older teen (18) sexually active

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would disagree that she's being safe if she caught chlamydia. She needs to use condoms, even if she's on the pill.

Her father doesn't need to know. There would be zero benefit.

Don’t mean to be harsh but I agree with this. To get an STI at this age is an issue and shouldn’t be brushed aside as I am glad she told me.

Her fertility could be affected. Assume she has learned her lesson.

Lesson to all of us that the downside of putting your DD on pill is this. But better than nothing.

— mother of a 18 DS whose housekeeper found condoms in his room yesterday. Don’t plan on saying anything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would disagree that she's being safe if she caught chlamydia. She needs to use condoms, even if she's on the pill.

Her father doesn't need to know. There would be zero benefit.

Don’t mean to be harsh but I agree with this. To get an STI at this age is an issue and shouldn’t be brushed aside as I am glad she told me.

Her fertility could be affected. Assume she has learned her lesson.

Lesson to all of us that the downside of putting your DD on pill is this. But better than nothing.

— mother of a 18 DS whose housekeeper found condoms in his room yesterday. Don’t plan on saying anything.

Lots of potentially valuable lessons to be learned in this whole thread.

I feel like this is a true “teachable moment” (as President Obama called them).

One addition through, from reading what PP wrote about the op’s daughter’s fertility potentially being affected by the STI. what about vaccines, OP?

Just wondering if your daughter has had the Gardasil vaccine? (HPV vaccine?). Also, might be good too if she got the new (free) Monkey Pox vaccine as well.

We are big proponents of vaccines in our home. Plus, even with condoms accidents can happen sometimes; it happens to everybody.

[Anonymous]

I think it’s great that she came to you and discussed this. That means you’ve built a loving and trusting relationship with her. Good job mama!

I would be concerned about whether she understands the value of herself and her health. I’ve been there with just wanting to, so impulsively letting my hormones and emotions take over my better judgment. I’ve had to retrain my brain to think that my health is more valuable than my heat of the moment desire. And to also understand that being desired by someone is not the same as being valued by someone. Asking myself, do I really want to risk my health for someone that doesn’t even value me. And I’m a grown woman!

Starting this conversation now with her is so important. I wish I had better guidance about sex when I was younger, but I came from a family that doesn’t talk openly about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why is this in tweens? Shouldn't this be in Adult Children, because she's y'know, an adult?

Please don't tell other people her personal medical issues. If she wants to tell him, she can. She didn't need to tell you, don't make her regret it by spreading it around.

Tweens sounds accurate for their relationship. 18 and no GYN, 18 going to a pediatrician for something like this and not a GYN or at the very least a GP, 18 mom going to pediatrician with her and DD having to ask mom for privacy with doctor, 18 and mom getting prescription notices.

Foreshadowing 4 years from now, OP will be complaining because her daughter will be mad and asking that OP not sit in on interviews with her. OP will be looking for validation that she should at least be able to sit in the lobby of the office and not be forced to wait in the car.

[Anonymous]

She confided in you. It is private between you. She is not a child. This is not life and death so this is not to be shared.

[Anonymous]

Hi OP! Just thinking of your thread.

Any update? Specifically, were you able to have DD treated, and did you keep the whole thing secret from your husband?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My high school senior 18 year old daughter was seeing a fellow student, though it ended.

She was complaining of something like a yeast infection but not a yeast infection. She doesn't have a GYN, so we went to the pediatrician. She does take birth control because of heavy irregular periods. She wanted privacy with the doctor which I told her fine. I got some notices to pick up prescriptions for her.

Later that night, she came to me (the mother) and told me the doctor's office had called her (she's over 18, so most communications go through her, I get notices for things like the prescriptions being put in or whatever because my daughter signed permission for me to have limited access, which everyone is fine with). Diagnosis: chlamydia.

She said I have to talk to you, I said ok, what's up, she told me, and I just said, ok. And she said what are you thinking? And I said, well, I'm thinking I hope you are taking care of yourself and you are ok and that you are being safe We talked about it a little and she said it had just been this one guy and she had been a little sad it didn't turn into anything but she was ok, but that she was being safe.

She did not ask me to keep this private. But my husband can be a bit emotional and can get worked up about things and frankly I think this is a need to know basis and maybe he doesn't need to know. At least not right now (he's under stress in another area of his life and tends to catastrophize things, especially when he's under stress). Her final quarter grades are stressing him out and he's being hard on her senioritis.

So I'm thinking about waiting to tell him - maybe over the summer, maybe once she's gone off to college. She doesn't care one way or the other. Any thoughts or experiences? Is this the kind of thing you tell your husband or no? WWYD at this point? (I'll admit I was hoping she'd do what I did - get to college, and then take herself to the gyn, so I guess I should add find a gyn for her to the list of things to do).

