Why do some parents let their kids throw boozy parties

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:2218x PP

It’s also the mindset that HS is the new college. HS students now behave similar to college students and are encouraged by parents.

Look at the pregaming before HS football games (parents and students), how proms and dances are as elaborate and as expensive as sorority and fraternity functions (party bus, sleepovers, after parties). Even HS graduation parties are boozy with parents and families combining forces and throwing huge backyard catered parties for multiple graduates. These parties always include an open bar and coolers of beer and wine seltzer.

Don’t get me started on Beach Week. Parents provide alcohol, stock fridges and even stay nearby to “chaperone” and then look the other way and drive kids to the ER, pay lost security deposits, intervene w/ landlords, rent the house in their names.

All done in the name of “preparation for college.” The parents think they are doing their
kids huge favors! The adults get to relive their crazy college days alongside their kids!

You’re the same crazy extreme poster. Most parents don’t do this. As stated, they are on the way other end of the spectrum from you. Knowing your kid has a beer every once in a while, and not keeping your head in the sand about this and other uncomfortable topics is very different from the other behaviors you’re describing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We are never hosting a boozy party and do not permit high school drinking. Nonetheless, if my kids were to drink, I’d prefer that they be doing so at someone’s house rather than random parking lots and fields where we drank as high school students. While I don’t want to allow my kids to drink, I also don’t want their first experiences with alcohol to be in college. I saw how that played out for many kids and it was not good.

I really cannot wrap my heads around this. So you want your kids to break the law? You do realize that drinking under the age of 21 is illegal and as this very thread pointed out, that kids and parents can and do get fined and jailed for underaged drinking, right?

What other crimes do you want your kid to get out of the way under your nose or their friends' parents noses so you can say they aren't doing it for the first time in college?

An adult experimenting with risky behavior, which is what college students are, is ALWAYS going to be far superior to an underdeveloped minor.

NP. Your line of thinking is just as illogical as the parent who hosted the party. A college freshman is still underage but with even less of a scaffold while at college. I don’t support my child drinking, but I’d rather we have conversations about how to handle this and they have a beer every once in awhile than start in college. You’re just one other side of the spectrum in the gradient of extremes.

The false equivalency you're making here doesn't make sense to me at all. Not endorsing and excusing underage drinking is just as illogical as hosting underage drinking at a party? How?

Again: It is a fact that a 15 or 16 year-old drinking alcohol is always going to be worse than an 18 or 19-year-old doing those things. Every year of maturity counts when it comes to engaging in risky or adult-like behavior.

If you think it's better to enable them to drink in high school than college because...."there's less of a scaffold," uh ok. I have no idea what that means, but I guess it means it's better to do it in high school because you're there to clean up their vomit and bail them out of trouble and pick them up if they get an alcohol citation? Good luck with that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:2218x PP

It’s also the mindset that HS is the new college. HS students now behave similar to college students and are encouraged by parents.

Look at the pregaming before HS football games (parents and students), how proms and dances are as elaborate and as expensive as sorority and fraternity functions (party bus, sleepovers, after parties). Even HS graduation parties are boozy with parents and families combining forces and throwing huge backyard catered parties for multiple graduates. These parties always include an open bar and coolers of beer and wine seltzer.

Don’t get me started on Beach Week. Parents provide alcohol, stock fridges and even stay nearby to “chaperone” and then look the other way and drive kids to the ER, pay lost security deposits, intervene w/ landlords, rent the house in their names.

All done in the name of “preparation for college.” The parents think they are doing their
kids huge favors! The adults get to relive their crazy college days alongside their kids!

You’re the same crazy extreme poster. Most parents don’t do this. As stated, they are on the way other end of the spectrum from you. Knowing your kid has a beer every once in a while, and not keeping your head in the sand about this and other uncomfortable topics is very different from the other behaviors you’re describing.

You say this as if this is an innocuous thing. A 15 or 16 year old "who has a beer once in a while" is NOT NORMAL. This is not ok. There are consequences to this in the long-term that you are overlooking.

That's what people are trying to explain to you that you refuse to listen to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:2218x PP

It’s also the mindset that HS is the new college. HS students now behave similar to college students and are encouraged by parents.

Look at the pregaming before HS football games (parents and students), how proms and dances are as elaborate and as expensive as sorority and fraternity functions (party bus, sleepovers, after parties). Even HS graduation parties are boozy with parents and families combining forces and throwing huge backyard catered parties for multiple graduates. These parties always include an open bar and coolers of beer and wine seltzer.

