discourse it was standard practice. I grew up in the AIDS era, had a relative die from AIDS, condom usage was non negotiable in my dating days.

I am naive. I guess I thought the foreplay would be enough to result in STI.

So I said to her, wait, you told me you were being safe, are you saying you did not use a condom? And she said "I am being safe! But I just wanted to so much we just went ahead." OMG. She has always had impulse control issues (documented in her neuropsych / 504 plan) and now I am just stunned at her poor decision making, though I shouldn't be. I had a lot to say about ALWAYS using a condom, taking control of her body and her choices, how LUCKY she was that it was something easily caught and resolved.

So thank you to the person who pointed out it was unlikely a condom was used.

[Anonymous]

I’m a Dad and not sure why you’d feel the need to tell him. What do you want him to do with this information other than say ok, and?

[Anonymous]

We’re hiding our children's medical conditions from our spouses now, and it’s cool because they wouldn’t understand and the patriarchy?

Wild.

[Anonymous]

I’m glad you had a follow up conversation because your fist post made it sound like you essentially said nothing. You need to talk a lot more about what safe sex means, what other types of sex really are (and their risks), etc. your daughter clearly isn’t being safe at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m glad you had a follow up conversation because your fist post made it sound like you essentially said nothing. You need to talk a lot more about what safe sex means, what other types of sex really are (and their risks), etc. your daughter clearly isn’t being safe at all.

FIRST post

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m glad you had a follow up conversation because your fist post made it sound like you essentially said nothing. You need to talk a lot more about what safe sex means, what other types of sex really are (and their risks), etc. your daughter clearly isn’t being safe at all.

Her daughter is 18. She is an adult who can decide whom she shares medical information with.

[Anonymous]

Chronologically she’s an adult but behaviorally she’s a child. Too trusting and naive. Any male under 25 who tells her he loves her is joking. Most have the morals of an alley cat. Cut them off and see how long they stick around. If she knows the rules of the game before she plays then fine. Sex for young people is transactional. Have her discuss it with her father to get a male perspective. I think he might react differently than you believe.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She is an adult and got an easily curable illness that she has taken care of. It isn’t something to hide or tell. You know your husband won’t treat it that way, from your post, so I wouldn’t tell him. Your daughter can if she wants. But which part would add to his stress? The fact that she is sexually active (not surprising for an 18 year old who had a relationship) or that she got an infection? The infection is a non-issue. Treated, done, doesn’t need talking about any more than say, toenail fungus caught at the gym (which actually is super hard to cure).

Huh? Clearly she was not using condoms. She got an STI. Next time it could be HIV or herpes or hepatitis.
It's not a "toenail fungus.".

You can get chlamydia using condoms.

Highly unlikely. I work as an NP at Planned parenthood. It's far, FAR more likely that she had unprotected sex since she's on the pill.

This is just risky behavior--both in terms of STIs and pregnancy. Ideally all teens should use 2 forms of birth control. They are so darn fertile.

All of this.

[Anonymous]

Gross.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's the kind of thing I'd tell my husband, but he's pretty mellow and would just be like "Okay, we need to hug her, then go over what medications she's supposed to take and remind her to finish the course even if she feels better, we need to tell her to tell the boy to get checked, etc."

Yes, OP, she should definitely stop telling her friends.

Same here. My husband and I tell each other everything parenting wise unless a kid specifically asks us not to. So since she doesn’t care I would tell. But he wouldn’t over react.

New poster. I have always told my husband everything about our kids. I am so surprised that the majority are saying not to. I haven't been in this situation yet, but I believe I would tell my husband.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's the kind of thing I'd tell my husband, but he's pretty mellow and would just be like "Okay, we need to hug her, then go over what medications she's supposed to take and remind her to finish the course even if she feels better, we need to tell her to tell the boy to get checked, etc."

Yes, OP, she should definitely stop telling her friends.

Same here. My husband and I tell each other everything parenting wise unless a kid specifically asks us not to. So since she doesn’t care I would tell. But he wouldn’t over react.

New poster. I have always told my husband everything about our kids. I am so surprised that the majority are saying not to. I haven't been in this situation yet, but I believe I would tell my husband.

That’s because many of the DCUM moms either hate their husbands or are single and hate their exes.

[Anonymous]

Why is this in tweens? Shouldn't this be in Adult Children, because she's y'know, an adult?

Please don't tell other people her personal medical issues. If she wants to tell him, she can. She didn't need to tell you, don't make her regret it by spreading it around.

DP. The forum is tweens AND teens, 18 and still in high school living at home is a definite teen. “Y’know”, people don’t turn 18 and instantly morph into independent beings, circumstances matter?