Husband gets angry when I’m sad

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I mean, you do seem kind of annoying so maybe he's a little fed up having to deal with you.

Wouldn’t have said it this rudely, but I basically agree.

I cannot stand when my wife cries about things like this either. Yes, it’s stressful. Yes, it may be sad. Presumably it’s that way for both of you. So now, on top of dealing with his own stress and pain, he’s got to comfort and console you about this shared situation with no solutions.

Given the subject matter (infertility), it’s probably also important precisely what you mean by that. Is your crying a way of blaming him (in his eyes)? Or a form of self pity? Either way, annoying.

[Anonymous]

What does he mean by you have mental problems and are making yourself miserable. If you rarely cry, this seems like an odd statement. Have you been really down a lot and negative or miserable about this?

Might be worth talking to a therapist if the feelings about it are impacting your life to a significant degree.

[Anonymous]

I think needing him to validate your feelings (yeah this sucks but we are doing all we can) is different from expecting him to soothe you. I don't think that is a fair request. You need to manage your own emotion, he can and should empathize about how hard the situation can be or even just be a silent presence that is there with you (but not while driving) but it isn't his job to regulate or manage your emotions for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. I was bawling my eyes out in the car and he did not even take my hand. He kept saying I should be thankful to have Ivf as an option and life isn’t fair and I have a mental problem and I’m making myself miserable,

Either you are not telling us the whole story or you should get a divorce. No one says you have a mental problem for crying over infertility. If he were that crazy you'd have a million other examples.

My bet is you are picking and choosing what to share with us.

If I am wrong, my apologies, and you are married to a crazy person.

[Anonymous]

I too would have a hard time if my husband wanted me to hold his hand while he sobbed about his stresses while I drove. I would find it distracting and probably try to get him to stop crying in that scenario versus comforting him physically.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. I was bawling my eyes out in the car and he did not even take my hand. He kept saying I should be thankful to have Ivf as an option and life isn’t fair and I have a mental problem and I’m making myself miserable,

Either you are not telling us the whole story or you should get a divorce. No one says you have a mental problem for crying over infertility. If he were that crazy you'd have a million other examples.

My bet is you are picking and choosing what to share with us.

If I am wrong, my apologies, and you are married to a crazy person.

This. That's why I tried to get OP to clarify what they meant when they said "not very often" when questioned about how often they cry. And they didn't. I have a feeling OP's definition of "not very often" might be my definition of "all the damn time."

[Anonymous]

My DH is like this. He takes it personally when I am unhappy like I am causing him to feel like a failure. It’s exhausting bc I always have to be policing my mood and also his as his is so dependent on mine. He’s similarly unsupportive around my vulnerabilities, holds them against me.

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry OP. That was a crappy thing to do and say. People who have infertility grieve the loss of natural childbirth and face invasive medical procedures and financial strain. Of course it's natural to cry over that.

Was this a one off because he was driving or is he always like that? I would seriously reconsider going on that journey with you him. Your hormones will be all over the place and you'll be emotional and he can't deal with that by insulting you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. I was bawling my eyes out in the car and he did not even take my hand. He kept saying I should be thankful to have Ivf as an option and life isn’t fair and I have a mental problem and I’m making myself miserable,

Either you are not telling us the whole story or you should get a divorce. No one says you have a mental problem for crying over infertility. If he were that crazy you'd have a million other examples.

My bet is you are picking and choosing what to share with us.

If I am wrong, my apologies, and you are married to a crazy person.

This is OP. I have been sad about not having children for a few years now and we have had heated arguments as we delayed TTC as he was not ready financially/emotionally for a few years. The ongoing fertility struggles have made me feel bitter and angry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. I was bawling my eyes out in the car and he did not even take my hand. He kept saying I should be thankful to have Ivf as an option and life isn’t fair and I have a mental problem and I’m making myself miserable,

Either you are not telling us the whole story or you should get a divorce. No one says you have a mental problem for crying over infertility. If he were that crazy you'd have a million other examples.

My bet is you are picking and choosing what to share with us.

If I am wrong, my apologies, and you are married to a crazy person.

