Is it okay to take a break from a friend without telling them?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I need a break from this person. She doesn’t understand other people’s POV so I doubt she’s going to be receptive to a conversation. Over the last week, I’ve been ignoring her calls and texts. I will “thumbs up” or “laugh react” over text but that’s about it. She has called me over 25 times in the past 3 days and texts me asking when I can call her back. I have replied that I’m extremely busy this week (and I am!).

Is it okay to pull away from a friendship without explicitly telling the person that’s what you’re doing?

Fwiw: I just need like a few weeks without her constantly calling and texting me. I’m not ghosting her and it’s not going to be forever. I just need to get my bearings in my own life right now.

What you're doing is immature. Tell her you aren't feeling well and need to rest a few days and will circle back when you're better. Thumbs up only is basically ghosting.

PP, I am busy. Today she has been nonstop calling, texting and otherwise trying to get my attention. She wants to talk to me about credit card offers (per her last slew of texts ) and she has been sending me links about a local news story. I run a small home based business and told her at the beginning of the week that this was going to be a hellish week. I am slammed with orders. This is a person who always manages to bait an argument so I don't really want to talk to her right now since I have 50 other things going on right now. She just texted me again and said, "I'm going to call you again at 5, be near your phone". I replied that I likely won't as I won't be done with these orders until midnight at the earliest. She replied that she just wants to talk for "like 20 mins".

I just can't engage right now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Normally friends take breaks all the time when they are busy and no one really notices because everyone else is busy.

This person will need to be told directly.

I'd call her back and say "I just have five minutes now, but I wanted to check if you need emergency help since you called me 25 times. Is there an emergency?"

Then if it's not say "I don't want to hurt your feelings, but that's way too many times to call someone. I'm going to need to focus on xyz over the rest of summer. I'm sorry I won't be able to give you that kind of attention, but it's better for our friendship long term if we dial it down now and check in again in September."

That assumes that you really do care about this person.

The interspersed texts show that it isn't an emergency. Also, I would never spend time calling and texting someone this many times if I were truly having an emergency. I would call 911.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I need a break from this person. She doesn’t understand other people’s POV so I doubt she’s going to be receptive to a conversation. Over the last week, I’ve been ignoring her calls and texts. I will “thumbs up” or “laugh react” over text but that’s about it. She has called me over 25 times in the past 3 days and texts me asking when I can call her back. I have replied that I’m extremely busy this week (and I am!).

Is it okay to pull away from a friendship without explicitly telling the person that’s what you’re doing?

Fwiw: I just need like a few weeks without her constantly calling and texting me. I’m not ghosting her and it’s not going to be forever. I just need to get my bearings in my own life right now.

What you're doing is immature. Tell her you aren't feeling well and need to rest a few days and will circle back when you're better. Thumbs up only is basically ghosting.

PP, I am busy. Today she has been nonstop calling, texting and otherwise trying to get my attention. She wants to talk to me about credit card offers (per her last slew of texts ) and she has been sending me links about a local news story. I run a small home based business and told her at the beginning of the week that this was going to be a hellish week. I am slammed with orders. This is a person who always manages to bait an argument so I don't really want to talk to her right now since I have 50 other things going on right now. She just texted me again and said, "I'm going to call you again at 5, be near your phone". I replied that I likely won't as I won't be done with these orders until midnight at the earliest. She replied that she just wants to talk for "like 20 mins".

I just can't engage right now.

DP - you have plenty of time to post and re-post on here, so you can't be that busy.

You're also not following any of the good advice you've been given, not on this thread or on the dinner party thread. So, you're just as much of the problem as she is, at this point.

[Anonymous]

TBH between this post and the dinner party post, I'm not sure why you just don't drop her as a friend. You've literally not said one thing nice about her or that you even like her. You've made multiple posts as if you want permission to ignore her.

