kid just failed out of college, now what? and what does future look like?

[Anonymous]

She still has time to reset and her future is not set. Get her help and medication for ADHD and depression. Talk about moving her closer to home, get her enrolled in community college with a plan to transfer to a 4 year college. College is a difficult time and a LOT of teens don't handle the transition and new found responsibilities well. Bumps in the road is completely normal, some bumps will be bigger than others, but her future is still wide, wide open.

[Anonymous]

If they are on your payroll and in your house, ask them to pay for this privilege by seeing a therapist, enrolling into a local community college and getting a job.

[Anonymous]

I know a girl with severe ADHD who had a similarly tough time in college. She dropped out and became a flight attendant.

[Anonymous]

Does everyone’s kid have ADHD, depression and/or anxiety?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Does everyone’s kid have ADHD, depression and/or anxiety?

Seems like it. At least in DCUM-land.

If you go elsewhere in the country you will see that young adults MUST figure out a way to launch as their families simply do not have the resources to support them. In fact, many of them MUST work in order for the family to meet basic expenses. And this is begins in high school when they first are able to work legally! If they go out on their own, they have to fully-support themselves and usually get roommates. They figure out how to get along.

Depressed because your BF/GF broke up with you? Anxious because there is a bully at your fast-food job? Tough. If you don't work, the family/you can't pay the electric bill or put gas in the tank. Get up, get out and get to work.

There is a whole different world outside DVM.

[Anonymous]

^OP, consider this ... what would you do if you could not afford to support your DD? What would she do?

[Anonymous]

My brother failed out of Duke, he came home and did odd jobs for a year this was 50 years ago so he really needed counseling. He ended up doing college part time and working. Got a degree at 27 in psychology, went to law school and was a lawyer until he retired.

My son (2020 graduate ) failed out of college 2 years ago. He stayed home for a semester, took 2 community college classes and worked a job for structure (caddy) and did counseling 1x a week June-December. Returned to college for Spring, took 4 classes. He will continue taking 4 classes a semester until he graduates. He will graduate 1 - 1.5 years late. He did take some school meet classes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She still has time to reset and her future is not set. Get her help and medication for ADHD and depression. Talk about moving her closer to home, get her enrolled in community college with a plan to transfer to a 4 year college. College is a difficult time and a LOT of teens don't handle the transition and new found responsibilities well. Bumps in the road is completely normal, some bumps will be bigger than others, but her future is still wide, wide open.

This nicer than what I wrote but this op it happens now fix it

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My brother failed out of Duke, he came home and did odd jobs for a year this was 50 years ago so he really needed counseling. He ended up doing college part time and working. Got a degree at 27 in psychology, went to law school and was a lawyer until he retired.

My son (2020 graduate ) failed out of college 2 years ago. He stayed home for a semester, took 2 community college classes and worked a job for structure (caddy) and did counseling 1x a week June-December. Returned to college for Spring, took 4 classes. He will continue taking 4 classes a semester until he graduates. He will graduate 1 - 1.5 years late. He did take some school meet classes.

You had amazing parents

This op works 50 years later as well

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does everyone’s kid have ADHD, depression and/or anxiety?

Seems like it. At least in DCUM-land.

If you go elsewhere in the country you will see that young adults MUST figure out a way to launch as their families simply do not have the resources to support them. In fact, many of them MUST work in order for the family to meet basic expenses. And this is begins in high school when they first are able to work legally! If they go out on their own, they have to fully-support themselves and usually get roommates. They figure out how to get along.

Depressed because your BF/GF broke up with you? Anxious because there is a bully at your fast-food job? Tough. If you don't work, the family/you can't pay the electric bill or put gas in the tank. Get up, get out and get to work.

There is a whole different world outside DVM.

This is absurd every state wealthy or upper middle class suburban areas parents are ridiculous it’s no5 just here

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does everyone’s kid have ADHD, depression and/or anxiety?

Seems like it. At least in DCUM-land.

If you go elsewhere in the country you will see that young adults MUST figure out a way to launch as their families simply do not have the resources to support them. In fact, many of them MUST work in order for the family to meet basic expenses. And this is begins in high school when they first are able to work legally! If they go out on their own, they have to fully-support themselves and usually get roommates. They figure out how to get along.

Depressed because your BF/GF broke up with you? Anxious because there is a bully at your fast-food job? Tough. If you don't work, the family/you can't pay the electric bill or put gas in the tank. Get up, get out and get to work.

There is a whole different world outside DVM.

It’s true I have family “outside the DMV” … they figure it out. Often they move here and live in our basement and work construction and send money home, they live off unemployment, they work at the local jail, they are assistants at a nearby nursing home.

They can’t replace teeth they lose, they never really fixed that broken elbow and “figure out” how to do things with a non fully functioning arm.

They do oxy and meth. And steal copper off job site which is why they lose their construction job. Only a few thankfully.

It’s not a great life. The next generation who are now coming up are getting help, leaving their ridiculous situation, going to colleges DMV kids would never even consider.

It’s not pretty out there “figuring it out”.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a high school senior with ADHD and depression, who wants to go to college to have a social life, and I worry so much this will be her.

I'm so sorry OP, for the worry this is causing you.

I've been running scenarios in my mind, and who knows maybe my kid will keep it together. Do you bring her home give her no money and have her work? Enroll in community college?

I don't know. I wish you good luck.

OP here- I'm convinced she would have failed no matter what, but in hindsight, I would have (or next time will):
- had her waive all FERPA rights and give us full access to her grades, etc. that way I could have seen real-time when she started falling off a cliff, so we could intervene.
- got her set up with a tutor/Exec Function coach there who helped her stay on track weekly, complete assignments, etc
- watched her location and called her to tell her to get her as* to class when she was still in her dorm room
Although I now know she's never going to mature until she takes accountability and responsibility.

Lol. I didn't fail out but was on academic probation when I left school. Since you don't live together well, help her get a job and set up with roommates. Let her take the lead, and always mention college as something that is in reach. She did not totally screw up her life, and she needs to develop skills to manage her life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Does everyone’s kid have ADHD, depression and/or anxiety?

It hereditary.

I mean people with ADHD are much more interesting than those without so they will procreate more so clearly the numbers are rising

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does everyone’s kid have ADHD, depression and/or anxiety?

Seems like it. At least in DCUM-land.

If you go elsewhere in the country you will see that young adults MUST figure out a way to launch as their families simply do not have the resources to support them. In fact, many of them MUST work in order for the family to meet basic expenses. And this is begins in high school when they first are able to work legally! If they go out on their own, they have to fully-support themselves and usually get roommates. They figure out how to get along.

Depressed because your BF/GF broke up with you? Anxious because there is a bully at your fast-food job? Tough. If you don't work, the family/you can't pay the electric bill or put gas in the tank. Get up, get out and get to work.

There is a whole different world outside DVM.

I think you’re kind of condescending and don’t really grasp the issue of mental health issues. But you do have a point. Unless you intend to support your child forever and you have someone behind you to pick up when you die, you need to get your kid to this point. Many of us, but not all, are fortunate to have resources to help our kids move on. But it’s important to never lose sight of the goal of independence.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Get her medical help to address the depression and ADHD. Community college and a job. If you feel so inclined, have her pay a nominal amount in rent that you give back to her when she launches. You know your kid better than us, will tough love or some handholding work better?

Know someone in this position and what PP said worked, except he lived at home. Manual labor type job to get a schedule and stick to it and see the future without college. Community college classes to keep some academic focus. He was also depressed and needed therapy and time to work that out before returning to college.