Go on a date while married?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Pretty inappropriate, TBH.

It also sounds like cheating to me if you are having butterflies and getting excited for your date.

I mean, you know this.

They can both have butterflies as long they know to then go home and have fun with their respective spouses.
That works for a LOT of couples.
It's just that OP expressed it in a rather provoking way.

Reads like an attempt to justify testing the waters for a potential affair, and a setup to fall into an emotional affair even if it never gets physical.
And yes, emotional affairs are a real thing. They aren't just a "frisson" of fun to spice up your marital bedroom back home. They can do actual damage.

Yeah, well, I've been doing this for years and no harm done. Married 20 years, kids in high school and college. Circle of good friends.

Live a little, people! You only have one life.

Same. A bit younger, been together 15 years with two kids, good marriage with lots of closeness. My husband and I have talked about it and are both super clear that physical cheating is out of bounds and neither of us would do it. We can have whatever crushes we want as long as we are honest and come back home to each other for the physical part. Do I have a neighborhood Dad that I go on long walks with? Yes. It's ok, people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Pretty inappropriate, TBH.

It also sounds like cheating to me if you are having butterflies and getting excited for your date.

I mean, you know this.

They can both have butterflies as long they know to then go home and have fun with their respective spouses.
That works for a LOT of couples.
It's just that OP expressed it in a rather provoking way.

Reads like an attempt to justify testing the waters for a potential affair, and a setup to fall into an emotional affair even if it never gets physical.
And yes, emotional affairs are a real thing. They aren't just a "frisson" of fun to spice up your marital bedroom back home. They can do actual damage.

Yeah, well, I've been doing this for years and no harm done. Married 20 years, kids in high school and college. Circle of good friends.

Live a little, people! You only have one life.

Same. A bit younger, been together 15 years with two kids, good marriage with lots of closeness. My husband and I have talked about it and are both super clear that physical cheating is out of bounds and neither of us would do it. We can have whatever crushes we want as long as we are honest and come back home to each other for the physical part. Do I have a neighborhood Dad that I go on long walks with? Yes. It's ok, people.

I am very interested in this approach. Could never do actual open marriage but think DH and I could both benefit from "living a little." I think it could even reinvigorate our marriage a bit. But, ugh, no idea how to bring this up with him without making it sound like I want to cheat. I don't! I do want to flirt a bit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Pretty inappropriate, TBH.

It also sounds like cheating to me if you are having butterflies and getting excited for your date.

I mean, you know this.

They can both have butterflies as long they know to then go home and have fun with their respective spouses.
That works for a LOT of couples.
It's just that OP expressed it in a rather provoking way.

Reads like an attempt to justify testing the waters for a potential affair, and a setup to fall into an emotional affair even if it never gets physical.
And yes, emotional affairs are a real thing. They aren't just a "frisson" of fun to spice up your marital bedroom back home. They can do actual damage.

Yeah, well, I've been doing this for years and no harm done. Married 20 years, kids in high school and college. Circle of good friends.

Live a little, people! You only have one life.

A lot of people have their “first” affair at the 20, 25, 30 year mark. You’re not some sort of “pro” because you’ve been married for a long time.

This whole “frisson” idea to me is playing with 🔥🔥🔥🔥. When I am happy with DH, no other man can appeal to me.

[Anonymous]

Op, I’m divorced because my ex fell in love with his friend and couldn’t manage his very adolescent/ mid life crisis feelings. He’s wrecked our lives, wrecked our finances, hurt our children, caused moral confusion in our kids’ lives… hurt our families… he’d be the first to tell you it’s not worth it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Pretty inappropriate, TBH.

It also sounds like cheating to me if you are having butterflies and getting excited for your date.

I mean, you know this.

They can both have butterflies as long they know to then go home and have fun with their respective spouses.
That works for a LOT of couples.
It's just that OP expressed it in a rather provoking way.

Reads like an attempt to justify testing the waters for a potential affair, and a setup to fall into an emotional affair even if it never gets physical.
And yes, emotional affairs are a real thing. They aren't just a "frisson" of fun to spice up your marital bedroom back home. They can do actual damage.

Yeah, well, I've been doing this for years and no harm done. Married 20 years, kids in high school and college. Circle of good friends.

Live a little, people! You only have one life.

"Doing this for years"? You mean, flirting in the sense of stoking romantic/attraction feelings, with other men? I agree with the previous poster who pointed out that your "No harm done, married 20 years" does not insulate you from ending up with harm done. And why you think that having older kids and a "circle of good friends" magically makes it fine is...beyond me. Comes off as smug: "I get the romantic thrill and still have a great marriage and life!" This is the kind of shrugging arrogance that ends up hurting yourself or someone else. Either that, or your ability to pursue flirtation without any actual emotions ever happening might indicate you're pretty divorced from feelings.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How inappropriate is it to meet a guy for coffee while already being married to my spouse? Really missing the infatuation/early relationship days. How do you address that?

