Young Professional DD Self Harm Event

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am not sure why you are associating your daughter’s boyfriend with whatever caused her self harm. Reading your first few sentences I assumed she had stress or anxiety over her job and that was possibly a caused her self harm. Have you asked your daughter if she struggling at work or with life after college graduation, which can be very different?

I have inquired although I do not believe I am always told the whole truth. My impression is that my DD is enjoying that early part of your career - experiencing success - recent promotion. Takes pride in her work and genuinely seems to enjoy her first professional job.

On the day of the event she was texting with DW and DD and had plans with DS to go out after work. We lost contact with her in the middle of the afternoon after active texting with family members. Medical professionals have expressed that she needs to learn coping skills to handle bad news and one intimated to my DW that it was related to a romantic relationship.

As I am learning by others sharing their insights I should not be focusing on the cause (which I was/am) and should focus on helping my DD get healthy which is one of the take-aways I have from this posting.

"I am not sure why you are associating your daughter’s boyfriend with whatever caused her self harm."

Because a medical professional stated so. There is a definitive nexus here between BF and DD. That fact cannot be ignored. The fact that DD has plans to go out with her brother after work is also significant. Perhaps BF expressed jealousy and made some sort of demand/ultimatum.

OP, while you certainly cannot control your adult daughter's relationships, neither can you ignore red flags and your gut instincts. Your family should be supportive of DD and encourage her to be honest and forthcoming about what her troubles are - you love her no matter what.

I don’t understand why the medical professional would allow the boyfriend to be in the room with the daughter if they thought he was the reason for her self harm.

[Anonymous]

Wow!

I am so sorry for your DD's mental health. My DD also had a failed relationship in her college and later reconnected with this person again. It messed her up for some time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am not sure why you are associating your daughter’s boyfriend with whatever caused her self harm. Reading your first few sentences I assumed she had stress or anxiety over her job and that was possibly a caused her self harm. Have you asked your daughter if she struggling at work or with life after college graduation, which can be very different?

I have inquired although I do not believe I am always told the whole truth. My impression is that my DD is enjoying that early part of your career - experiencing success - recent promotion. Takes pride in her work and genuinely seems to enjoy her first professional job.

On the day of the event she was texting with DW and DD and had plans with DS to go out after work. We lost contact with her in the middle of the afternoon after active texting with family members. Medical professionals have expressed that she needs to learn coping skills to handle bad news and one intimated to my DW that it was related to a romantic relationship.

As I am learning by others sharing their insights I should not be focusing on the cause (which I was/am) and should focus on helping my DD get healthy which is one of the take-aways I have from this posting.

"I am not sure why you are associating your daughter’s boyfriend with whatever caused her self harm."

Because a medical professional stated so. There is a definitive nexus here between BF and DD. That fact cannot be ignored. The fact that DD has plans to go out with her brother after work is also significant. Perhaps BF expressed jealousy and made some sort of demand/ultimatum.

OP, while you certainly cannot control your adult daughter's relationships, neither can you ignore red flags and your gut instincts. Your family should be supportive of DD and encourage her to be honest and forthcoming about what her troubles are - you love her no matter what.

I don’t understand why the medical professional would allow the boyfriend to be in the room with the daughter if they thought he was the reason for her self harm.

OP here.

That’s a very good point.

My wife, who is a medical professional, asked the Doctor if it was related to “a man”, implying romantic partner, and my wife says the Doctor gave her look which she took to be affirmative without actually saying anything.

But you raise a very fair point.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am not sure why you are associating your daughter’s boyfriend with whatever caused her self harm. Reading your first few sentences I assumed she had stress or anxiety over her job and that was possibly a caused her self harm. Have you asked your daughter if she struggling at work or with life after college graduation, which can be very different?

I have inquired although I do not believe I am always told the whole truth. My impression is that my DD is enjoying that early part of your career - experiencing success - recent promotion. Takes pride in her work and genuinely seems to enjoy her first professional job.

On the day of the event she was texting with DW and DD and had plans with DS to go out after work. We lost contact with her in the middle of the afternoon after active texting with family members. Medical professionals have expressed that she needs to learn coping skills to handle bad news and one intimated to my DW that it was related to a romantic relationship.

As I am learning by others sharing their insights I should not be focusing on the cause (which I was/am) and should focus on helping my DD get healthy which is one of the take-aways I have from this posting.

"I am not sure why you are associating your daughter’s boyfriend with whatever caused her self harm."

Because a medical professional stated so. There is a definitive nexus here between BF and DD. That fact cannot be ignored. The fact that DD has plans to go out with her brother after work is also significant. Perhaps BF expressed jealousy and made some sort of demand/ultimatum.

OP, while you certainly cannot control your adult daughter's relationships, neither can you ignore red flags and your gut instincts. Your family should be supportive of DD and encourage her to be honest and forthcoming about what her troubles are - you love her no matter what.

I don’t understand why the medical professional would allow the boyfriend to be in the room with the daughter if they thought he was the reason for her self harm.

OP here.

That’s a very good point.

