I love him but don’t like him. Feeling stuck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I mean, you’ve lived there for a year so you should really have figured out the parking situation by now. It’s your car so it’s your responsibility.

That said, this sounds like a terrible match and will only get worse if and when you actually are “stuck.” Right now you don’t even have a lease agreement tying you to him. Time to break up.

How is my fault that he just did it for me? I didn’t ask for him to move car for me, he just always did. Even today I didn’t ask him to come out to move it. Either way, that’s besides the point . It’s not about the car it’s about how he handled it. If he was tired of doing that for me then he could and should have just said it. I have never once asked him to that for me he would always say, even we were dating, “where are you car keys? I’m going to move your car”. He’s an adult he could have just told me in a calm, respectful way that he didn’t want to do it anymore instead of telling wtf at me and in the middle of the side walk.

I think he sounds rude especially laughing at you for being unemployed, but your story is about you literally asking him to come downstairs and do it for you while you were already in your car. So, no, you can't say you've never once asked him to do it. You should have figured parking out by now, he should certainly know how to open a zip file, and you need to get a job that gets you out of the house. Apply out in Tyson's or something if you're trying to force a move, since you're apparently staying in this contentious relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I love him very much but I genuinely don’t like him. He’s from the city, I’m not. He had a condo in DC before we met and I moved into his place after we got engaged; this was a little over a year ago. I didn’t change my plates because we decided we’d move to VA for more space, so because of this I have to move my car every few days. Usually he moves it for me but today I did it and couldn’t find parking so I called him to ask where I could park (the zoning is confusing to me). He decided to come out and move it for me so I went around the block to circle back to the front of the house. I didn’t see that he was on the corner and drove past him - I was only about 30 feet in front of him. Well, this apparently really pissed him off because I heard him yell, “What the f*** man?!?”. I asked if that was to me and he said yes because I drove right past him. I told him it wasn’t a huge deal, calm down, and to stop yelling. He said it was a huge deal because I was “wasting his time” and that helping me is “ridiculous” because I should know where to park, even though as I said he usually parks my car. I told him I didn’t want him helping me if he was going to continue to act this way over something small - he got out of the car.

After parking my car I went back inside and I told him how it made me feel and all the times I help him with simple things I don’t complain or make him feel bad about it because you’re supposed to rely on your partner for things, even the little things. I brought up how he’s been working for DHS for 10 years and still asks me to help open up zip files because he doesn’t know how. He responded and said, “At least I have a job. At least I have a folder for work that I can open”. Our team got laid off a few months so I’ve been out of work. He started laughing after he said that and said I shouldn’t have said anything about his job, even though I didn’t say a word about his job but about how I help him repeatedly with a minor task and don’t get worked up about it.

More stuff happened and more things were said after this but you all get the point. He left to go to the gym after this and I’m sitting here thinking just how much I genuinely don’t like him anymore. I’m sure he doesn’t like me either because of he talks to me; I was incredibly sick a few months ago with Covid and he started yelling at me because he asked me to move s blanket to a couch and I didn’t. I know I still love him but I don’t know what to do. Part of me wants to leave him the other part me knows that I’d be sad and don’t want him with anyone else. 100% of me knows that one way or the other our relationship can’t continue the way it is. Rather we get couples therapy or go separate ways I don’t know what’s best or if therapy is even worth it. I’m just genuinely confused right now.

Lol gross and sad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I didn’t read the whole thing so I assume the fiancé is a monster.

But you are also a monster because not changing your plates because of a hypothetical future move and then having to move your car constantly is madness and would be grounds for divorce to me if my spouse did it, especially if I was expected to be involved in moving the car in any way.

I didn’t expect. I didn’t ask. He would ask for my keys and did it for me because I would drive hours to come see him, as I said in the OP I’m not from the city. I moved in once we got engaged last year and he continued to move my car. It costs thousand to register plate in the city and we both decided to save the money for our house and wedding since we didn’t plan on living in the city much longer.

It costs $72.

No. He just bought his parent’s car and they live out of state. It cost him 2k to transfer his car.

So it's not even your car, it's his car. You live in his home, can't park his car that he loaned you to drive, don't bring anything to the table, and at the same time complaint. Seems like he's fed up with it and being constant daddy for you

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Learn how to do basic things in life, like read parking signs and change your registration. Also, for both your sakes, break up. You two are incompatible and have a bad pattern of helplessness and resentfulness that will eat away at your relationship.

The boyfriend set the precedent by moving the car for years. If he doesn’t like doing it anymore then he can use his words. This isn’t a helplessness issue. This a core meanness issue as a PP said. Every Sunday I wash my husband’s hair for him. Every other Sunday I wash and trim it. My husband can wash his own hair, I know this but I like doing it for him and I’ve been doing it for six years. If one day I’m tired of it I will tell him so. I’m not going to yell at him. That’s not how you talk to the person you love. If it wasn’t about moving a car he would’ve yelled at OP about something else like the blanket when she was sick. This a core meanness issue and he will be like this with any partner.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I didn’t read the whole thing so I assume the fiancé is a monster.

