Go on a date while married?
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Anonymous
| I wouldn’t call that a date you are just getting coffee with a friend. Friends can have the banter/ flirtyness / fun vibe. Be an adult about it, this isn’t high school “like ooooo she is hanging out with a bOy!” |
Anonymous
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I love my male best friend
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Anonymous
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I'm not sure why people think this is a male friend.
OP calls it a date OP says she's missing the infatuation phase Sounds like OP wants to bang it out with some hot new dude. |
Anonymous
And that's another reason why OP shouldn't do it. This isn't seeing a friend as some here are assuming. She's framed it clearly as a "date" or let's say, "seeing if he's date-able" in her mind. OP, you do realize that your pursuit of that butterfiles-in-the-stomach crush feeling is basically not the innocent "I miss romance!" thing you think it is--right? It's the thin end of the wedge, so to speak. What is your plan if you go on this coffee date and the man wants to see you again, then wants to meet "just for dinner" when your DH isn't around, and then, and then....? You can sit here now and say confidently, "Oh, I just want one hour of flirting and feeling desirable and I'd never go on a REAL date!" blah blah. Easily said now. The man might have other plans for where he wants thing to go, and you haven't given a thought to whether that would influence you. I'd wager you'll claim you couldn't be influenced. Please don't be that naive. |
Anonymous
Yes there is a distinct different between grabbing a coffee with an existing friend (or colleague) and going out for coffee with a new person you met and had chemistry with. Though admittedly there is a gray area here. Could be a new colleague with whom there is chemistry but also it would not be weird to go get coffee with him, and OP is just feeling guilty because even though it's not a date at all, some part of her wishes it were, and thus the question. I have experienced this. There is someone in my life I have the opportunity to see with some regularity, but I can also not see him if I so choose. When I see him, it's never a date, it's just a circumstance of being the same place at the same time. But there is absolutely chemistry with him, at least on my end, and sometimes I find myself gut checking myself when I arrange my life... if I arrange things so I happen to see this person a big more often, how bad is that? Assuming nothing ever actually happens with him beyond casual conversation. My answer to this question varies by the day. Sometimes I think this is the most innocent thing and it hurts no one. Otherwise I wonder if I'm trying to have an emotional affair. 10 years married, 15 together with zero history of cheating with my spouse or anyone before. Long term monogamy has pitfalls, this is one of them. |
Anonymous
| Ummm sounds like cheating to me. How would you like it if your spouse when on a date or if they walk into the coffee shop and saw you on the date. |
Anonymous
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Pretty inappropriate, TBH.
It also sounds like cheating to me if you are having butterflies and getting excited for your date. I mean, you know this. |
Anonymous
They can both have butterflies as long they know to then go home and have fun with their respective spouses. That works for a LOT of couples. It's just that OP expressed it in a rather provoking way. |
Anonymous
| I ended up on an accidental date a few years ago and it was so invigorating, but I never would do that intentionally and I felt really bad after |
Anonymous
Only for people on the road to divorce. |
Anonymous
| I would like to after finding out my husband had an affair. I don't even want to sleep woth anyone- just date. I would if I could find a genuine guy willing to go on a date with a married woman. I have zero interest in misleading or lying about my relationship status even by omission. |
Anonymous
First--I"m sorry about your DH. That utterly sucks, PP. Regarding the post, though -- Like the OP, you're not thinking about what the man might think, want, expect. If women who are married try to "date" -- for that crush feeling in OP's case, as (I guess?) a bit of quite understandable revenge in your case -- they aren't thinking clearly that the other party might interpret the date in a very different way from "I just want to flirt again/I don't want to have sex with you." It could be misleading at best; it could end up as a dodgy or even risky situation, at worst. The exception could be if that "genuine guy" is actually already a guy friend who understands the entire scenario and has zero romantic or sexual inclinations. But then it's not a date at all, it's going out with a friend AS friends. Please, PP, be careful not to do something, at an entirely horrid time, that ends up creating more stress rather than relieving it. Same goes for OP if she's reading this thread still. |
Anonymous
Reads like an attempt to justify testing the waters for a potential affair, and a setup to fall into an emotional affair even if it never gets physical. And yes, emotional affairs are a real thing. They aren't just a "frisson" of fun to spice up your marital bedroom back home. They can do actual damage. |
Anonymous
Yeah, well, I've been doing this for years and no harm done. Married 20 years, kids in high school and college. Circle of good friends. Live a little, people! You only have one life. |
Anonymous
| No. You are married. |