older teen (18) sexually active

[Anonymous]

My high school senior 18 year old daughter was seeing a fellow student, though it ended.

She was complaining of something like a yeast infection but not a yeast infection. She doesn't have a GYN, so we went to the pediatrician. She does take birth control because of heavy irregular periods. She wanted privacy with the doctor which I told her fine. I got some notices to pick up prescriptions for her.

Later that night, she came to me (the mother) and told me the doctor's office had called her (she's over 18, so most communications go through her, I get notices for things like the prescriptions being put in or whatever because my daughter signed permission for me to have limited access, which everyone is fine with). Diagnosis: chlamydia.

She said I have to talk to you, I said ok, what's up, she told me, and I just said, ok. And she said what are you thinking? And I said, well, I'm thinking I hope you are taking care of yourself and you are ok and that you are being safe We talked about it a little and she said it had just been this one guy and she had been a little sad it didn't turn into anything but she was ok, but that she was being safe.

She did not ask me to keep this private. But my husband can be a bit emotional and can get worked up about things and frankly I think this is a need to know basis and maybe he doesn't need to know. At least not right now (he's under stress in another area of his life and tends to catastrophize things, especially when he's under stress). Her final quarter grades are stressing him out and he's being hard on her senioritis.

So I'm thinking about waiting to tell him - maybe over the summer, maybe once she's gone off to college. She doesn't care one way or the other. Any thoughts or experiences? Is this the kind of thing you tell your husband or no? WWYD at this point? (I'll admit I was hoping she'd do what I did - get to college, and then take herself to the gyn, so I guess I should add find a gyn for her to the list of things to do).

[Anonymous]

I mean, it could be worse. It’s good that she got herself to a doctor and that she told you.

[Anonymous]

Why on earth would you tell him this? Need to know basis.

[Anonymous]

I’ve honestly never heard of a young woman who is indifferent with her father knowing she contracted a STI.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn’t tell him this unless she wants to. She’s an adult now.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn’t share this with my husband. She can tell him if she wants to.

[Anonymous]

Why is this in tweens? Shouldn't this be in Adult Children, because she's y'know, an adult?

Please don't tell other people her personal medical issues. If she wants to tell him, she can. She didn't need to tell you, don't make her regret it by spreading it around.

[Anonymous]

She is an adult and got an easily curable illness that she has taken care of. It isn’t something to hide or tell. You know your husband won’t treat it that way, from your post, so I wouldn’t tell him. Your daughter can if she wants. But which part would add to his stress? The fact that she is sexually active (not surprising for an 18 year old who had a relationship) or that she got an infection? The infection is a non-issue. Treated, done, doesn’t need talking about any more than say, toenail fungus caught at the gym (which actually is super hard to cure).

[Anonymous]

This is her story to tell OP not yours.
She confided in you. Do not blow this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why is this in tweens? Shouldn't this be in Adult Children, because she's y'know, an adult?

Please don't tell other people her personal medical issues. If she wants to tell him, she can. She didn't need to tell you, don't make her regret it by spreading it around.

I thought about putting it in adult children, but this is Tweens AND Teens, and I carefully labeled it as older teen (18) in the subject line. And she lives at home, so it didn't seem quite right for adult children.

Thanks all, good advice. The other thing I did say was while this is easily handled there are other things that aren't and she interrupted me, "I know! I'm being careful!"

I am a very private person; she is not. I do agree if she wants to tell her dad she can, and I think I'll leave it at that. She's already told 6 of her friends.
I did tell her this morning she might want to consider discretion - not being shamed, or hiding, but just keeping her private business private.

[Anonymous]

It's the kind of thing I'd tell my husband, but he's pretty mellow and would just be like "Okay, we need to hug her, then go over what medications she's supposed to take and remind her to finish the course even if she feels better, we need to tell her to tell the boy to get checked, etc."

Yes, OP, she should definitely stop telling her friends.

[Anonymous]

I would disagree that she's being safe if she caught chlamydia. She needs to use condoms, even if she's on the pill.

Her father doesn't need to know. There would be zero benefit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why on earth would you tell him this? Need to know basis.

+100
Protect your DD's trust in you. Thank goodness she told you. It was very brave of her to tell you. She also is a kid, so she should not have to explicitly tell you not to tell her dad or other adults. Would you want your dad to know, ever??

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She is an adult and got an easily curable illness that she has taken care of. It isn’t something to hide or tell. You know your husband won’t treat it that way, from your post, so I wouldn’t tell him. Your daughter can if she wants. But which part would add to his stress? The fact that she is sexually active (not surprising for an 18 year old who had a relationship) or that she got an infection? The infection is a non-issue. Treated, done, doesn’t need talking about any more than say, toenail fungus caught at the gym (which actually is super hard to cure).

Huh? Clearly she was not using condoms. She got an STI. Next time it could be HIV or herpes or hepatitis.
It's not a "toenail fungus.".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn’t share this with my husband. She can tell him if she wants to.

I have a daughter and I agree. Just don't do it. It's not yours to share. Dad's can be more uncomfortable with that kind of information.