But you are also a monster because not changing your plates because of a hypothetical future move and then having to move your car constantly is madness and would be grounds for divorce to me if my spouse did it, especially if I was expected to be involved in moving the car in any way.

I didn’t expect. I didn’t ask. He would ask for my keys and did it for me because I would drive hours to come see him, as I said in the OP I’m not from the city. I moved in once we got engaged last year and he continued to move my car. It costs thousand to register plate in the city and we both decided to save the money for our house and wedding since we didn’t plan on living in the city much longer.

It costs $72.

No. He just bought his parent’s car and they live out of state. It cost him 2k to transfer his car.

It costs more when you transfer ownership. Seriously here, you’re an adult. Go find out exactly how much it will cost to change your registration. You’re not a helpless little puppy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I didn’t read the whole thing so I assume the fiancé is a monster.

But you are also a monster because not changing your plates because of a hypothetical future move and then having to move your car constantly is madness and would be grounds for divorce to me if my spouse did it, especially if I was expected to be involved in moving the car in any way.

I didn’t expect. I didn’t ask. He would ask for my keys and did it for me because I would drive hours to come see him, as I said in the OP I’m not from the city. I moved in once we got engaged last year and he continued to move my car. It costs thousand to register plate in the city and we both decided to save the money for our house and wedding since we didn’t plan on living in the city much longer.

It costs $72.

No. He just bought his parent’s car and they live out of state. It cost him 2k to transfer his car.

So it's not even your car, it's his car. You live in his home, can't park his car that he loaned you to drive, don't bring anything to the table, and at the same time complaint. Seems like he's fed up with it and being constant daddy for you

Huh? He has his own car and I have my own car….

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you have to convince yourself NOT to leave him, then you already have your answer. He sounds like a simply difficult, selfish person. Time to go

+1

[Anonymous]

OP I’m going to say this a plainly as possible, this guy sucks. He’s mean and selfish and that will never change. The stress of life will make things harder for couples so that means he’s only going to get meaner. Get out now. He sounds emotionally abusive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Learn how to do basic things in life, like read parking signs and change your registration. Also, for both your sakes, break up. You two are incompatible and have a bad pattern of helplessness and resentfulness that will eat away at your relationship.

+1

You are helpless, and he is frustrated with your lack of common sense, OP. You need to find someone MUCH more patient.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You bringing up stuff tit for tat is extremely poor taste. Are you contributing any rent? You don't work but wont even move your own car?

If you don't like him just leave. You have no job, so nothing tying to the area. Not wanting him to be with someone else is not a reason to stay. You sound codependent and needy.

They both also sound very immature and need to grow up. She’s not working and doesn’t have the time to figure out where to park her car? Give me a break.

[Anonymous]

The relationship isn’t sustainable. Not if you want to live without this conflict. Face the fact that you don’t like each other and move on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Learn how to do basic things in life, like read parking signs and change your registration. Also, for both your sakes, break up. You two are incompatible and have a bad pattern of helplessness and resentfulness that will eat away at your relationship.

+1

You are helpless, and he is frustrated with your lack of common sense, OP. You need to find someone MUCH more patient.

He’s frustrated with her lack of common sense but can’t open a zip file? Please. Are you going to justify him yelling at her while sick too because of a blanket?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Learn how to do basic things in life, like read parking signs and change your registration. Also, for both your sakes, break up. You two are incompatible and have a bad pattern of helplessness and resentfulness that will eat away at your relationship.

+1

You are helpless, and he is frustrated with your lack of common sense, OP. You need to find someone MUCH more patient.

He’s frustrated with her lack of common sense but can’t open a zip file? Please. Are you going to justify him yelling at her while sick too because of a blanket?

PP, if he’s yelling at her while sick, cursing and yelling at her in public and these are just two examples that we know of, how awful is this guy? I bet my life that he’s been yelling and berating at this poor girl for years over minor things. Am I right, OP? He’s emotionally abusive but yes, the moving the car is an issue.

[Anonymous]

Never marry a mean person. It will ruin your life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Learn how to do basic things in life, like read parking signs and change your registration. Also, for both your sakes, break up. You two are incompatible and have a bad pattern of helplessness and resentfulness that will eat away at your relationship.

+1

You are helpless, and he is frustrated with your lack of common sense, OP. You need to find someone MUCH more patient.

He’s frustrated with her lack of common sense but can’t open a zip file? Please. Are you going to justify him yelling at her while sick too because of a blanket?

PP, if he’s yelling at her while sick, cursing and yelling at her in public and these are just two examples that we know of, how awful is this guy? I bet my life that he’s been yelling and berating at this poor girl for years over minor things. Am I right, OP? He’s emotionally abusive but yes, the moving the car is an issue.

Yes, you’re right. Didn’t see the point in adding more than just what happened today. A few months ago I couldn’t sleep and didn’t want to wake him up by watching tv (live in a small condo and it was 2am) so I went outside to go sit on the steps thinking the fresh air would help me relax a bit. About 10 minutes later he called me and said he was “sick of this sh*t” and to pack my things and get out.