YOU HAVE PERMISSION TO IGNORE OR BLOCK HER. YOU HAVE PERMISSION TO NO LONGER BE HER FRIEND IF YOU DON'T WANT TO BE.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I need a break from this person. She doesn’t understand other people’s POV so I doubt she’s going to be receptive to a conversation. Over the last week, I’ve been ignoring her calls and texts. I will “thumbs up” or “laugh react” over text but that’s about it. She has called me over 25 times in the past 3 days and texts me asking when I can call her back. I have replied that I’m extremely busy this week (and I am!).

Is it okay to pull away from a friendship without explicitly telling the person that’s what you’re doing?

Fwiw: I just need like a few weeks without her constantly calling and texting me. I’m not ghosting her and it’s not going to be forever. I just need to get my bearings in my own life right now.

What you're doing is immature. Tell her you aren't feeling well and need to rest a few days and will circle back when you're better. Thumbs up only is basically ghosting.

PP, I am busy. Today she has been nonstop calling, texting and otherwise trying to get my attention. She wants to talk to me about credit card offers (per her last slew of texts ) and she has been sending me links about a local news story. I run a small home based business and told her at the beginning of the week that this was going to be a hellish week. I am slammed with orders. This is a person who always manages to bait an argument so I don't really want to talk to her right now since I have 50 other things going on right now. She just texted me again and said, "I'm going to call you again at 5, be near your phone". I replied that I likely won't as I won't be done with these orders until midnight at the earliest. She replied that she just wants to talk for "like 20 mins".

I just can't engage right now.

DP - you have plenty of time to post and re-post on here, so you can't be that busy.

You're also not following any of the good advice you've been given, not on this thread or on the dinner party thread. So, you're just as much of the problem as she is, at this point.

Yes, I have time to eat lunch, and take bathroom breaks, and go to the supply store... but I don't have time (or bandwidth) for her histrionics.

And I have taken the advice. I've set boundaries: told her early in the week whats going on, told her I would call her back on X day, replied to her messages sporadically. The biggest boundary I've set is not dropping everything to answer her calls anymore. If I'm on the couch and feel like talking, I'll answer, but I'm no longer prioritizing conversations with her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Normally friends take breaks all the time when they are busy and no one really notices because everyone else is busy.

This person will need to be told directly.

I'd call her back and say "I just have five minutes now, but I wanted to check if you need emergency help since you called me 25 times. Is there an emergency?"

Then if it's not say "I don't want to hurt your feelings, but that's way too many times to call someone. I'm going to need to focus on xyz over the rest of summer. I'm sorry I won't be able to give you that kind of attention, but it's better for our friendship long term if we dial it down now and check in again in September."

That assumes that you really do care about this person.

The interspersed texts show that it isn't an emergency. Also, I would never spend time calling and texting someone this many times if I were truly having an emergency. I would call 911.

Well there are different levels of emergency, using that term very loosely. I couldn't imagine that many messages without some sort of crisis.

[Anonymous]

Why can’t you just mute her and ignore? Blocking is mean. But she also can’t do what she’s doing now. Why do you want to take a break and not end the friendship?

[Anonymous]

She sounds insane. Op, I think your instinct is tight to minimize engaging.

[Anonymous]

If someone called me 25x in a day and it wasn’t due to grave injury or death of a loved one I would draw an immediate contact boundary and depending, on their mental state and resilience, entirely break off the friendship. This is insane. She is insane. If you aren’t insane do not contact her ever again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I need a break from this person. She doesn’t understand other people’s POV so I doubt she’s going to be receptive to a conversation. Over the last week, I’ve been ignoring her calls and texts. I will “thumbs up” or “laugh react” over text but that’s about it. She has called me over 25 times in the past 3 days and texts me asking when I can call her back. I have replied that I’m extremely busy this week (and I am!).

Is it okay to pull away from a friendship without explicitly telling the person that’s what you’re doing?

Fwiw: I just need like a few weeks without her constantly calling and texting me. I’m not ghosting her and it’s not going to be forever. I just need to get my bearings in my own life right now.

What you're doing is immature. Tell her you aren't feeling well and need to rest a few days and will circle back when you're better. Thumbs up only is basically ghosting.

