Kid treated my boyfriend like crap

[Anonymous]

Totally normal and natural. He doesn’t want to hang out with some random guy. He wants his father. He just can’t verbalize this well because he’s young. The person at fault is you for creating this mess.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That it went on "all night" and you either did nothing or it was not effective does not indicate good parenting. Maybe start there before you try to have a boyfriend.

+1. Sounds like OP has been spending too much time with the BF at the expense of her child.

[Anonymous]

Your kid: Mommy has a new friend that she likes a lot. Maybe more than me. Does she love me anymore?
This is what you're dealing with, OP.

[Anonymous]

Most likely, your son perceived your “friend” as an intruder and rightly expressed his feelings. Pay close attention.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How long have you been dating?
How did you talk about this with your son prior to the meeting?

We’ve been dating for almost two years. I told him that a friend would like come with us to the playground and asked if he was up for it. He said yes. We spent about an hour at the playground and it was a complete disaster!

This was a terrible way to handle it as others have said.

Candidly, and I mean this in the nicest way possible, you seem to prioritize your love life over your son. 7 year olds aren’t idiots and you treated him like an idiot with this “friend” charade.

Next time maybe tell your son you want him to meet someone that is special to you, he needs to be respectful and kind - and go to brunch or something. A playground? You basically invaded your sons space with your sexual relationship. Go somewhere neutral if you’re going to disclose that for 2 years you’ve been getting plowed by someone who’s not his dad and BTW because now you’re taking this big step, this kid is about to have a new daddy that he seems to have equal say in as his original dad.

Why are you even doing this though? It doesn’t seem like you have a good grasp of this stuff if you’re trying to set up some weird rom-com scenario at the playground. Your relationship with your child is a priority and the undertones from your posts are you’re concerned about losing this guy not that you f’ed things up with your son.

OP read this. And then read it again and again and again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In front of you?

My boyfriends teenage sons are fairly polite and civil to me in front of him.

They are much less nice to me when he is around.

Which feels very….manipulative.

I haven’t decided yet if it’s a deal breaker

They won’t ever accept you if that is what you want. You need to decide if that’s something you can deal with.

[Anonymous]

I can’t tell if OP is closer to a vapid ditzy boy crazed high schooler in an adults body or a cartoonish Disney villain who wants to banish her son to a tower so she can have her fun without his interference.

Either way, the playground “friend” bait and switch was nuts. You have work to do.

[Anonymous]

I am also dismayed at OP’s post and question. She is asking for “stories of bad meetups that improved to good relationships.”

Are you kidding, OP? You believe that other people’s happy ending “stories” are going to help you here?

I agree with the PP who implied that you’ve been watching too many Hallmark movies.

Grow up. You’re a mother with a precious 7 YO boy who needs your attention. He’s obviously already lost a lot. Your love life is not his concern.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Uhhhhmmmm. He's seven. He's either a little monster (in which case you'd have seen this before) or he is genius/picking up on something he doesn't like (dump the guy), or he's a normal kid who senses this guy will compete for his attention/affection- in which case- he is not ready to know you are dating/meet any of your boyfriends.

+1

[Anonymous]

Why did springing this on the kid right as school is starting seem like good timing, OP?

Has this man proposed to you? Do you intend to live with him soon?

[Anonymous]

I’m a PP and these responses, mine included, might seem a bit savage.

But OP, take this as a sign that you need to recalibrate.

Wow. I just can’t get over it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In front of you?

My boyfriends teenage sons are fairly polite and civil to me in front of him.

They are much less nice to me when he is around.

Which feels very….manipulative.

I haven’t decided yet if it’s a deal breaker

Oh big typo sorry

They are much LESS nice to me when he IS T around. Curt one word answer, unpleasant facial expressions. Nothing solid I can report to my boyfriend but just a very unfriendly vibe.

I did not meet my boyfriend until two years after the divorce so no I am not the AP

ugh, you remind me of my evil stepmother. also fixated on teens being “too quiet” and things we couldn’t help like facial expressions. teens are teens, not a service employee that you expect to be constantly smiling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In front of you?

My boyfriends teenage sons are fairly polite and civil to me in front of him.

They are much less nice to me when he is around.

Which feels very….manipulative.

I haven’t decided yet if it’s a deal breaker

Oh big typo sorry

They are much LESS nice to me when he IS T around. Curt one word answer, unpleasant facial expressions. Nothing solid I can report to my boyfriend but just a very unfriendly vibe.

I did not meet my boyfriend until two years after the divorce so no I am not the AP

Curt one word answers sounds like how teens treat their actual parents.

Unpleasant facial expressions? From immature teenage boys? Report it to Guinness Book!

Well yeah. But it’s kinda weird that they know to be nicer to me when their dad is around, but when he is not around, they are rude to me. I mean I guess that’s a good sign he’s told the, or they know they have to be polite in front of their dad. But it feels weird to have them be ok when dad is around and rude when he isn’t.

they aren’t being rude - they are being teens. they are making an extra effort around their dad - possibly because they are more comfortable with him around, and possibly because HE is better at communicating with them. you’re the grown-up, it’s your job to draw them out (famously difficult for all teen boys) and to be tolerant. but yeah, go ahead and complain to their dad about their “facial expressions.” that’s a really promising move and I’m SURE that lecturing the boys that they need to plaster fake smiles on their faces is going to be a GREAT step in your relationship with them.

[Anonymous]

A 7 year old behaved immaturely? Wow this is unprecedented. Better send him to military boarding school until he shapes up.

Your boyfriend was probably completely destroyed by what the 7 year old said, too. Uncertain if he will ever recover.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In front of you?

My boyfriends teenage sons are fairly polite and civil to me in front of him.

They are much less nice to me when he is around.

Which feels very….manipulative.

I haven’t decided yet if it’s a deal breaker

Oh big typo sorry

They are much LESS nice to me when he IS T around. Curt one word answer, unpleasant facial expressions. Nothing solid I can report to my boyfriend but just a very unfriendly vibe.

I did not meet my boyfriend until two years after the divorce so no I am not the AP

Why do you even need to be around them when your boyfriend isn’t there? They are allowed to not like you.

They don’t need to like me, but they do need to be civil and polite to me, as I am to them. I’m not alone with them for long stretches. I’m talking like, we are sitting at dinner and dad goes inside to get something and their attitude completely changes for the few minutes thwt he is gone,