Reply to Young Professional DD Self Harm Event

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here.

I want to thank everyone for their posts and support.

My DW has learned that my DD has contracted a STD which led my DD to confirm that her BF has been cheating.

My DD very recently moved out of the family home and rented a nice apartment. So I believe she was getting her own place partly because she (naturally) wanted her own space for them to share and spend their time together. There is no indication that he has moved into the apartment. Instead she found out that he was cheating. Of course her heart is broken.

The timing also makes sense as she was communicating with my DW and DD and making plans with DS and then abruptly overdosed.

My heart goes out to my DD. This was her first romantic love. I will admit I was trying to keep an open mind given their differences in culture, educational attainment, basically SES status. Given his child support obligations from other entanglement and now this I no longer see him as a viable partner. I realize that is not my decision but I really hope my DD has enough self respect to reach the same conclusion.

She is staying with us for the time being. I think she fell hard for this young man and I think my DS was correct when he said their relationship was toxic.

I am not going to let on to my DD that I am aware of the situation and will work to provide a safe haven for her at the family house.

To the previous posters who pointed out that the medical professionals would not let her BF into her room if he was responsible for her self harm it does make you wonder. I had assumed she called him so perhaps she gave her approval.

The fact that she is not comfortable discussing her relationship with DW and sister likely makes her feel more alone. It is a very sad situation.

I do recognize that all this doesn’t change the need for my DD to receive care so that she can develop better coping skills. [/quote]

If it was a gesture to seize his attention, she likely asked for him to be with her, OP. Did she call him after ODing? Was he the one who found her and called 911? If so, he may have ridden in the ambulance with her?

It's different than it he had say, beaten her, when he would have been barred.

Your DD sounds like she has had a lot of focus on external achievement but is lacking in core self valuation. It goes beyond mere coping skills. It will be a long process for her to change her relationship with herself and for all of you to learn to relate to her in a healthy way, co-dependence and over protectiveness after such an incident are natural impulses. [/quote]

I do not know but I think she called him after the event. I do not believe he was with her but I do not know that so I cannot be sure. He was at the hospital when my DS arrived. It is entirely possible that he was with her at the apartment and ride in the ambulance.

My DW has said in the past that my DD has self esteem issues but she was also aware of the relationship at that time and I was not.

Your answer is very helpful - thank you.

As I think about it there are other unrelated things in the past that have made me wonder why she was seeking external validation.

Thank you.
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