How would you feel if the script were flipped?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Pretty inappropriate, TBH.

It also sounds like cheating to me if you are having butterflies and getting excited for your date.

I mean, you know this.

They can both have butterflies as long they know to then go home and have fun with their respective spouses.
That works for a LOT of couples.
It's just that OP expressed it in a rather provoking way.

Reads like an attempt to justify testing the waters for a potential affair, and a setup to fall into an emotional affair even if it never gets physical.
And yes, emotional affairs are a real thing. They aren't just a "frisson" of fun to spice up your marital bedroom back home. They can do actual damage.

Yeah, well, I've been doing this for years and no harm done. Married 20 years, kids in high school and college. Circle of good friends.

Live a little, people! You only have one life.

Same. A bit younger, been together 15 years with two kids, good marriage with lots of closeness. My husband and I have talked about it and are both super clear that physical cheating is out of bounds and neither of us would do it. We can have whatever crushes we want as long as we are honest and come back home to each other for the physical part. Do I have a neighborhood Dad that I go on long walks with? Yes. It's ok, people.

I am very interested in this approach. Could never do actual open marriage but think DH and I could both benefit from "living a little." I think it could even reinvigorate our marriage a bit. But, ugh, no idea how to bring this up with him without making it sound like I want to cheat. I don't! I do want to flirt a bit.

DP. However you intend it, he might hear it as a veiled attempt to test the waters re: opening the marriage sexually, PP. You might find that though you yourself "could never do actual open marriage," he might decide he can--especially if you crack open the door to the idea for him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Pretty inappropriate, TBH.

It also sounds like cheating to me if you are having butterflies and getting excited for your date.

I mean, you know this.

They can both have butterflies as long they know to then go home and have fun with their respective spouses.
That works for a LOT of couples.
It's just that OP expressed it in a rather provoking way.

Reads like an attempt to justify testing the waters for a potential affair, and a setup to fall into an emotional affair even if it never gets physical.
And yes, emotional affairs are a real thing. They aren't just a "frisson" of fun to spice up your marital bedroom back home. They can do actual damage.

Yeah, well, I've been doing this for years and no harm done. Married 20 years, kids in high school and college. Circle of good friends.

Live a little, people! You only have one life.

A lot of people have their “first” affair at the 20, 25, 30 year mark. You’re not some sort of “pro” because you’ve been married for a long time.

This whole “frisson” idea to me is playing with 🔥🔥🔥🔥. When I am happy with DH, no other man can appeal to me.

This is crazy to me. I have no intention of cheating but I’m not blind. Of course I find other men sexually appealing. Do you genuinely feel no flicker of attraction at all towards anyone but your DH?

[Anonymous]

You can't do this.

[Anonymous]

No to a date, enjoy a nice conversation with a male coworker or friend you are kind of sort of attracted to.

I love a good banter with a charming coworker.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How inappropriate is it to meet a guy for coffee while already being married to my spouse? Really missing the infatuation/early relationship days. How do you address that?

Drop some more Troll threads in DCUM. That’ll do it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Pretty inappropriate, TBH.

It also sounds like cheating to me if you are having butterflies and getting excited for your date.

I mean, you know this.

They can both have butterflies as long they know to then go home and have fun with their respective spouses.
That works for a LOT of couples.
It's just that OP expressed it in a rather provoking way.

Reads like an attempt to justify testing the waters for a potential affair, and a setup to fall into an emotional affair even if it never gets physical.
And yes, emotional affairs are a real thing. They aren't just a "frisson" of fun to spice up your marital bedroom back home. They can do actual damage.

Yeah, well, I've been doing this for years and no harm done. Married 20 years, kids in high school and college. Circle of good friends.

Live a little, people! You only have one life.

A lot of people have their “first” affair at the 20, 25, 30 year mark. You’re not some sort of “pro” because you’ve been married for a long time.

This whole “frisson” idea to me is playing with 🔥🔥🔥🔥. When I am happy with DH, no other man can appeal to me.

This is crazy to me. I have no intention of cheating but I’m not blind. Of course I find other men sexually appealing. Do you genuinely feel no flicker of attraction at all towards anyone but your DH?

+1, the idea that you can't even be attracted to someone else is the sort of declaration that is screaming to be disproven in the most inconvenient way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How inappropriate is it to meet a guy for coffee while already being married to my spouse? Really missing the infatuation/early relationship days. How do you address that?