He doesn't need t know this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hi OP! Just thinking of your thread.

Any update? Specifically, were you able to have DD treated, and did you keep the whole thing secret from your husband?

DD was treated and all is well.

She has not told my DH, her father, and I have kept her confidence.

She did tell the guy and I've been sitting with this because it makes me angry. His response? He called her dirty.

What an ass.

Was thinking of some of the recent postings here. I really appreciate all the support - posting here was really helpful. I guess I should admit I'm also the one in the family who gets notices of the prescription being filled for the dog so I guess I'm just an overly involved dog owner, too. Now he'll never get a job without me sitting in his interviews (sarcastically referencing a negative post a few up).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's the kind of thing I'd tell my husband, but he's pretty mellow and would just be like "Okay, we need to hug her, then go over what medications she's supposed to take and remind her to finish the course even if she feels better, we need to tell her to tell the boy to get checked, etc."

Yes, OP, she should definitely stop telling her friends.

Same here. My husband and I tell each other everything parenting wise unless a kid specifically asks us not to. So since she doesn’t care I would tell. But he wouldn’t over react.

New poster. I have always told my husband everything about our kids. I am so surprised that the majority are saying not to. I haven't been in this situation yet, but I believe I would tell my husband.

Just found out today 18yo DD had sex (found BC while we were cleaning her room), told my DH later.
She is in long term relationship so expected. We share important details of our kids, would be wierd to keep him in dark. - quick, straightforward convo, done.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's the kind of thing I'd tell my husband, but he's pretty mellow and would just be like "Okay, we need to hug her, then go over what medications she's supposed to take and remind her to finish the course even if she feels better, we need to tell her to tell the boy to get checked, etc."

Yes, OP, she should definitely stop telling her friends.

OK, I kinda disagree with that. If she's comfortable sharing, she should. I think it helps everyone make it "real" - like we all heard about STIs in health class or parent's lecture, but it always seemed so abstract and theoretical, like it never actually happened to anyone real. The first time I heard about someone I knew actually getting an STI was when I got one in college (HPV) ... but when I started talking about it, I was shocked that nearly everyone I told had their own STI story. They just didn't talk about it, so I assumed it was this tiny thing that didn't really happen for real people (stupid 19yo logic, I know). I think it would be really helpful for everyone if people were more open about this vs keeping it secret due to the stigma involved.

If she's not comfortable sharing, it's not her duty to act as a real-like PSA to everyone. But since she is ... why stop it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's the kind of thing I'd tell my husband, but he's pretty mellow and would just be like "Okay, we need to hug her, then go over what medications she's supposed to take and remind her to finish the course even if she feels better, we need to tell her to tell the boy to get checked, etc."

Yes, OP, she should definitely stop telling her friends.

Same here. My husband and I tell each other everything parenting wise unless a kid specifically asks us not to. So since she doesn’t care I would tell. But he wouldn’t over react.

New poster. I have always told my husband everything about our kids. I am so surprised that the majority are saying not to. I haven't been in this situation yet, but I believe I would tell my husband.

Just found out today 18yo DD had sex (found BC while we were cleaning her room), told my DH later.
She is in long term relationship so expected. We share important details of our kids, would be wierd to keep him in dark. - quick, straightforward convo, done.

And that’s why neither of you have a good relationship with your DD. She didn’t trust you to go get BC or talk to you at all about her relationship.

That’s sad and embarrassing

[Anonymous]

Right cause it's such an easy topic to discuss with your parents.
I think most parents find out indirectly.

She knew I was open without judgement to discuss, that's all I can do - you should try it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's the kind of thing I'd tell my husband, but he's pretty mellow and would just be like "Okay, we need to hug her, then go over what medications she's supposed to take and remind her to finish the course even if she feels better, we need to tell her to tell the boy to get checked, etc."

Yes, OP, she should definitely stop telling her friends.

Same here. My husband and I tell each other everything parenting wise unless a kid specifically asks us not to. So since she doesn’t care I would tell. But he wouldn’t over react.

New poster. I have always told my husband everything about our kids. I am so surprised that the majority are saying not to. I haven't been in this situation yet, but I believe I would tell my husband.

Just found out today 18yo DD had sex (found BC while we were cleaning her room), told my DH later.
She is in long term relationship so expected. We share important details of our kids, would be wierd to keep him in dark. - quick, straightforward convo, done.

And that’s why neither of you have a good relationship with your DD. She didn’t trust you to go get BC or talk to you at all about her relationship.

That’s sad and embarrassing

huh? where does it say that this poster does not have a good relationship with her daughter? Because her daughter did not announce that she was having sex? there was no need to talk about bc with mom because she had taken care of it herself. you're being a purposeful ass. why so unhappy?