Not welcome on vacation

[Anonymous]

You sound needy, desperate and clingy.

Your MIL is just not that into you. Stop trying to make it happen.

[Anonymous]

Please, please, warn your sons to not date or marry this girl or anyone like her.

[Anonymous]

NP. What in the world?? How is it in anyway normal for a mother to exclude her son’s live in fiancé with a set wedding date form a family vacation considering they been together 6 years.

Immediate family vacations with parents and siblings excluding significant others were fine when kids were younger living in the same house but the man is nearly 30 and has been out of the family home for a long time now. His definition of “immediate” family I’m sure includes his fiancé.

It seems like his mother is living out this fantasy of having just her and her children on a vacation expecting them to leave out their SOs as if they are little kids again. That ship has long sailed.

How is no one pointing out that it seems like his mother can’t cut the apron strings. He isn’t 19 years old he is 30 for crying out loud!

Also it was interesting how there was another thread made just recently about a mother who wanted to invite her 25 year old son on a family vacation and exclude his gf of a year and everyone jumped all over the mother saying how wrong that is.

[Anonymous]

You sound very young and naive.

First, it is AWESOME that she contacts her son and not you to deal with planning. There a thousands of people on this site complaining about having to manage their in-laws. You don’t have to do this. My MIL loves me a lot, but she still interacts with my husband to make plans 95% of the time.

Two, it is pretty common for folks to gift their son/daughter money and not formally write in the spouse’s name. It isn’t some high slight. If you have combined finances, then this doesn’t matter. If you haven’t combined finances, then it doesn’t matter. My in-laws love me and still gift my husband $100, me $50 (once we were married) and my kids $20. I’m not in a huff about this.

My MIL and I love each other a lot, but we aren’t besties. We don’t go shopping, have lunch together by ourselves, etc. I don’t buy her gifts. My husband handles all gift giving for his family (see my first point, this is AWESOME).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you're running into a generational differences. If you are not actively planning to marry, then you are not really engaged. And she may be trying to make that point to you.

Or, she doesn't think you're a good choice of future wife for her son, that's also possible.

While it is rude to exclude a serious partner, it is also rude to call out other people's rudeness and demand to be included. So you don't have a good option here other than getting married.

I mean if someone is rudely excluding you then that means you should be included. So what you’re saying is that I have to accept people’s rude behavior towards me and have no standards of how I should be treated.

Also she can exclude me all she wants but my fiancé’s loyalty lies with me so he isn’t going to go where I’m rudely excluded.

Is this true? I feel like you've posted about this before. Its continually a problem for you, so it doesnt sound like your fiances loyalty is helping (or existent?).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How do I prevent my kids from ending up with someone like this?

Someone like a fiance who expects to be invited? How terrible of me

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:NP. What in the world?? How is it in anyway normal for a mother to exclude her son’s live in fiancé with a set wedding date form a family vacation considering they been together 6 years.

Immediate family vacations with parents and siblings excluding significant others were fine when kids were younger living in the same house but the man is nearly 30 and has been out of the family home for a long time now. His definition of “immediate” family I’m sure includes his fiancé.

It seems like his mother is living out this fantasy of having just her and her children on a vacation expecting them to leave out their SOs as if they are little kids again. That ship has long sailed.

How is no one pointing out that it seems like his mother can’t cut the apron strings. He isn’t 19 years old he is 30 for crying out loud!

Also it was interesting how there was another thread made just recently about a mother who wanted to invite her 25 year old son on a family vacation and exclude his gf of a year and everyone jumped all over the mother saying how wrong that is.

This reads like a chat GPT rewrite of the OP. Nearly 30...who cares?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Still no answer from op on wedding date. She knows she isn’t engaged.

I'm not even sure her boyfriend and his mom know they are supposedly engaged...

+1. That girl is not engaged to her son and he doesn’t ever want to be.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You sound very young and naive.

First, it is AWESOME that she contacts her son and not you to deal with planning. There a thousands of people on this site complaining about having to manage their in-laws. You don’t have to do this. My MIL loves me a lot, but she still interacts with my husband to make plans 95% of the time.

Two, it is pretty common for folks to gift their son/daughter money and not formally write in the spouse’s name. It isn’t some high slight. If you have combined finances, then this doesn’t matter. If you haven’t combined finances, then it doesn’t matter. My in-laws love me and still gift my husband $100, me $50 (once we were married) and my kids $20. I’m not in a huff about this.

My MIL and I love each other a lot, but we aren’t besties. We don’t go shopping, have lunch together by ourselves, etc. I don’t buy her gifts. My husband handles all gift giving for his family (see my first point, this is AWESOME).

Let me add. The one place I think you have a point is on the vacation. But your fiancé should have just said “sally will come too.” If MIL objected, then you have a problem. Otherwise, she probably didn’t do this on purpose and just isn’t used to you guys living together.

[Anonymous]

People are being tough on Op.
It does sound like she doesn’t like or approve of you. I can see that being hurtful. Maybe she will soften over time and when you two get married. Mother-in-laws have been made fun of in TV sitcoms for decades. You are experiencing it in real life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Please, please, warn your sons to not date or marry this girl or anyone like her.

Yeah, OK MIL.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How do I prevent my kids from ending up with someone like this?

Someone like a fiance who expects to be invited? How terrible of me

Someone like a brat who cannot give a wedding date because she is pretending to be engaged.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Please, please, warn your sons to not date or marry this girl or anyone like her.

Yeah, OK MIL.

You only wish you had a mil.

[Anonymous]

Well, sometimes people are rude on purpose to make a point. It's possible she doesn't think you're a good choice for him. It's possible she doesn't approve of you living together. It's possible she knows he doesn't want to marry you so she's trying to run you off for your own good. Or maybe she's just a rude awful person. Who knows. But we all have the right to be rude.

You can choose to put up with it, you can marry him and have a rude MIL for the rest of your life, or you can break up with your "fiance". Those are your options. It is what it is.

Either you plan a wedding and get married, or you're not really engaged. The forever-fiance thing where you want the privileges of being engaged without ever actually marrying doesn't fly for a lot of people. I certainly wouldn't want that for my daughter.

[Anonymous]

Maybe mil doesn’t want to change ops diapers.
She has already raised children.