Single parent by choice

[Anonymous]

Is it fair to the baby if a 35 year old busy single physician who wants a child and can afford to outsource child raising, hires a surrogate and a live in nanny to fulfill this wish?

They are tired of dating and traumatized by seeing marriages go sour and dissolve. May decide to go back to dating or marriage in future or may not. Baby will always be taken care of.

[Anonymous]

Yes, it's fair.

I've had several female friends do this, and one male one (he's super rich and got tired of women wanting to marry him for his money and decided to skip the marriage part altogether).

[Anonymous]

Yes. And she shouldn’t hesitate.

35 is not old and she should do it in a heartbeat.

Lots of SMCs out there

[Anonymous]

It depends. Is there going to be a support network? You need to have plans for what happens if something happens.

[Anonymous]

Yes.

And do also make sure there is a well documented legal plan for someone whom one trusts to take care of the child if one develops an unexpected issue and is unable to care for the child any longer. That probably means a will which clearly says who gets custody of the child and under which circumstances. The backup guardian could be a reliable sibling or a reliable friend who is both willing and able. Do not leave this issue to the usual government processes, as the government foster care system has too many challenges and not enough successes.

[Anonymous]

If someone is going to actually "outsource child raising". If they are going to raise their child, with the support of a live in nanny to provide coverage when they work, that's totally fine.

[Anonymous]

I know a handful of SMBC families and the kids are exceptionally well taken care of and loved. The moms seem completely exhausted, but they went into it expecting that and I know moms who didn't expect to be single parents who are just as exhausted so it's not exactly unique.

[Anonymous]

I adopted my child as an SMC at 41. My best friend -- and her family -- were /are my "back-up plan" (guardians). I know several SMCs who are teachers like me.

[Anonymous]

Did you freeze your eggs? Both of my physician friends I'm your same position found a person they loved by 43 and had children with those eggs. One has 2 kids and is having #4 and 5 via surrogate due to medical complications.

[Anonymous]

Yes it's fair and you have more of a plan than at least half of all parents....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If someone is going to actually "outsource child raising". If they are going to raise their child, with the support of a live in nanny to provide coverage when they work, that's totally fine.

Their work demands long hours and global travel for their public health research projects.

[Anonymous]

Why do you guys assume it’s a woman?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If someone is going to actually "outsource child raising". If they are going to raise their child, with the support of a live in nanny to provide coverage when they work, that's totally fine.

Their work demands long hours and global travel for their public health research projects.

Then…no. Most spbc I know step back from work in one way or another. You can’t outsource a child. It’s cruel.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why do you guys assume it’s a woman?

A man would know better?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Did you freeze your eggs? Both of my physician friends I'm your same position found a person they loved by 43 and had children with those eggs. One has 2 kids and is having #4 and 5 via surrogate due to medical complications.

What happened to number 3??