Husband gets angry when I’m sad

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. I was bawling my eyes out in the car and he did not even take my hand. He kept saying I should be thankful to have Ivf as an option and life isn’t fair and I have a mental problem and I’m making myself miserable,

Either you are not telling us the whole story or you should get a divorce. No one says you have a mental problem for crying over infertility. If he were that crazy you'd have a million other examples.

My bet is you are picking and choosing what to share with us.

If I am wrong, my apologies, and you are married to a crazy person.

This is OP. I have been sad about not having children for a few years now and we have had heated arguments as we delayed TTC as he was not ready financially/emotionally for a few years. The ongoing fertility struggles have made me feel bitter and angry.

I bet when you wanted to try he said "we can just have kids later" and now that you can't, he says "we can just do IVF" and will be just as unsupportive when problems arise with that. Do you really want to be with this man?

Op here. I’m just so aghast because I never mislead him about wanting children. I was a nanny when we met!!! All I talked about was children!! He thought it was so cute! And then we got married and he said we were not in a position to have children and we wait. I don’t want to force a man to have children so I waited. Now we have been TTC for a year and my friends are all on their second babies and our younger siblings are having their firsts.

Everyone is having a a baby a few months after their wedding. My head spins as that’s what I deeply craved and was denied! And I stayed!! And I can’t stop bawling. And he is disregarding my feelings now just as he did back then.

[Anonymous]

Wow OP sams situation. Doing second round of IVF. It doesn't get much better sadly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. I was bawling my eyes out in the car and he did not even take my hand. He kept saying I should be thankful to have Ivf as an option and life isn’t fair and I have a mental problem and I’m making myself miserable,

Either you are not telling us the whole story or you should get a divorce. No one says you have a mental problem for crying over infertility. If he were that crazy you'd have a million other examples.

My bet is you are picking and choosing what to share with us.

If I am wrong, my apologies, and you are married to a crazy person.

This is OP. I have been sad about not having children for a few years now and we have had heated arguments as we delayed TTC as he was not ready financially/emotionally for a few years. The ongoing fertility struggles have made me feel bitter and angry.

I bet when you wanted to try he said "we can just have kids later" and now that you can't, he says "we can just do IVF" and will be just as unsupportive when problems arise with that. Do you really want to be with this man?

Op here. I’m just so aghast because I never mislead him about wanting children. I was a nanny when we met!!! All I talked about was children!! He thought it was so cute! And then we got married and he said we were not in a position to have children and we wait. I don’t want to force a man to have children so I waited. Now we have been TTC for a year and my friends are all on their second babies and our younger siblings are having their firsts.

Everyone is having a a baby a few months after their wedding. My head spins as that’s what I deeply craved and was denied! And I stayed!! And I can’t stop bawling. And he is disregarding my feelings now just as he did back then.

Wow, OP. You are absolutely too much. You weren't "denied" anything. You got married and made decisions about when to build a family together. Grow the hell up and stop casting blame because you don't have exactly what you want this minute. I would disregard all of your "bawling" too, if I were married to you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. I was bawling my eyes out in the car and he did not even take my hand. He kept saying I should be thankful to have Ivf as an option and life isn’t fair and I have a mental problem and I’m making myself miserable,

Either you are not telling us the whole story or you should get a divorce. No one says you have a mental problem for crying over infertility. If he were that crazy you'd have a million other examples.

My bet is you are picking and choosing what to share with us.

If I am wrong, my apologies, and you are married to a crazy person.

This is OP. I have been sad about not having children for a few years now and we have had heated arguments as we delayed TTC as he was not ready financially/emotionally for a few years. The ongoing fertility struggles have made me feel bitter and angry.

I bet when you wanted to try he said "we can just have kids later" and now that you can't, he says "we can just do IVF" and will be just as unsupportive when problems arise with that. Do you really want to be with this man?

Op here. I’m just so aghast because I never mislead him about wanting children. I was a nanny when we met!!! All I talked about was children!! He thought it was so cute! And then we got married and he said we were not in a position to have children and we wait. I don’t want to force a man to have children so I waited. Now we have been TTC for a year and my friends are all on their second babies and our younger siblings are having their firsts.

Everyone is having a a baby a few months after their wedding. My head spins as that’s what I deeply craved and was denied! And I stayed!! And I can’t stop bawling. And he is disregarding my feelings now just as he did back then.

Wow, OP. You are absolutely too much. You weren't "denied" anything. You got married and made decisions about when to build a family together. Grow the hell up and stop casting blame because you don't have exactly what you want this minute. I would disregard all of your "bawling" too, if I were married to you.

She compromised for him and now that the anticipated issue has occurred he has no empathy. Not sure how old OP is but if she was over 30 when they married this was foreseeable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm a woman and I can empathize with him. He's probably stressed about having kids and knows how it jmpacts you. He's helpless to do anything and your tears are a reminder that he can't do anything. Maybe a stretch, but he wants to "fix it". He can't and that causes frustration. Your crying and inability to control your emotions makes it worse. I'm a bit like this and have to fight the urge to show my frustrations with my family too. Crying solves nothing OP. The situation sucks, but really what are you to accomplish by crying? As I tell my kids "crying doesn't solve the problem. Figure out what does and work on that." My suggestion is to be solution oriented not victim oriented. He might respond much more sensitively to rationality. I would.

Crying is the healthiest way for a human being to discharge intense emotional energy. Crying is a gift from God or the wise universe, especially in situations when doing something about a problem is out of one’s hands.