Go for it!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Pretty inappropriate, TBH.

It also sounds like cheating to me if you are having butterflies and getting excited for your date.

I mean, you know this.

They can both have butterflies as long they know to then go home and have fun with their respective spouses.
That works for a LOT of couples.
It's just that OP expressed it in a rather provoking way.

Reads like an attempt to justify testing the waters for a potential affair, and a setup to fall into an emotional affair even if it never gets physical.
And yes, emotional affairs are a real thing. They aren't just a "frisson" of fun to spice up your marital bedroom back home. They can do actual damage.

Yeah, well, I've been doing this for years and no harm done. Married 20 years, kids in high school and college. Circle of good friends.

Live a little, people! You only have one life.

A lot of people have their “first” affair at the 20, 25, 30 year mark. You’re not some sort of “pro” because you’ve been married for a long time.

This whole “frisson” idea to me is playing with 🔥🔥🔥🔥. When I am happy with DH, no other man can appeal to me.

This is crazy to me. I have no intention of cheating but I’m not blind. Of course I find other men sexually appealing. Do you genuinely feel no flicker of attraction at all towards anyone but your DH?

Honestly… no, not in real life, and I’m not saying it to seem more virtuous. I have even had crushes while married but it’s very much not-physical which I know seems weird. I have met men that seemed very pleasant and attractive but I have not myself been attracted to them. My husband and I had a very intense physical chemistry at the beginning of our relationship and I have just never felt anything like it for anyone else.

I guess I’m also picky- I find a lot of men that my friends think are handsome very unappealing. I think perhaps for me a person’s character is very important to how I feel about them and someone who is flirting with me as a married woman will turn me off. I seem to appreciate men as a concept more than reality. During Covid I developed a crush on a colleague who I had never met in person- and when I did meet him in person the crush was instantly over. He just lost his sparkle. I know it’s weird but that’s just how I’m wired.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Pretty inappropriate, TBH.

It also sounds like cheating to me if you are having butterflies and getting excited for your date.

I mean, you know this.

They can both have butterflies as long they know to then go home and have fun with their respective spouses.
That works for a LOT of couples.
It's just that OP expressed it in a rather provoking way.

Reads like an attempt to justify testing the waters for a potential affair, and a setup to fall into an emotional affair even if it never gets physical.
And yes, emotional affairs are a real thing. They aren't just a "frisson" of fun to spice up your marital bedroom back home. They can do actual damage.

Yeah, well, I've been doing this for years and no harm done. Married 20 years, kids in high school and college. Circle of good friends.

Live a little, people! You only have one life.

A lot of people have their “first” affair at the 20, 25, 30 year mark. You’re not some sort of “pro” because you’ve been married for a long time.

This whole “frisson” idea to me is playing with 🔥🔥🔥🔥. When I am happy with DH, no other man can appeal to me.

This is crazy to me. I have no intention of cheating but I’m not blind. Of course I find other men sexually appealing. Do you genuinely feel no flicker of attraction at all towards anyone but your DH?

Honestly… no, not in real life, and I’m not saying it to seem more virtuous. I have even had crushes while married but it’s very much not-physical which I know seems weird. I have met men that seemed very pleasant and attractive but I have not myself been attracted to them. My husband and I had a very intense physical chemistry at the beginning of our relationship and I have just never felt anything like it for anyone else.

I guess I’m also picky- I find a lot of men that my friends think are handsome very unappealing. I think perhaps for me a person’s character is very important to how I feel about them and someone who is flirting with me as a married woman will turn me off. I seem to appreciate men as a concept more than reality. During Covid I developed a crush on a colleague who I had never met in person- and when I did meet him in person the crush was instantly over. He just lost his sparkle. I know it’s weird but that’s just how I’m wired.

Life, and marriage, are long. I could have written this a few years ago. Then recently I developed an intense crush on a man in my life. I was horrified by how attracted I was to him-- it was so intense that it caused me a lot of stress because I truly didn't think I was capable of that kind of attraction towards another man anymore. I thought I'd reached a level of such deep love with my DH, after 15 years together, that anything else would pale in comparison.

I didn't act on it but the fantasies I had. I was never more relieved about the fact that no one could see my thoughts. A more innocent crush, I would have told a friend about it. Heck, if it were a crush on a celebrity, I would have told my DH. But it was a person in my life, and I was interested in him in a way I haven't felt about anyone since my husband. And he was very different from my husband too. Ugh, it was torment.

So you think it can't happen to you, but let me tell you, it can. And having those sorts of feelings about someone from inside an otherwise good marriage, with kids? It's not fun.