Spouse blaming me for not finding a new job yet

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What is your current financial situation? Can you carry your current lifestyle and expenses on his salary alone?

Or Is his anxiety justified that you are going to be in a financial pinch and need to talk about making changes?

I don’t think the advice to put your head in the sand or telling him to not be anxious or telling you to no longer give him information is going to help anyone. He can do some job searching too and send you links of option. Why not work together to address this and acknowledge that it’s stressful for everyone - especially if he isn’t a really high earner or you don’t have months of living expenses saved.

Go read other threads where one spouse has lost their job. The spouse writing the post is often quite anxious and constantly wanting their spouse to get work. He isn’t an anomaly in any way.

We could get by for a little while (6 months to a year, depending on how much spending we cut, though really we're not big spenders as it is), but he's in public service, so we need my income long-term. I'm also really anxious about this and it's hard not to get demoralized putting in applications and just hearing nothing.

He struggles with needing everything to have a reason AND with not being in control of stressful situations, so this is like his worst nightmare, since we don't have a reason behind why I'm not getting interviews and he can't apply for jobs for me. He needs somewhere to direct his anxiety and, unfortunately, I'm the natural target.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The easiest way to get a job is to have a job. Being in a job you are over qualified for is better than not having a job at all.
Haven’t been to a target in 3 years that is not desperate for employees.

This. Also 20 jobs isn't enough. You need to be working with a recruiter.
Have someone look over your resume.

You need to be on all the job sites and you need to apply for everything.

You need a job.
Your next job doesn't need to be the perfect fit or where you see yourself the next 15 years.

Time to stop the self pity and hustle.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn’t write off your field completely. Look at positions at bigger non-profits that have more resources.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:1. Remove all social media accounts regardless of content.

2. Apply to jobs not in your field. If you're seeking a job in this economy you cannot be picky. It's fine getting a job that's not in your field. If you need a JOB, then get a JOB.

This. Also 20 applications is not a lot. You should be applying to 10-20 a week. Getting 2 interviews out of 20 is great! When I was unemployed I applied to hundreds of jobs and yes I redid my CL and resume for all. It was so rough. Also apply for roles that are your current level, above your current level and some below your level.

I ended up finding my job from someone in my network who had an opening and got me to the interview stage. It was for a Manager role and I had been a Director, but I took it because I needed income. Within a year I was at Director level because I busted my butt and soon after even more senior. Stayed for a few years and then moved on. It was not my dream job by any means, but it got me to that a few years down the road. Tap your network. Go to events. Did you attend graduate school? If so they may have alumni events, attend them. Reach out to people.

Also, as the PP said look outside your field. Look at other non-profits, higher ed, HR, government, private sector--cast a wide net. Be open to friends in different fields and ask if they have any openings they think might be a good fit.

Budget and cut spending now. Cut the subscriptions, Netflix, etc. Don't go out for dinner. Cut the gym membership and workout at home or run outside (weather is nice now anyway). Anywhere you can cut money, do it now. Talk to your spouse, they need to cut it all too. You are a team. They should also tap their network to help you out.

Also, if none of that helps look at certificate programs you could do that might add to your resume or help if you want to pivot. I don't think it is good to spend money if you're unemployed, but if nothing else works. But do research and see what the outcomes are for people who get that degree/ certificate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks for all the advice.

I'm applying to all sorts of jobs, but none directly in my field, because there are systemic problems in the field that aren't going to be much better anywhere else. It's been really hard to admit that to myself, because I love the work I do, but the field as a whole doesn't pay and doesn't have the resources to support staff. All of the organizations in my field are chronically understaffed. For example, I've gotten tens of thousands of dollars in grant money for my organization, but the granters want to fund events, not people, so getting the grants means adding more programming to my already-full plate without helping to fund, say, another employee to help plan and execute the programs. If I were staying in my field, I'm sure I could have gotten a job by now, as my resume in this very specific thing is pretty good. DH and I have talked about how I don't want to be in this field anymore and that changing fields might take longer and he's on board with me directing my attention to other opportunities. But I think he and I both misjudged how long it would realistically take to even just get interviews. Again, I have crossover skills in programming and event planning, development/fundraising, volunteer management, and communications (though for comms, it's just something I've done for years with no formal training and that seems to be a real roadblock).

I am networking and people love to be helpful. I've had lots of conversations, but most of them have ended with "the market is slow; give it time."

I've shown my resume and cover letter template to friends who are recruiters and to friends who hire and made adjustments based on their suggestions.

If it comes to July 1 and I still don't have a job, I should be able to get unemployment, but my organization is small and non-profit and there's no way they have a severance package.