My wife, who is a medical professional, asked the Doctor if it was related to “a man”, implying romantic partner, and my wife says the Doctor gave her look which she took to be affirmative without actually saying anything.

But you raise a very fair point.

You need to stop reading into things. If your wife was looking for the doctor to affirm her thought about the boyfriend she would take any look, body language etc and assume he was affirming.

[Anonymous]

OP, you and your wife may find a NAMI support group or their Family to Family course helpful. Information on the website may also be useful. https://nami.org/Home

https://nami.org/Press-Media/Press-Releases/2005/After-an-Attempt-NAMI-Publishes-Suicide-Prevention

I'm so glad your DD was found in time. Your family will be in my prayers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am not sure why you are associating your daughter’s boyfriend with whatever caused her self harm. Reading your first few sentences I assumed she had stress or anxiety over her job and that was possibly a caused her self harm. Have you asked your daughter if she struggling at work or with life after college graduation, which can be very different?

I have inquired although I do not believe I am always told the whole truth. My impression is that my DD is enjoying that early part of your career - experiencing success - recent promotion. Takes pride in her work and genuinely seems to enjoy her first professional job.

On the day of the event she was texting with DW and DD and had plans with DS to go out after work. We lost contact with her in the middle of the afternoon after active texting with family members. Medical professionals have expressed that she needs to learn coping skills to handle bad news and one intimated to my DW that it was related to a romantic relationship.

As I am learning by others sharing their insights I should not be focusing on the cause (which I was/am) and should focus on helping my DD get healthy which is one of the take-aways I have from this posting.

"I am not sure why you are associating your daughter’s boyfriend with whatever caused her self harm."

Because a medical professional stated so. There is a definitive nexus here between BF and DD. That fact cannot be ignored. The fact that DD has plans to go out with her brother after work is also significant. Perhaps BF expressed jealousy and made some sort of demand/ultimatum.

OP, while you certainly cannot control your adult daughter's relationships, neither can you ignore red flags and your gut instincts. Your family should be supportive of DD and encourage her to be honest and forthcoming about what her troubles are - you love her no matter what.

I don’t understand why the medical professional would allow the boyfriend to be in the room with the daughter if they thought he was the reason for her self harm.

OP here.

That’s a very good point.

My wife, who is a medical professional, asked the Doctor if it was related to “a man”, implying romantic partner, and my wife says the Doctor gave her look which she took to be affirmative without actually saying anything.

But you raise a very fair point.

You need to stop reading into things. If your wife was looking for the doctor to affirm her thought about the boyfriend she would take any look, body language etc and assume he was affirming.

OP here.

I understand and appreciate your perspective.

As I am learning I really only need to focus on providing unconditional support.

Thank you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, you and your wife may find a NAMI support group or their Family to Family course helpful. Information on the website may also be useful. https://nami.org/Home

https://nami.org/Press-Media/Press-Releases/2005/After-an-Attempt-NAMI-Publishes-Suicide-Prevention

I'm so glad your DD was found in time. Your family will be in my prayers.

OP here.

Thank you for sharing these and your kind, supportive thoughts and prayers.

It looks like there are local chapters so I will reach out and start to learn more.

Thank you.

[Anonymous]

Wishing you and your family the best, OP. It is so gut wrenching when you want to protect but have so little control, as they are young adults.

If your DD does inpatient, there may be family therapy resources offered there, too. It's important that all of you have needed help to navigate this extreme stress, other young adult kids too.

[Anonymous]

Dear OP. This is a lot to unpack. In addition to NAMI, I may suggest you contact your own EAP. Most employers have programs where you can get 6-8 sessions with a licensed counselor. At no cost.This person can help you unpack a lot of the layers of issues that are going on. And the person is neutral. They are just there to support your process. Lots do telehealth. Many counselors can give you good recommendations on books to read or other supports.And how to “parent” an adult child with a mental illness. Good luck to you and you family as you work through this.

[Anonymous]

OP here.

I want to thank everyone for their posts and support.

My DW has learned that my DD has contracted a STD which led my DD to confirm that her BF has been cheating.

My DD very recently moved out of the family home and rented a nice apartment. So I believe she was getting her own place partly because she (naturally) wanted her own space for them to share and spend their time together. There is no indication that he has moved into the apartment. Instead she found out that he was cheating. Of course her heart is broken.

The timing also makes sense as she was communicating with my DW and DD and making plans with DS and then abruptly overdosed.

My heart goes out to my DD. This was her first romantic love. I will admit I was trying to keep an open mind given their differences in culture, educational attainment, basically SES status. Given his child support obligations from other entanglement and now this I no longer see him as a viable partner. I realize that is not my decision but I really hope my DD has enough self respect to reach the same conclusion.

She is staying with us for the time being. I think she fell hard for this young man and I think my DS was correct when he said their relationship was toxic.

I am not going to let on to my DD that I am aware of the situation and will work to provide a safe haven for her at the family house.

To the previous posters who pointed out that the medical professionals would not let her BF into her room if he was responsible for her self harm it does make you wonder. I had assumed she called him so perhaps she gave her approval.

The fact that she is not comfortable discussing her relationship with DW and sister likely makes her feel more alone. It is a very sad situation.

