How cruel is parents not paying for oldest children's college, yet paying for the youngest?

[Anonymous]

My husband's parents paid for his sister's college but not his for reasons that are unclear. She is a spoiled princess and he is the forgotten one.
My parents paid for my sister's college but not mine as I got a full ride. My father celebrated my full ride by buying himself a car.

[Anonymous]

My parents did this. They also bought my siblings cars and homes. I paid for my own college, grad school, car, wedding, home, etc.

I am 100% positive when my mother dies she’s leaving everything to them too. I probably won’t get anything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My parents did this. They also bought my siblings cars and homes. I paid for my own college, grad school, car, wedding, home, etc.

I am 100% positive when my mother dies she’s leaving everything to them too. I probably won’t get anything.

There is some giant piece of information that you are not sharing. Not saying you need to share with all of us, but there's a back story.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My parents did this. They also bought my siblings cars and homes. I paid for my own college, grad school, car, wedding, home, etc.

I am 100% positive when my mother dies she’s leaving everything to them too. I probably won’t get anything.

There is some giant piece of information that you are not sharing. Not saying you need to share with all of us, but there's a back story.

If you say so but I don’t know any. My mother bought my brother another car last week (because he totaled his other one). My siblings are dependent on my mother. They’re 45 and 40. Wish I had some exciting story to share.

[Anonymous]

Yes I know somebody like this. Military parents told her they wanted her to do ROTC, which she did, and spent several years in the military after college. When her younger siblings went to college, they suddenly changed their policy and decided to fully fund their degrees. 20 years later she has a very strained relationship with her family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So then if you couldn’t do something for one of your kids you shouldn’t do it for any? I’m not in this boat because my older kids did not go to college. But frankly, if we were so inclined, we could do much more for our youngest than we would have been able for our older kids due to having a paid off mortgage and no longer having to pay high medical bills for one of our kids and higher incomes.

Also I was in this situation sort of. My father died when I was young and my mom had to choose which kids to support because she couldn’t support all of us. I was the one she choose not to support. It must have sucked to be her and have to choose. No resentment here.

You can do whatever you want. But there will be blowback and consequences because the slighted person will feel hurt by the injustice and may respond in ways you don't like.

It's great that you hold no resentment. Many people understandably would.

Meh, your parents are not oppressing you so leave out the injustice talk. I had to pay for my [in state] college - immigrant parents, minimum wage jobs that didn't leave a dime to spare, and then my much younger brother got his paid for, because by that time our parents moved on to union jobs and had some money in the bank. Such is life, you can't equalize everything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband's parents paid for his sister's college but not his for reasons that are unclear. She is a spoiled princess and he is the forgotten one.
My parents paid for my sister's college but not mine as I got a full ride. My father celebrated my full ride by buying himself a car.

LOL

[Anonymous]

People, parents not paying for one of their kids college because that kid got a scholarship is not the same thing at all as not paying and requiring that kid to get loans, work, etc while later paying the bills for a younger sibling to go to college.

Not even remotely close. And posters who post this know that. Stop.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It looks bad, but perhaps there is a financial change you don't know about. We haven't changed our visible habits, still live in the same tiny house and drive the same cars, but we're much wealthier than we used to be, and can afford to pay for any university for our two kids. Couldn't have done that 10 years ago.

+1. This is a good point

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:People, parents not paying for one of their kids college because that kid got a scholarship is not the same thing at all as not paying and requiring that kid to get loans, work, etc while later paying the bills for a younger sibling to go to college.

Not even remotely close. And posters who post this know that. Stop.

Agree that if you have a scholarship, parents don't need to pay, so what are people fussing about in that situation?

I don't agree that there is always a sensible justifiable backstory to peoples family members being treated differently. Sometimes there is just a favourite/victim/golden child/perceived underdog/allowably lazy/somehow special (insert whatever the deal is) sibling that doesn't have the same standards the parents have for the others.

[Anonymous]

My siblings got to go the the college of their choice but I had to go to the college where I got a full scholarship which I had never visited until I showed up freshman year. It was a very long time ago but it still eats at me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It looks bad, but perhaps there is a financial change you don't know about. We haven't changed our visible habits, still live in the same tiny house and drive the same cars, but we're much wealthier than we used to be, and can afford to pay for any university for our two kids. Couldn't have done that 10 years ago.

+1. This is a good point

[Anonymous]

They baby is from a second marriage or opposite gender of the other two?

[Anonymous]

You are all a bunch of whiners, telling only half the story

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband's parents paid for his sister's college but not his for reasons that are unclear. She is a spoiled princess and he is the forgotten one.
My parents paid for my sister's college but not mine as I got a full ride. My father celebrated my full ride by buying himself a car.

Perhaps he felt that his support of you in high school is what enabled you to get the full ride. What was your full ride based on? Grades alone? Grades +SAT/ACT score? Athletics/Music?