Is it okay to take a break from a friend without telling them?

[Anonymous]

I need a break from this person. She doesn’t understand other people’s POV so I doubt she’s going to be receptive to a conversation. Over the last week, I’ve been ignoring her calls and texts. I will “thumbs up” or “laugh react” over text but that’s about it. She has called me over 25 times in the past 3 days and texts me asking when I can call her back. I have replied that I’m extremely busy this week (and I am!).

Is it okay to pull away from a friendship without explicitly telling the person that’s what you’re doing?

Fwiw: I just need like a few weeks without her constantly calling and texting me. I’m not ghosting her and it’s not going to be forever. I just need to get my bearings in my own life right now.

[Anonymous]

Yes it's OK, but realize she may not be interested in resuming. Which sounds like it might be OK too.

You could say, once, "sorry, I need to deal with some things and I'm not available for the next few weeks" and then block her number.

[Anonymous]

OMG. 25 times in 3 days??!! That's beyond crazy. I would text to see if she's having some kind of emergency but assuming she isn't, I would just emphasize that you're too busy to respond but that you'll call when you come up for air. I know you don't owe her an explanation and that you should insist on your boundaries, etc. but I find this is a smoother and nicer way to uphold boundaries without leading to more awkwardness. Good luck!

[Anonymous]

I wouldn’t block your friend per the PP. maybe let her know you are dealing with some stuff and will resurface in a few weeks? If she can’t give you space, she’s not the best friend.

[Anonymous]

Just tell her you're busy for a week or whatever and give her a date you'll call her back. Of course she's going to keep texting you and wondering what's going on if you don't respond. It's also kind of mean and juvenile.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes it's OK, but realize she may not be interested in resuming. Which sounds like it might be OK too.

You could say, once, "sorry, I need to deal with some things and I'm not available for the next few weeks" and then block her number.

You sound like a crappy person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OMG. 25 times in 3 days??!! That's beyond crazy. I would text to see if she's having some kind of emergency but assuming she isn't, I would just emphasize that you're too busy to respond but that you'll call when you come up for air. I know you don't owe her an explanation and that you should insist on your boundaries, etc. but I find this is a smoother and nicer way to uphold boundaries without leading to more awkwardness. Good luck!

Not an emergency. And also, if it were, it seems that she would move on to the next person if she were truly in distress. She’s texting me to ask for work advice, to tell me about her anxiety, and sometimes just to chat but I’m at capacity right now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just tell her you're busy for a week or whatever and give her a date you'll call her back. Of course she's going to keep texting you and wondering what's going on if you don't respond. It's also kind of mean and juvenile.

I told her “this is a very busy week for me, I have XYZ things going on”. And she proceeded to call and text repeatedly. For example, she called while I was in a meeting. I replied by text, “sorry! Busy at a meeting”. She said “well can you call me at around 9:30 tonight?”. I didn’t call.

[Anonymous]

Same friend who was calling repeatedly during your dinner party?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I need a break from this person. She doesn’t understand other people’s POV so I doubt she’s going to be receptive to a conversation. Over the last week, I’ve been ignoring her calls and texts. I will “thumbs up” or “laugh react” over text but that’s about it. She has called me over 25 times in the past 3 days and texts me asking when I can call her back. I have replied that I’m extremely busy this week (and I am!).

Is it okay to pull away from a friendship without explicitly telling the person that’s what you’re doing?

Fwiw: I just need like a few weeks without her constantly calling and texting me. I’m not ghosting her and it’s not going to be forever. I just need to get my bearings in my own life right now.

Is she going through some kind of crisis that would make the bolded behavior at all appropriate? If it was not a crisis and someone called me 25+ times and texted me asking me to call back, I would tell them "That is way too many calls, I do not want to talk to you that often, and this is making me not want to talk to you at all."

I get that you don't want to have a confrontation, but this person's behavior is really rude and if there is not some situational thing that explains/excuses it, I would call it tf out. And stop reacting to the texts. If you're not communicating with her, don't respond at all to the texts. Leave them unread. Engaging with her is why she keeps calling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I need a break from this person. She doesn’t understand other people’s POV so I doubt she’s going to be receptive to a conversation. Over the last week, I’ve been ignoring her calls and texts. I will “thumbs up” or “laugh react” over text but that’s about it. She has called me over 25 times in the past 3 days and texts me asking when I can call her back. I have replied that I’m extremely busy this week (and I am!).

Is it okay to pull away from a friendship without explicitly telling the person that’s what you’re doing?

Fwiw: I just need like a few weeks without her constantly calling and texting me. I’m not ghosting her and it’s not going to be forever. I just need to get my bearings in my own life right now.

If this person is a friend, I think you owe her an explanation. Why don't you tell her what you wrote here or text her if you are not comfortable saying it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I need a break from this person. She doesn’t understand other people’s POV so I doubt she’s going to be receptive to a conversation. Over the last week, I’ve been ignoring her calls and texts. I will “thumbs up” or “laugh react” over text but that’s about it. She has called me over 25 times in the past 3 days and texts me asking when I can call her back. I have replied that I’m extremely busy this week (and I am!).

Is it okay to pull away from a friendship without explicitly telling the person that’s what you’re doing?

Fwiw: I just need like a few weeks without her constantly calling and texting me. I’m not ghosting her and it’s not going to be forever. I just need to get my bearings in my own life right now.

I get it, OP. I dropped a friend because her spouse was too much - inappropriate, has anger issues, and is mentally ill and becoming progressively worse. Former friend is in denial, the spouse has gotten themselves into some (scorching) hot water, and it has gotten to a point that the spouse will face repercussions they never saw coming.

Boundaries are crucial.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Same friend who was calling repeatedly during your dinner party?

Yep. That’s the one🙃

I’m trying to set better boundaries, but here I am with 3 missed calls since I wrote this post.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes it's OK, but realize she may not be interested in resuming. Which sounds like it might be OK too.

You could say, once, "sorry, I need to deal with some things and I'm not available for the next few weeks" and then block her number.

You sound like a crappy person.

Am I crappy, or am I a person with boundaries? I'm definitely a person whose phone isn't blowing up because of someone I don't want to talk to.

[Anonymous]

3 missed calls all from her? That's full out cray! Yikes. I don't need a friend that bad.