Single parent by choice

[Anonymous]

I think there’s nothing wrong with being a single parent by choice and nothing wrong with parenting (single or partnered) with lots of help if you can manage it — I know a single dad by choice who’s an attorney so he has almost round the clock childcare on call. But he adores his baby and refuses to travel more than one day for work. My single mom by choice friends are similar in that they’ve stepped back from work travel because they want to spend time with their kids. I think it’s odd to want to become a parent but not actually parent and if this person is so driven to become a parent it’s possible they may want to change their professional career to be more accommodating to parenthood once their child is born so they should probably have a backup plan for that too. Personally I don’t think I would feel comfortable with a hired nanny for multiple overnights; I’d only be willing to do that if there was a sibling or other family member who effectively wanted to coparent with me. But that might be my lower class roots showing — nannies are alien to my experience.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Each child deserves 2 parents. I k so it always doesn't work out but I think thats the right intention to have.

Two is not a magic number. It’s the village you build that matters.

Clearly OP hasn't read the relationship thread with all the weaponized incompetent men or women who have to do everything becuase their DH's don't do it right.

[Anonymous]

Most husbands are clueless, don't help much anyways
Society tells us to have kids even tho we don't really want it, just to make happy some people

We see so many azoles, war mongers in this world and not much empathetic people

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What’s your plan for providing positive male role models? Kids of both genders needs role models in their lives. We are a 2 mom family and did a lot of research on this before adopting. Wd are lucky to have a strong family support network of people who love our child. Our child’s Godparent is still her strongest male role model too.

Well before she's even pregnant she should plan for that because world is all women and if you don't source the men now you won't have them when your child is 3 or 13.

You are not a lesbian - trust me. No lesbian talks about their plans to make sure "both gender role models are in their kids lives."

Isolationist lesbians who never trust men would not say this. And regular lesbians already have guy friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Unless you have a strong local family support network no imo.
There’s no guarantee how long a Nanny will stay with you. So you will be working long hours and presumably want some sort of social life even if it’s limited. Then the primary caregiver can be gone in a matter of days and you need a new one. How long will that one last before you need another……
I am not a single parent bif my spouse works evenings 4-midnight. The monotony of solo parenting every single night is exhausting. I love my kid but it’s mentally draining.

Solo parenting - so you make all the choices for your kids - what to name them, where they get their clothes, which doctor and when, all the vacations, what to do when they are out of school and you pay for everything on your own with your salary?

Your children are up until midnight? They have no bedtime?

You need a social life you get a babysitter. You need a social life you have your friends come over. You need a social life you go on a vacation with your friends and your kid. You need a social life you call a friend while the baby sleeps. This is NOT hard if you need interaction outside of kid and work. Limited yes, but not impossible and not something someone needs to be hyper about without even being pregnant.

[Anonymous]

Yes! Can be a great life! That will be your family and it will be fine.

My sister loves solo parenting - what she hates is dealing with her awful ex. You can skip that part!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If someone is going to actually "outsource child raising". If they are going to raise their child, with the support of a live in nanny to provide coverage when they work, that's totally fine.

Their work demands long hours and global travel for their public health research projects.

Then…no. Most spbc I know step back from work in one way or another. You can’t outsource a child. It’s cruel.

Yeah, I don't get it. Why have a child then if you don't want to actually parent?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If someone is going to actually "outsource child raising". If they are going to raise their child, with the support of a live in nanny to provide coverage when they work, that's totally fine.

Their work demands long hours and global travel for their public health research projects.

When would you spend time with the child? Why have a child. You’re going to go through IVF and a surrogate so your nanny can raise your child 100% while you work? That’s the plan. People (selfishly in my opinion) do this all the time but *usually* there is more balance if there is a spouse - even if both travel. The child will bond to the nanny. If you’re gone all the time the nanny is going to be their person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Each child deserves 2 parents. I k so it always doesn't work out but I think thats the right intention to have.

Two is not a magic number. It’s the village you build that matters.

If you're constantly working and traveling, you haven't had time to build a village. Other people aren't going to suddenly appear to raise your child for you.

[Anonymous]

Yes. I did it and now she’s 14 and we have had a tremendous time! It’s FUN! it’s been a ton of work and I’ve hired a LOT of help and enlisted precious few friends and family. It’s wonderful!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If someone is going to actually "outsource child raising". If they are going to raise their child, with the support of a live in nanny to provide coverage when they work, that's totally fine.

Their work demands long hours and global travel for their public health research projects.

When would you spend time with the child? Why have a child. You’re going to go through IVF and a surrogate so your nanny can raise your child 100% while you work? That’s the plan. People (selfishly in my opinion) do this all the time but *usually* there is more balance if there is a spouse - even if both travel. The child will bond to the nanny. If you’re gone all the time the nanny is going to be their person.

You shouldn't purposely have a child if you are not all in with parenting. The term outsource child rearing shouldn't be in your vocabulary. Outsource house chores but you shouldnt outsource child rearing. Your career will need to go to the back burner. I'm not saying be a sahm but you have to mostly prioritize your child. The reality is people have to work to earn a living but if your prioority isnt your child and this is an intentional decision why do that? Your village can help, your nanny should help but if your child is spending more than 50% of their time with a non related nanny why have a kids?

Why don't you consider mentoring OP? It's a great opportunity and you will make a difference.

[Anonymous]

Agree with the above. Plus you are only 35. You can find someone in the next 5 years! To bring a child into the world alone while they always feel they are second fiddle is not right. It’s BS to think that “quality time” is enough. The nanny won’t love them as much as you do and this is who they will be spending most of the time with. Do you have close family in the area? What if they have a developmental delay or have special needs? Plus, not to mention all the studies that site the benefit of 2 parents families.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Take your kid and the nanny with you around the world, like the rock stars do.

If it's affordable, yes... go for it. Plan for a tutor later.

[Anonymous]

I think one of the hallmarks of a good parent is someone who knows that you have to put the child first sometimes, and yourself first sometimes.

If this person wants to continue their life as a single person, focused on their career, totally outsourcing child care, then I would definitely question why they want a child at all.

[Anonymous]

They had to rehome a dog hence the hesitation. My suggestion was to foster and test their parenting capabilities.