I just don't know what else to do about our relationship. I'm continuing to look for and apply for jobs. I've finally had some interviews. I can't go back in time and have hidden my social media and I can't go back in time and apply for jobs 4 years ago.

Another idea is applying for roles in your field, but in a different department. Sounds like you do programs now. Apply for comms roles, work there for a couple years then apply for comms roles at other organizations.

Also, plenty of people would be a good fit, but an organization is getting hundreds of applications, so they cant interview everyone who would be a good fit.

Apply early! At my organization after 30 days of a job being up I get sent a list of everyone who applied and start looking (i specifically ask HR and any sort of AI thing they might use not do any sort of sorting first, I want to read everyone). But many hiring managers don't do it this way. Some people I know start looking at applications within the first 2 weeks a post is up. Unless it is government or something that specifically states we cannot read applications until x date, try and apply within the first 2 weeks a posting is open. If you see one now that looks good and it has been up 4 weeks, apply now, but don't push good positions and wait and apply weeks later. Better to do it ASAP.

[Anonymous]

You need to be applying to a lot more jobs. Prioritize your job search now. As ops mentioned it’s much easier to get a job when you have one.

[Anonymous]

Op, what is your field? Are you director or high level management?
You should be able to apply 20 jobs in one day at USA jobs. Search for your field, then "public" jobs for people who are new to Fed.
Best of luck,

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
You should be able to apply 20 jobs in one day at USA jobs.

Complete and absolute nonsense. You can probably do two, maybe three, quality applications per day on USAJOBS.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
You should be able to apply 20 jobs in one day at USA jobs.

Complete and absolute nonsense. You can probably do two, maybe three, quality applications per day on USAJOBS.

Not in today's job market. If you want a job it's minimum 10 a day.

[Anonymous]

he sounds like an ass. He's giving you crap while you are still employed and applying to jobs. Ugh. What would he do if you were incapacitated and couldn't work at all? You could be mad he's not making more. I'd throw his crap right back at him.

[Anonymous]

I’m sorry you are struggling with the search. Be kind to yourself. I am returning to work after being a SAHM. I spent 6 months applying before accepting this position. I will be very much underemployed but at least the job seems low stress and the team seems very pleasant. People are blasting you for 20 applications over 2 months but I don’t think that seems unreasonable since you are currently working. I submitted fewer and I had more time. I didn’t realize that one is supposed to apply to hundreds of positions. I found every application took me a few hours since I customized my resume and cover letter, triple checked for errors, and often had to complete portal questions. Just identifying appropriate positions took me a few hours a week. During that time, DH reminded me over and over not to feel desperate (which I did) and not to sell myself short. DH again reminded me before I signed the current contract that I could wait for a better fit and shouldn’t feel pressured. I wish your DH were being as supportive. With that said, I know you want a career change but maybe it would be easier for now to apply to similar positions. Then once you are in the new job resume your search by setting aside a few hours a week. You won’t feel the pressure for income at least. My opinion is the job market is very unfavorable. Most people I know looking including my soon to be college grad are really struggling. It is going to take some time and a lot of patience.

[Anonymous]

I’m sorry OP, i am also having to search for job (my last day is in July!) if it makes you feel better, i have only applied for 2 jobs!

I think it is ok to take your time/ be picky and strategic. Start your own LLC and try consulting. You might be surprised that people come to you. Good luck!

Tell your DH his anxiety is making this worse, that he should talk to therapist. You nee hus support for peak performance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:20 job applications in two months is nothing - that’s like 2 jobs a week. I work in an industry where we assist people in finding jobs. 15 job applications per week is considered lame unless you are actively training for something new. And in addition to at least 15, we’d be expecting you to take classes to update and improve skills that would make you marketable. I’d be frustrated too if I was your family and relying on income from you.

Good luck to you. It sucks to have to find work when it wasn’t your plan.

This is highly dependent on what you do. There aren’t 15 jobs a week, or even a month, that would be a fit for my background or DH’s. Sure, if you’re junior in your career and are willing to try something different, there may be many options. But for people who have worked in their specific career long-term, there often aren’t many on-target jobs. OP could certainly apply for a lot of random openings that don’t match her skillset and perhaps pay significantly less. Perhaps as June approaches, she should do that but it seems like a waste of time if she’s looking for something remotely similar in skillset and pay:

[Anonymous]

Maybe your DH should channel the energy he spends hounding you into hustling hard at his own job so he can get a promotion and calm down. I’d be so annoyed.

[Anonymous]

If he can share his frustrations about you with you, I hope you are able to reciprocate. Don't be his is doormat and let him walk all over you! It's not like you're a Peg Bundy. Have some pride in yourself and stand strong. Good luck, OP.