I do recognize that all this doesn’t change the need for my DD to receive care so that she can develop better coping skills.

[Anonymous]

I am so sorry, OP.

Was she found or did she call 911 herself?

Hopefully there is a nascent self preservation impulse that can be built upon.

Family therapy could benefit all of you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here.

I want to thank everyone for their posts and support.

My DW has learned that my DD has contracted a STD which led my DD to confirm that her BF has been cheating.

My DD very recently moved out of the family home and rented a nice apartment. So I believe she was getting her own place partly because she (naturally) wanted her own space for them to share and spend their time together. There is no indication that he has moved into the apartment. Instead she found out that he was cheating. Of course her heart is broken.

The timing also makes sense as she was communicating with my DW and DD and making plans with DS and then abruptly overdosed.

My heart goes out to my DD. This was her first romantic love. I will admit I was trying to keep an open mind given their differences in culture, educational attainment, basically SES status. Given his child support obligations from other entanglement and now this I no longer see him as a viable partner. I realize that is not my decision but I really hope my DD has enough self respect to reach the same conclusion.

She is staying with us for the time being. I think she fell hard for this young man and I think my DS was correct when he said their relationship was toxic.

I am not going to let on to my DD that I am aware of the situation and will work to provide a safe haven for her at the family house.

To the previous posters who pointed out that the medical professionals would not let her BF into her room if he was responsible for her self harm it does make you wonder. I had assumed she called him so perhaps she gave her approval.

The fact that she is not comfortable discussing her relationship with DW and sister likely makes her feel more alone. It is a very sad situation.

I do recognize that all this doesn’t change the need for my DD to receive care so that she can develop better coping skills.

If it was a gesture to seize his attention, she likely asked for him to be with her, OP. Did she call him after ODing? Was he the one who found her and called 911? If so, he may have ridden in the ambulance with her?

It's different than it he had say, beaten her, when he would have been barred.

Your DD sounds like she has had a lot of focus on external achievement but is lacking in core self valuation. It goes beyond mere coping skills. It will be a long process for her to change her relationship with herself and for all of you to learn to relate to her in a healthy way, co-dependence and over protectiveness after such an incident are natural impulses.

[Anonymous]

The issue is not this guy, per se, OP. It's whatever has gone awry in your DD's sense of self that she chose him and in response to being cheated on, chose a dramatic gesture that could have ended her life. He does not fit at all with the rest of her choices but represents something very stark about how she truly sees herself in the world.

Does she have some abuse or trauma history? Assault or bullying?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am so sorry, OP.

Was she found or did she call 911 herself?

Hopefully there is a nascent self preservation impulse that can be built upon.

Family therapy could benefit all of you.

It is my understanding that she called 911. She stated she called almost immediately after taking the pills. I would like to believe that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here.

I want to thank everyone for their posts and support.

My DW has learned that my DD has contracted a STD which led my DD to confirm that her BF has been cheating.

My DD very recently moved out of the family home and rented a nice apartment. So I believe she was getting her own place partly because she (naturally) wanted her own space for them to share and spend their time together. There is no indication that he has moved into the apartment. Instead she found out that he was cheating. Of course her heart is broken.

The timing also makes sense as she was communicating with my DW and DD and making plans with DS and then abruptly overdosed.

My heart goes out to my DD. This was her first romantic love. I will admit I was trying to keep an open mind given their differences in culture, educational attainment, basically SES status. Given his child support obligations from other entanglement and now this I no longer see him as a viable partner. I realize that is not my decision but I really hope my DD has enough self respect to reach the same conclusion.

She is staying with us for the time being. I think she fell hard for this young man and I think my DS was correct when he said their relationship was toxic.

I am not going to let on to my DD that I am aware of the situation and will work to provide a safe haven for her at the family house.

To the previous posters who pointed out that the medical professionals would not let her BF into her room if he was responsible for her self harm it does make you wonder. I had assumed she called him so perhaps she gave her approval.

The fact that she is not comfortable discussing her relationship with DW and sister likely makes her feel more alone. It is a very sad situation.

I do recognize that all this doesn’t change the need for my DD to receive care so that she can develop better coping skills.

If it was a gesture to seize his attention, she likely asked for him to be with her, OP. Did she call him after ODing? Was he the one who found her and called 911? If so, he may have ridden in the ambulance with her?

It's different than it he had say, beaten her, when he would have been barred.

Your DD sounds like she has had a lot of focus on external achievement but is lacking in core self valuation. It goes beyond mere coping skills. It will be a long process for her to change her relationship with herself and for all of you to learn to relate to her in a healthy way, co-dependence and over protectiveness after such an incident are natural impulses.

I do not know but I think she called him after the event. I do not believe he was with her but I do not know that so I cannot be sure. He was at the hospital when my DS arrived. It is entirely possible that he was with her at the apartment and ride in the ambulance.

My DW has said in the past that my DD has self esteem issues but she was also aware of the relationship at that time and I was not.

Your answer is very helpful - thank you.

As I think about it there are other unrelated things in the past that have made me wonder why she was seeking external validation.

Thank you.