SIL in her 50’s doesn’t pay her rent

[Anonymous]

You should be careful. If she ruins mil credit it could very well become your problem (ie mil could lose her house and come stay with you.). Also, be very sure that your dh will NOT co-sign for her when she gets kicked out. Frankly letting her spiral is a mistake your family will eventually suffer you need to take over her financial matters or get her into therapy stat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I agree SIL sounds irksome. If you don't have kids, great! Divorce DH and that family because you will always resent their presence in your life. Problem solved.

+1

SIL’s attitude of entitlement is strong, whether it’s her feeling that she deserves to live somewhere without paying rent or deserves to demand a different beverage than the choices given to her. That makes her a jerk. And if she’s stolen things from them, that’s pretty bad. But it also sounds like DH’s mother is in the front lines on this. And a birthday dinner is a normal thing to do, whether or not she’s a grifter in the rest of her life.

OP, does your MIL make a good income? Or are the two of them going to become DH’s (and therefore your) financial problem at some point?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You should be careful. If she ruins mil credit it could very well become your problem (ie mil could lose her house and come stay with you.). Also, be very sure that your dh will NOT co-sign for her when she gets kicked out. Frankly letting her spiral is a mistake your family will eventually suffer you need to take over her financial matters or get her into therapy stat.

Yes, I know. This is something I worry about. As far as taking her over financial matters or getting her into therapy, I don’t get a say in her life, and in the past when I’ve even raised a concern about it, I’ve been shot down, both by DH and his family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I agree SIL sounds irksome. If you don't have kids, great! Divorce DH and that family because you will always resent their presence in your life. Problem solved.

+1

SIL’s attitude of entitlement is strong, whether it’s her feeling that she deserves to live somewhere without paying rent or deserves to demand a different beverage than the choices given to her. That makes her a jerk. And if she’s stolen things from them, that’s pretty bad. But it also sounds like DH’s mother is in the front lines on this. And a birthday dinner is a normal thing to do, whether or not she’s a grifter in the rest of her life.

OP, does your MIL make a good income? Or are the two of them going to become DH’s (and therefore your) financial problem at some point?

MIL does not and has never worked. She has a paid off house and some money and pension from her dead husband - probably enough for her for her life, but I don’t know how much.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I agree SIL sounds irksome. If you don't have kids, great! Divorce DH and that family because you will always resent their presence in your life. Problem solved.

+1

SIL’s attitude of entitlement is strong, whether it’s her feeling that she deserves to live somewhere without paying rent or deserves to demand a different beverage than the choices given to her. That makes her a jerk. And if she’s stolen things from them, that’s pretty bad. But it also sounds like DH’s mother is in the front lines on this. And a birthday dinner is a normal thing to do, whether or not she’s a grifter in the rest of her life.

OP, does your MIL make a good income? Or are the two of them going to become DH’s (and therefore your) financial problem at some point?

MIL does not and has never worked. She has a paid off house and some money and pension from her dead husband - probably enough for her for her life, but I don’t know how much.

Does MIL fund SILs rent/lifestyle?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I agree SIL sounds irksome. If you don't have kids, great! Divorce DH and that family because you will always resent their presence in your life. Problem solved.

+1

SIL’s attitude of entitlement is strong, whether it’s her feeling that she deserves to live somewhere without paying rent or deserves to demand a different beverage than the choices given to her. That makes her a jerk. And if she’s stolen things from them, that’s pretty bad. But it also sounds like DH’s mother is in the front lines on this. And a birthday dinner is a normal thing to do, whether or not she’s a grifter in the rest of her life.

OP, does your MIL make a good income? Or are the two of them going to become DH’s (and therefore your) financial problem at some point?

MIL does not and has never worked. She has a paid off house and some money and pension from her dead husband - probably enough for her for her life, but I don’t know how much.

Does MIL fund SILs rent/lifestyle?

I guess some of it (hence the co-signing), but not enough to sustain, given the previous eviction and current cases against her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OK? So don’t invite her over or see her. If husband invites her, go out with friends that night. Non-problem.

Well, she’s stolen things from our house before, so no.

OK? SO DON’T INVITE HER OVER, THEN. And if any plans are made to see her, don’t go. Again, non-problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OK? So don’t invite her over or see her. If husband invites her, go out with friends that night. Non-problem.

Well, she’s stolen things from our house before, so no.

OK? SO DON’T INVITE HER OVER, THEN. And if any plans are made to see her, don’t go. Again, non-problem.

