Not welcome on vacation

[Anonymous]

Alright so my fiance and i have been together almost 6 years. I’m 25 almost 26 and he is 29 almost 30. We both live together in an apartment in Georgia. Both of our families are from PA. So about 13 hours away. My fiance tented a room from his old neighbor back in PA and i lived with my parents.

Every sunday just about we would go over to his mom and step dads for dinner. I always got along really well with them and his now 23 year old brother. His 28 year old brother lives out in Cali. When my fiancé moved in april i had to wait 1.5 years to move with him to save up money get my license and my own car. During that time I have reached out to his mom through text multiple times and i would get a one word response and i would mention getting together for lunch or something to catch up and she would say she would get back to me and then she never did.

It really hurt my feelings because i thought she liked me. I even went over to her house on her bday and gave her a bday card with a gift card to her fave restaurant in it. On my birthday i got no acknowledgement. Yes she is huge on bdays because with everyone else she goes all out and even texts andrew every time it’s some random cousins bday to make sure he acknowledges it. Now that we live together and are engaged i thought she would acknowledge my presence in her son’s life more but nope. On xmas she gave him money and addressed it just to him which i found odd because we were engaged at the time and usually unless its a bday or something cards and invites get addressed to both parties of the couple because once you are engaged/married you are a social unit. My family addressed all xmas cards to both of us. She will mail him coupons and address it just to him with nothing in there for me.

I am just really confused because she seemed to really like me but she treats me like we aren’t engaged living together and have been together years. She acts like i dont exist at times. Literally only texts me when she can’t get a hold of my fiance. It’s like i only exist to her when she needs something and it hurts. I talked to my fiance about it and he said she has never mentioned not liking me. I also joked with him about her bot realizing i live there now too and he agrees it’s odd. Obviously i wouldnt want him to say anything to her but it does hurt my feelings.

Here is the icing she talked about going to visit her other son (the one that lives in cali) and said to andrew when she called would you like to go with me. Didnt say would you guys like to come with me. Again acting like we aren’t engaged. And I’m sorry but once a couple is engaged/married they should be invited as a couple. My fiancé then said well i would have to check with her to see about her vacation time. Basically hinting that it was rude of her to not acknowledge me and my fiance said she didnt say anything just oh ok…

Does anyone else have MILs that have poor manners and act like they dont exist? How do i handle it? Just ignore it i guess?

[Anonymous]

You’re 25 and too young to be engaged. You also started dating this guy at 19. This is not the 1930s.

[Anonymous]

I think you're running into a generational differences. If you are not actively planning to marry, then you are not really engaged. And she may be trying to make that point to you.

Or, she doesn't think you're a good choice of future wife for her son, that's also possible.

While it is rude to exclude a serious partner, it is also rude to call out other people's rudeness and demand to be included. So you don't have a good option here other than getting married.

[Anonymous]

You’re not married, stop trying to force his mother to pretend that you are. And you are very immature.

[Anonymous]

When is the supposed wedding?

[Anonymous]

Your fiance can mention this to her, but he cannot change her against her will. "Hey Mom, I notice you don't acknowledge or include Sarah in birthday wishes or gifts, or even correspondence, but we're getting married, so you might want to make an effort."

Perhaps she'll be a perfectly decent mother-in-law, albeit one who isn't big on social graces! Maybe she's going to look after your kids, or be helpful in other ways, but never remember your birthday! I'm just saying, everyone is different, and you shouldn't start a war based on assumptions. She can only give what she can give.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think you're running into a generational differences. If you are not actively planning to marry, then you are not really engaged. And she may be trying to make that point to you.

Or, she doesn't think you're a good choice of future wife for her son, that's also possible.

While it is rude to exclude a serious partner, it is also rude to call out other people's rudeness and demand to be included. So you don't have a good option here other than getting married.

I mean if someone is rudely excluding you then that means you should be included. So what you’re saying is that I have to accept people’s rude behavior towards me and have no standards of how I should be treated.

Also she can exclude me all she wants but my fiancé’s loyalty lies with me so he isn’t going to go where I’m rudely excluded.

[Anonymous]

I don't see her doing anything wrong here. I will probably be the same kind of mother. You are not married, it's weird that you want her to treat you like her daughter. I realize you think your bday gift to her was amazing but it probably made her uncomfortable. Young unmarried couples who demand to always be a unit are odd.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you're running into a generational differences. If you are not actively planning to marry, then you are not really engaged. And she may be trying to make that point to you.

Or, she doesn't think you're a good choice of future wife for her son, that's also possible.

While it is rude to exclude a serious partner, it is also rude to call out other people's rudeness and demand to be included. So you don't have a good option here other than getting married.

I mean if someone is rudely excluding you then that means you should be included. So what you’re saying is that I have to accept people’s rude behavior towards me and have no standards of how I should be treated.

Also she can exclude me all she wants but my fiancé’s loyalty lies with me so he isn’t going to go where I’m rudely excluded.

How come you didn’t answer the question asked if your wedding date?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you're running into a generational differences. If you are not actively planning to marry, then you are not really engaged. And she may be trying to make that point to you.

Or, she doesn't think you're a good choice of future wife for her son, that's also possible.

While it is rude to exclude a serious partner, it is also rude to call out other people's rudeness and demand to be included. So you don't have a good option here other than getting married.

I mean if someone is rudely excluding you then that means you should be included. So what you’re saying is that I have to accept people’s rude behavior towards me and have no standards of how I should be treated.

Also she can exclude me all she wants but my fiancé’s loyalty lies with me so he isn’t going to go where I’m rudely excluded.

Yeah, well I’m team mom and you are a brat. It’s easy to see why she would exclude you.

[Anonymous]

How do I prevent my kids from ending up with someone like this?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You’re not married, stop trying to force his mother to pretend that you are. And you are very immature. [/quote

But we are engaged and live together. This is 2024 it’s odd to not include both people when they live together and are adults.

Whenever I see threads on here about people who are in a long term committed relationship that live together they always told they shouldn’t leave out their child’s partner from vacation.

Just like the one mom who posted a while back who said her son is 25 and her son started dating a girl a year ago and everyone was saying he is 25 years old the time for family vacations excluding a serious significant other is over. It would be beneficial so you don’t hurt the relationship with your son and start the relationship with his gf off on the wrong foot to invite her.

Now how come in my case when we actually live together have been together many years and are engaged to be married this summer it’s ok to exclude me.

He has been out of the family home for years doesn’t his mother realize he is living with me and engaged in a whole other state he probably considers me part of the package deal for family vacations as he prob considers his fiancé his family.

[Anonymous]

She probably does like you but doesn't want to get close until you are actually married. It may be generational, religious, or a quirk but her mind doesn't comprehend this as a permanent union.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you're running into a generational differences. If you are not actively planning to marry, then you are not really engaged. And she may be trying to make that point to you.

Or, she doesn't think you're a good choice of future wife for her son, that's also possible.

While it is rude to exclude a serious partner, it is also rude to call out other people's rudeness and demand to be included. So you don't have a good option here other than getting married.

I mean if someone is rudely excluding you then that means you should be included. So what you’re saying is that I have to accept people’s rude behavior towards me and have no standards of how I should be treated.

Also she can exclude me all she wants but my fiancé’s loyalty lies with me so he isn’t going to go where I’m rudely excluded.

And his mother’s loyalty doesn’t lie with you and you cannot demand that it does. You aren’t married and I bet she sees right through your immaturity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How do I prevent my kids from ending up with someone like this?

+1