SIL in her 50’s doesn’t pay her rent

[Anonymous]

Maryland court records show numerous cases against her by her former apartment from 2021-22, and then she got kicked out (which she oddly was vocal about). Now her current apartment, which she hasn’t been in long, also filed a couple of cases against her, so it’s probably only a matter of time. (However, those show that DH’s mother who doesn’t live with her is also on the lease so maybe she will pay).

I normally mind my own business and stay out of it and just watch it from a distance like the spectacle that it is. In any case, right now I’m having a hard time letting it go for a number of reasons, one of which is that I’m PMs’ing. Most recently, last time they came over (they are local), we provided all the food, desserts, drinks, etc., like we always do, while DH’s mother and sister showed up empty-handed like usual. However, when it came time for dinner, we offered numerous drink options like we also do, including red and white wine. Apparently that wasn’t suitable for DH’s sister.

She repeatedly asked for something sparkling. And then when we said we had red and white, she asked for rose. Then sparkling rose. It went on and on. Until I finally said firmly that we had red and white wine, and that’s it.

Now it’s SIL’s birthday, and like usual, DH (meaning the two of us) are treating her and MIL to lunch. Because of course, she should be rewarded for being a spoiled deadbeat.

PMS rant over. For now.

[Anonymous]

Just curious, does SIL have a job?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just curious, does SIL have a job?

From what I can gather, she dog sits.

Also looking at the court records closer, it looks like some of the actions against her are debt collectors, including her landlord trying to collect rent.

It’s a little infuriating that DH pretends like it’s not a thing and treats her out to lunch. Because you know, she should enjoy a nice meal out. Guess she doesn’t know when she’ll get her next one?

But when you see her, her hair, nails, etc. is done. She has a nice Apple Watch with an upgraded armband and a new iphone.

Honestly I stay out of it, but treating my house like a restaurant and us like we were waiters was kind of the last straw for me. I’m no longer pretending I don’t see through it.

[Anonymous]

I don’t see a connection between her financial affairs and your husband taking her out to lunch or her being an overbearing guest when visiting your house. Is she asking to live with you? Is she borrowing money?

I get venting posts and pms making us a bit more critical at times, but I think you are coming off a lot worse as a human being than she is. It sounds like she’s got mental health struggles and you are wrapped up in a cozy blanket drinking wine and judging every aspect of her life.

[Anonymous]

OK? So don’t invite her over or see her. If husband invites her, go out with friends that night. Non-problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OK? So don’t invite her over or see her. If husband invites her, go out with friends that night. Non-problem.

Well, she’s stolen things from our house before, so no.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t see a connection between her financial affairs and your husband taking her out to lunch or her being an overbearing guest when visiting your house. Is she asking to live with you? Is she borrowing money?

I get venting posts and pms making us a bit more critical at times, but I think you are coming off a lot worse as a human being than she is. It sounds like she’s got mental health struggles and you are wrapped up in a cozy blanket drinking wine and judging every aspect of her life.

Well, with a full-time job despite my own mental health struggles, yes, I do sometimes wrap myself up in cozy blankets on the weekends. If I couldn’t pay my rent, I would spend my time figuring out how to do it instead of demanding sparkling rose at other peoples’ homes.

[Anonymous]

weird post, op

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t see a connection between her financial affairs and your husband taking her out to lunch or her being an overbearing guest when visiting your house. Is she asking to live with you? Is she borrowing money?

I get venting posts and pms making us a bit more critical at times, but I think you are coming off a lot worse as a human being than she is. It sounds like she’s got mental health struggles and you are wrapped up in a cozy blanket drinking wine and judging every aspect of her life.

Only a matter of time for deadbeats.

[Anonymous]

You are conflating a lot of things. Her inability to pay rent isn't your problem and doesn't have anything to do with the other issues. If she wants to spend money on a watch and not rent, that's her choice and you don't need to worry about it.

If you are hosting people at your house don't expect them to bring something. But you are totally in the right for saying you only have the beverages offered.

You aren't going to change your SIL, so you either need to change your expectations or change the circumstances (e.g., don't invite her to your house).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are conflating a lot of things. Her inability to pay rent isn't your problem and doesn't have anything to do with the other issues. If she wants to spend money on a watch and not rent, that's her choice and you don't need to worry about it.

If you are hosting people at your house don't expect them to bring something. But you are totally in the right for saying you only have the beverages offered.

You aren't going to change your SIL, so you either need to change your expectations or change the circumstances (e.g., don't invite her to your house).

I don’t. But DH does. And it’s his house as well and he’s willing to put up with their (his sister’s and mother’s) bad behavior. Because according to him, they’re the only family he has.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are conflating a lot of things. Her inability to pay rent isn't your problem and doesn't have anything to do with the other issues. If she wants to spend money on a watch and not rent, that's her choice and you don't need to worry about it.

If you are hosting people at your house don't expect them to bring something. But you are totally in the right for saying you only have the beverages offered.

You aren't going to change your SIL, so you either need to change your expectations or change the circumstances (e.g., don't invite her to your house).

I don’t. But DH does. And it’s his house as well and he’s willing to put up with their (his sister’s and mother’s) bad behavior. Because according to him, they’re the only family he has.

So you hate your husband, his sister, and his mother.

Sounds like a great time!

[Anonymous]

I’m not fond of my dead beat SIL but never once has it occurred to me look up and see if she has court judgments against her. It seems odd, like you’re obsessing over her or something and digging up dirt.

Sounds like her life is spiraling and she’s doing her best to keep up appearances; more sad than maddening IMO. I don’t see anything wrong with a birthday lunch as it’s still her birthday and she’s your DH’s sister.

What’s up with the wine? You’re pregnant and not even drinking wine. Do you thinks he has an alcohol problem? Maybe you all could just abstain from serving alcohol at home at family events.

Mainly, what I did with my crazy SIl. Was just to ignore her antics and concentrate on raising my own family. It worked out for the best that way.

[Anonymous]

Do you have a spare room in your house in case she needs it?

[Anonymous]

Ok, then divorce and be free of all of them, OP.

Sort your own mental health, go out if they are invited to your home and focus on your own agency and responsibilities.