PP, I am busy. Today she has been nonstop calling, texting and otherwise trying to get my attention. She wants to talk to me about credit card offers (per her last slew of texts ) and she has been sending me links about a local news story. I run a small home based business and told her at the beginning of the week that this was going to be a hellish week. I am slammed with orders. This is a person who always manages to bait an argument so I don't really want to talk to her right now since I have 50 other things going on right now. She just texted me again and said, "I'm going to call you again at 5, be near your phone". I replied that I likely won't as I won't be done with these orders until midnight at the earliest. She replied that she just wants to talk for "like 20 mins".

I just can't engage right now.

DP - you have plenty of time to post and re-post on here, so you can't be that busy.

You're also not following any of the good advice you've been given, not on this thread or on the dinner party thread. So, you're just as much of the problem as she is, at this point.

Yes, I have time to eat lunch, and take bathroom breaks, and go to the supply store... but I don't have time (or bandwidth) for her histrionics.

And I have taken the advice. I've set boundaries: told her early in the week whats going on, told her I would call her back on X day, replied to her messages sporadically. The biggest boundary I've set is not dropping everything to answer her calls anymore. If I'm on the couch and feel like talking, I'll answer, but I'm no longer prioritizing conversations with her.

If you're still posting as many complaints about her as you have been in the last, what, three hours, you haven't set firm enough boundaries. The point of boundaries is to be able to engage with the person in way that lets you preserve the relationship without staying resentful or frustrated or whatever. If the boundaries you set were working, you wouldn't be complaining.

So: why haven't you blocked her number, or at the very least silenced text notifications?

[Anonymous]

She seems bored and lonely. Send her some links to TV shows / movies / YouTube channels/ articles to keep her busy.

If you can get her hooked on binge video, she'll ease off youm

[Anonymous]

Often on DCUM, people suggest "slow fading" friends who can't take a hint or would otherwise not be receptive to a conversation about boundaries.

How does slow fading work when the person is a constant texter, emailer and caller. This person will also reach out to other family members if she isn't getting a response. For example, I told her I was busy and needed some space. Two days passed and she started up with the constant calls and texts. I left my phone on DND and she started emailing me.

I messaged her back after 12 hrs and said I wasn't able to call her back and asked how her day was. She proceeded to go to my husband's FB and message him a long message about how I'm ignoring her and will he talk to me for her.
He (nicely) told her that I have been super stressed and to back off. She started spamming him with several more messages. The crazy thing is that they are all about her problems. Not "I'm so worried about Larla...." but instead "I need to talk to her about something that happened at work and she isn't calling me back!"

-OP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Often on DCUM, people suggest "slow fading" friends who can't take a hint or would otherwise not be receptive to a conversation about boundaries.

How does slow fading work when the person is a constant texter, emailer and caller. This person will also reach out to other family members if she isn't getting a response. For example, I told her I was busy and needed some space. Two days passed and she started up with the constant calls and texts. I left my phone on DND and she started emailing me.

I messaged her back after 12 hrs and said I wasn't able to call her back and asked how her day was. She proceeded to go to my husband's FB and message him a long message about how I'm ignoring her and will he talk to me for her.
He (nicely) told her that I have been super stressed and to back off. She started spamming him with several more messages. The crazy thing is that they are all about her problems. Not "I'm so worried about Larla...." but instead "I need to talk to her about something that happened at work and she isn't calling me back!"

-OP

She sounds beyond self-absorbed. Block her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Talk to her about it once. She's in some kind of crisis.
Express regret that if you can't hold her hand through it this week month /whatever.
Offer what you are willing: a call every week for 30min or aunch date or whatever.

Set a silent ring tone for her calls and texts.

She has been in “crisis” for years. And even when I have truly been going through some tough stuff she kind of brushes it off and continues talking about her comparatively minuscule issues.

Why the F do you want to be friends with this person? She sounds unwell.

[Anonymous]

Is this like your 10th post about this person? I don’t understand.