Is it okay to take a break from a friend without telling them?

[Anonymous]

OP, give her one clear statement: "I don't have time to talk for the next few weeks. I'll be back in touch when I can." (the latter, assuming you want to be back in touch)

After that, block her number. It sounds unlikely that anything you say will get her to actually stop contacting you, so you have to do more to set and maintain the boundary. Part of setting boundaries effectively is clear communication, hence the statement above. It's hard to do, but you'll get better with practice.

[Anonymous]

What’s the dinner party story? Can someone link the thread?

OP, is it possible she has bipolar disorder? I have a family member with BPD who behaves like this when she is going thru episodes.

You have already tried telling her nicely to give you some space, I think it’s more than fine to be more blunt, bordering on rude. ‘Please stop calling me, I have told you I am busy this week and I will call you back when I have a chance next weekend.’

[Anonymous]

I'd put her on do not disturb for texts and calls. When you have the bandwidth, check-in and let her know that you've been busy and will be in touch when you come up for air.

[Anonymous]

Just ignore. Sounds like she needs professional help.

[Anonymous]

God, she’s way too needy, OP. I’d ditch her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What’s the dinner party story? Can someone link the thread?

OP, is it possible she has bipolar disorder? I have a family member with BPD who behaves like this when she is going thru episodes.

You have already tried telling her nicely to give you some space, I think it’s more than fine to be more blunt, bordering on rude. ‘Please stop calling me, I have told you I am busy this week and I will call you back when I have a chance next weekend.’

https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/forums/show/6.page

[Anonymous]

Talk to her about it once. She's in some kind of crisis.
Express regret that if you can't hold her hand through it this week month /whatever.
Offer what you are willing: a call every week for 30min or aunch date or whatever.

Set a silent ring tone for her calls and texts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OMG. 25 times in 3 days??!! That's beyond crazy. I would text to see if she's having some kind of emergency but assuming she isn't, I would just emphasize that you're too busy to respond but that you'll call when you come up for air. I know you don't owe her an explanation and that you should insist on your boundaries, etc. but I find this is a smoother and nicer way to uphold boundaries without leading to more awkwardness. Good luck!

Not an emergency. And also, if it were, it seems that she would move on to the next person if she were truly in distress. She’s texting me to ask for work advice, to tell me about her anxiety, and sometimes just to chat but I’m at capacity right now.

Are you sure there is a next person?

[Anonymous]

Give her the DCUM address.

We'll discuss her problems with her. (Including her complaints about your unavailability.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Talk to her about it once. She's in some kind of crisis.
Express regret that if you can't hold her hand through it this week month /whatever.
Offer what you are willing: a call every week for 30min or aunch date or whatever.

Set a silent ring tone for her calls and texts.

She has been in “crisis” for years. And even when I have truly been going through some tough stuff she kind of brushes it off and continues talking about her comparatively minuscule issues.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What’s the dinner party story? Can someone link the thread?

OP, is it possible she has bipolar disorder? I have a family member with BPD who behaves like this when she is going thru episodes.

You have already tried telling her nicely to give you some space, I think it’s more than fine to be more blunt, bordering on rude. ‘Please stop calling me, I have told you I am busy this week and I will call you back when I have a chance next weekend.’

https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/forums/show/6.page

Link doesn’t work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Talk to her about it once. She's in some kind of crisis.
Express regret that if you can't hold her hand through it this week month /whatever.
Offer what you are willing: a call every week for 30min or aunch date or whatever.

Set a silent ring tone for her calls and texts.

She has been in “crisis” for years. And even when I have truly been going through some tough stuff she kind of brushes it off and continues talking about her comparatively minuscule issues.

Serious question: in what way is SHE a friend to YOU? We get that you’re a friend to her, but if you’re not getting anything from the “friendship,” it’s time to drop it.

[Anonymous]

https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/1118565.page


Dinner party link

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I need a break from this person. She doesn’t understand other people’s POV so I doubt she’s going to be receptive to a conversation. Over the last week, I’ve been ignoring her calls and texts. I will “thumbs up” or “laugh react” over text but that’s about it. She has called me over 25 times in the past 3 days and texts me asking when I can call her back. I have replied that I’m extremely busy this week (and I am!).

Is it okay to pull away from a friendship without explicitly telling the person that’s what you’re doing?

Fwiw: I just need like a few weeks without her constantly calling and texting me. I’m not ghosting her and it’s not going to be forever. I just need to get my bearings in my own life right now.

What you're doing is immature. Tell her you aren't feeling well and need to rest a few days and will circle back when you're better. Thumbs up only is basically ghosting.

[Anonymous]

Normally friends take breaks all the time when they are busy and no one really notices because everyone else is busy.

This person will need to be told directly.

I'd call her back and say "I just have five minutes now, but I wanted to check if you need emergency help since you called me 25 times. Is there an emergency?"

Then if it's not say "I don't want to hurt your feelings, but that's way too many times to call someone. I'm going to need to focus on xyz over the rest of summer. I'm sorry I won't be able to give you that kind of attention, but it's better for our friendship long term if we dial it down now and check in again in September."

That assumes that you really do care about this person.