This is OP. I have been sad about not having children for a few years now and we have had heated arguments as we delayed TTC as he was not ready financially/emotionally for a few years. The ongoing fertility struggles have made me feel bitter and angry.

Now we are getting to the bottom of it. Sounds like he is sick of blame and feels emotionally manipulated by your tears (which I'm gonna bet he would tell us come quite often). Keep at it, and there might not be any TTC at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. I was bawling my eyes out in the car and he did not even take my hand. He kept saying I should be thankful to have Ivf as an option and life isn’t fair and I have a mental problem and I’m making myself miserable,

Either you are not telling us the whole story or you should get a divorce. No one says you have a mental problem for crying over infertility. If he were that crazy you'd have a million other examples.

My bet is you are picking and choosing what to share with us.

If I am wrong, my apologies, and you are married to a crazy person.

This is OP. I have been sad about not having children for a few years now and we have had heated arguments as we delayed TTC as he was not ready financially/emotionally for a few years. The ongoing fertility struggles have made me feel bitter and angry.

YOu have laid this at his feet. ANd. you were sobbing while he was trying to drive and your message with these hysterics was that he had done this to you. and he was over that message.
You wanted his "soothing" (weird thing for an adult to demand of another adult) at a situation that he is in. You wanted him to pay somehow and your tears were the way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. I was bawling my eyes out in the car and he did not even take my hand. He kept saying I should be thankful to have Ivf as an option and life isn’t fair and I have a mental problem and I’m making myself miserable,

Either you are not telling us the whole story or you should get a divorce. No one says you have a mental problem for crying over infertility. If he were that crazy you'd have a million other examples.

My bet is you are picking and choosing what to share with us.

If I am wrong, my apologies, and you are married to a crazy person.

This is OP. I have been sad about not having children for a few years now and we have had heated arguments as we delayed TTC as he was not ready financially/emotionally for a few years. The ongoing fertility struggles have made me feel bitter and angry.

Get a divorce

[Anonymous]

I'm a woman and I can empathize with him. He's probably stressed about having kids and knows how it jmpacts you. He's helpless to do anything and your tears are a reminder that he can't do anything. Maybe a stretch, but he wants to "fix it". He can't and that causes frustration. Your crying and inability to control your emotions makes it worse. I'm a bit like this and have to fight the urge to show my frustrations with my family too. Crying solves nothing OP. The situation sucks, but really what are you to accomplish by crying? As I tell my kids "crying doesn't solve the problem. Figure out what does and work on that." My suggestion is to be solution oriented not victim oriented. He might respond much more sensitively to rationality. I would.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. I was bawling my eyes out in the car and he did not even take my hand. He kept saying I should be thankful to have Ivf as an option and life isn’t fair and I have a mental problem and I’m making myself miserable,

Either you are not telling us the whole story or you should get a divorce. No one says you have a mental problem for crying over infertility. If he were that crazy you'd have a million other examples.

My bet is you are picking and choosing what to share with us.

If I am wrong, my apologies, and you are married to a crazy person.

This is OP. I have been sad about not having children for a few years now and we have had heated arguments as we delayed TTC as he was not ready financially/emotionally for a few years. The ongoing fertility struggles have made me feel bitter and angry.

FFS, just adopt. Start the process and you are in solution space.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. I was bawling my eyes out in the car and he did not even take my hand. He kept saying I should be thankful to have Ivf as an option and life isn’t fair and I have a mental problem and I’m making myself miserable,

Either you are not telling us the whole story or you should get a divorce. No one says you have a mental problem for crying over infertility. If he were that crazy you'd have a million other examples.

My bet is you are picking and choosing what to share with us.

If I am wrong, my apologies, and you are married to a crazy person.

This is OP. I have been sad about not having children for a few years now and we have had heated arguments as we delayed TTC as he was not ready financially/emotionally for a few years. The ongoing fertility struggles have made me feel bitter and angry.

I bet when you wanted to try he said "we can just have kids later" and now that you can't, he says "we can just do IVF" and will be just as unsupportive when problems arise with that. Do you really want to be with this man?