Go have a good sob OP, get the pain out. Your husband is likely very sad too but as a man he has been socialized not to cry and covers up the pain with anger.

[Anonymous]

How old are you and how long have you been married?

Did you come to the marriage with sufficient financial resources to support a family and children?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a woman and I can empathize with him. He's probably stressed about having kids and knows how it jmpacts you. He's helpless to do anything and your tears are a reminder that he can't do anything. Maybe a stretch, but he wants to "fix it". He can't and that causes frustration. Your crying and inability to control your emotions makes it worse. I'm a bit like this and have to fight the urge to show my frustrations with my family too. Crying solves nothing OP. The situation sucks, but really what are you to accomplish by crying? As I tell my kids "crying doesn't solve the problem. Figure out what does and work on that." My suggestion is to be solution oriented not victim oriented. He might respond much more sensitively to rationality. I would.

Crying is the healthiest way for a human being to discharge intense emotional energy. Crying is a gift from God or the wise universe, especially in situations when doing something about a problem is out of one’s hands.

Go have a good sob OP, get the pain out. Your husband is likely very sad too but as a man he has been socialized not to cry and covers up the pain with anger.

Running is far more effective than crying!! It helps move the blood around and gets people into problem solving mode. Seriously, I wouldn't be able to handle someone so broken who just wants to cry for years. She needs therapy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. I was bawling my eyes out in the car and he did not even take my hand. He kept saying I should be thankful to have Ivf as an option and life isn’t fair and I have a mental problem and I’m making myself miserable,

He said “you have a mental problem?” Do not have kids with this jackass. He will not get better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. I was bawling my eyes out in the car and he did not even take my hand. He kept saying I should be thankful to have Ivf as an option and life isn’t fair and I have a mental problem and I’m making myself miserable,

Either you are not telling us the whole story or you should get a divorce. No one says you have a mental problem for crying over infertility. If he were that crazy you'd have a million other examples.

My bet is you are picking and choosing what to share with us.

If I am wrong, my apologies, and you are married to a crazy person.

This is OP. I have been sad about not having children for a few years now and we have had heated arguments as we delayed TTC as he was not ready financially/emotionally for a few years. The ongoing fertility struggles have made me feel bitter and angry.

I bet when you wanted to try he said "we can just have kids later" and now that you can't, he says "we can just do IVF" and will be just as unsupportive when problems arise with that. Do you really want to be with this man?

Op here. I’m just so aghast because I never mislead him about wanting children. I was a nanny when we met!!! All I talked about was children!! He thought it was so cute! And then we got married and he said we were not in a position to have children and we wait. I don’t want to force a man to have children so I waited. Now we have been TTC for a year and my friends are all on their second babies and our younger siblings are having their firsts.

Everyone is having a a baby a few months after their wedding. My head spins as that’s what I deeply craved and was denied! And I stayed!! And I can’t stop bawling. And he is disregarding my feelings now just as he did back then.

So you and him agreed to have kids later, but now you are angry and bitter?
Why did you not divorce when he said to wait?

Now that things are not working out you want him to beg you while you cry and accused him.

[Anonymous]

^ he not him

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it is clear that he's not someone you should stay married to. Has he always been unsupportive? If you do have a kid, what do you think this would look like? Maybe look at the silver lining and get out before you try to keep having kids with him.

Lol, the DCUM harpies can't bear to see anyone in any condition other than their own single and bitter state.

Yes, OP, you should divorce immediately.

[Anonymous]

Divorce and do IVF with donor sperm. This man is a horrible emotionless selfish ass$&023.

Do you have a good job?

[Anonymous]

Crying doesn’t solve anything.

[Anonymous]

Do not have children with this man.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. I was bawling my eyes out in the car and he did not even take my hand. He kept saying I should be thankful to have Ivf as an option and life isn’t fair and I have a mental problem and I’m making myself miserable,

Either you are not telling us the whole story or you should get a divorce. No one says you have a mental problem for crying over infertility. If he were that crazy you'd have a million other examples.

My bet is you are picking and choosing what to share with us.

If I am wrong, my apologies, and you are married to a crazy person.

This is OP. I have been sad about not having children for a few years now and we have had heated arguments as we delayed TTC as he was not ready financially/emotionally for a few years. The ongoing fertility struggles have made me feel bitter and angry.

I bet when you wanted to try he said "we can just have kids later" and now that you can't, he says "we can just do IVF" and will be just as unsupportive when problems arise with that. Do you really want to be with this man?

Op here. I’m just so aghast because I never mislead him about wanting children. I was a nanny when we met!!! All I talked about was children!! He thought it was so cute! And then we got married and he said we were not in a position to have children and we wait. I don’t want to force a man to have children so I waited. Now we have been TTC for a year and my friends are all on their second babies and our younger siblings are having their firsts.

Everyone is having a a baby a few months after their wedding. My head spins as that’s what I deeply craved and was denied! And I stayed!! And I can’t stop bawling. And he is disregarding my feelings now just as he did back then.

Wow, OP. You are absolutely too much. You weren't "denied" anything. You got married and made decisions about when to build a family together. Grow the hell up and stop casting blame because you don't have exactly what you want this minute. I would disregard all of your "bawling" too, if I were married to you.

She compromised for him and now that the anticipated issue has occurred he has no empathy. Not sure how old OP is but if she was over 30 when they married this was foreseeable.

He has no empathy because he us defensive. She has literally stated that she is angry and bitter that he asked her to wait.