Thanks, PP! I’m glad you solved the riddle!

[Anonymous]

I think OP has a right to be concerned about her SIL. If SIL is 50, then grandma is 75 ish. If grandma has to go to a retirement home or dies, SIL will become the problem of her brother/OP.

The rose wine thing is odd. I suspect SIL doesn’t like OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I also don't understand what treating he rto lunch and her not paying her bills have anything to do with each other. I'm wealthy and treat lots of people to lunch.

I will send you her contact information so you can treat her to lunch.

We are not wealthy and work incredibly hard for our money, despite my mental health issues.

Um, what about my post says that I don't work hard for my wealth?

Post your email and I will send you her info.

I don't know why you think you are the only person on earth with deadbeat relatives. I've got a ton of them, but I treat them with kindness, never loan them money and keep my financial distance. Super easy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I also don't understand what treating he rto lunch and her not paying her bills have anything to do with each other. I'm wealthy and treat lots of people to lunch.

I will send you her contact information so you can treat her to lunch.

We are not wealthy and work incredibly hard for our money, despite my mental health issues.

Um, what about my post says that I don't work hard for my wealth?

Post your email and I will send you her info.

I don't know why you think you are the only person on earth with deadbeat relatives. I've got a ton of them, but I treat them with kindness, never loan them money and keep my financial distance. Super easy.

Huh? I don’t. So not sure why you would claim that, but nothing I wrote said that. Glad you were able to become wealthy despite learning to read.

That’s nice you treat your deadbeat relatives with kindness. I have also, hence the SIL treating me like she can walk all over me. The wine thing is just one example and a vent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I also don't understand what treating he rto lunch and her not paying her bills have anything to do with each other. I'm wealthy and treat lots of people to lunch.

I will send you her contact information so you can treat her to lunch.

We are not wealthy and work incredibly hard for our money, despite my mental health issues.

Um, what about my post says that I don't work hard for my wealth?

Post your email and I will send you her info.

I don't know why you think you are the only person on earth with deadbeat relatives. I've got a ton of them, but I treat them with kindness, never loan them money and keep my financial distance. Super easy.

Huh? I don’t. So not sure why you would claim that, but nothing I wrote said that. Glad you were able to become wealthy despite learning to read.

That’s nice you treat your deadbeat relatives with kindness. I have also, hence the SIL treating me like she can walk all over me. The wine thing is just one example and a vent.

Not to mention I can easily keep my financial distance. However, being married to someone that seems to not understand the implications of SIL being evicted and a deadbeat and still demanding certain things without working for them indicates he may not be capable of keeping his distance with our money.

[Anonymous]

Can SIL help you run your household? Like clean your house in exchange for some money? Run errands? At least when she comes to dinner make her pitch in….a lot, ask her to help move furniture, so there will be too much work for it to be worth it to go to your house. Next time you have to invite her for dinner, call her when she’s on her way and ask for her to pick up a nice bottle of rose, you forgot.

Have a creepy guy at dinner who you obviously want to set her up with. Make dinner at yoir house uncomfortable for her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Can SIL help you run your household? Like clean your house in exchange for some money? Run errands? At least when she comes to dinner make her pitch in….a lot, ask her to help move furniture, so there will be too much work for it to be worth it to go to your house. Next time you have to invite her for dinner, call her when she’s on her way and ask for her to pick up a nice bottle of rose, you forgot.


LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL. The thought of SIL “pulling up her sleeves” to “help” in any situation is laughable. I appreciate the thought.

Have a creepy guy at dinner who you obviously want to set her up with. Make dinner at yoir house uncomfortable for her.

I would not do that to anyone I personally know, but perhaps some creepy guy I find at a mall - I get the gist of what you’re saying.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m not fond of my dead beat SIL but never once has it occurred to me look up and see if she has court judgments against her. It seems odd, like you’re obsessing over her or something and digging up dirt.

Sounds like her life is spiraling and she’s doing her best to keep up appearances; more sad than maddening IMO. I don’t see anything wrong with a birthday lunch as it’s still her birthday and she’s your DH’s sister.

What’s up with the wine? You’re pregnant and not even drinking wine. Do you thinks he has an alcohol problem? Maybe you all could just abstain from serving alcohol at home at family events.

Mainly, what I did with my crazy SIl. Was just to ignore her antics and concentrate on raising my own family. It worked out for the best that way.

…….. well does she?