Don’t get me started on Beach Week. Parents provide alcohol, stock fridges and even stay nearby to “chaperone” and then look the other way and drive kids to the ER, pay lost security deposits, intervene w/ landlords, rent the house in their names.

All done in the name of “preparation for college.” The parents think they are doing their
kids huge favors! The adults get to relive their crazy college days alongside their kids!

You’re the same crazy extreme poster. Most parents don’t do this. As stated, they are on the way other end of the spectrum from you. Knowing your kid has a beer every once in a while, and not keeping your head in the sand about this and other uncomfortable topics is very different from the other behaviors you’re describing.

PP. I’m neither crazy nor extreme, just a lifelong resident of the community with an interesting, astute perspective that I will not describe further so that I can protect my privacy. The behaviors I’ve described are unfortunately all too common.
I have a small group of like minded friends/parents who remind me that we are rational, capable and mature adults with specific views on how to best raise kind, responsible DC.

Sad to think that our DC doesn’t want a grad party because “no one will attend” if we don’t serve alcohol or have an open bar. Instead, we’ll go out for a dinner.

[Anonymous]

I guess many parents are going off their own experiences. I’m not sure where everyone was raised, but almost everyone in my high school drank alcohol. Our parents looked the other way and never discussed it with us. I drank every weekend in high school and college. I graduated with honors and now have a post doctoral level education.

I think it’s unrealistic for my social teen to never drink. For me, it was part of the high school experience. I have a different relationship with my teen and we discuss drinking, drugs, and sex. DC knows no drugs, no drinking and driving, and no sex with others that have been drinking. DC has boundaries with drinking and follows them. DC has called me and asked for a ride when DC had drank. DC knew not to drive home. DC knows it’s a crime to have sex with someone who is too intoxicated to give consent. DC tells friends not to do this as well.

FWIW, most of my friends attended great colleges and are now professionals. I don’t drink at all now.

[Anonymous]

The real answer is they assume their kids will be doing it anyways, and they’d rather they do it somewhere “safe” / they’d rather know where their kids are and be able to keep an eye. That or they’re older and just completely disengaged parents who can’t be bothered to put up a fight and have just adopted an ‘I won’t come downstairs / I don’t really know what’s going on down there’ approach

I’m not defending either of these, FTR

[Anonymous]

Parents:

No, I don’t want to meet up to pre game at a local bar before our kids’ youth sports game.

Sorry, but I’m not going to laugh at how adorable you are for bringing in a flask or water bottle filled with wine or a cocktail to the stadium. So sneaky!

Your neighbors shouldn’t feel conflicted about calling you to tell you to turn the music down when you are hosting another house party for parents and teens on a Saturday night that goes until the wee hours.

I also shouldn’t worry about how the PTA moms are safely getting home after an in home “wine meeting” but I’ll make damn sure to leave ahead of them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We are never hosting a boozy party and do not permit high school drinking. Nonetheless, if my kids were to drink, I’d prefer that they be doing so at someone’s house rather than random parking lots and fields where we drank as high school students. While I don’t want to allow my kids to drink, I also don’t want their first experiences with alcohol to be in college. I saw how that played out for many kids and it was not good.

I really cannot wrap my heads around this. So you want your kids to break the law? You do realize that drinking under the age of 21 is illegal and as this very thread pointed out, that kids and parents can and do get fined and jailed for underaged drinking, right?

What other crimes do you want your kid to get out of the way under your nose or their friends' parents noses so you can say they aren't doing it for the first time in college?

An adult experimenting with risky behavior, which is what college students are, is ALWAYS going to be far superior to an underdeveloped minor.

NP but I think the point is that most kids are going to do it anyways. When we did not have a specific house or party to go to, we drank in parks / fields / random lots. Literally wherever. Like it or not, drinking is a very pervasive part of high school and it crosses pretty much all social groups. You may “forbid” it, but chances are your kid is doing it anyways

(My kids are in preschool, I’m not doing this or defending parents who are. Just saying that whether there is a permissive parents’ house or not, they are drinking

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We are never hosting a boozy party and do not permit high school drinking. Nonetheless, if my kids were to drink, I’d prefer that they be doing so at someone’s house rather than random parking lots and fields where we drank as high school students. While I don’t want to allow my kids to drink, I also don’t want their first experiences with alcohol to be in college. I saw how that played out for many kids and it was not good.

I really cannot wrap my heads around this. So you want your kids to break the law? You do realize that drinking under the age of 21 is illegal and as this very thread pointed out, that kids and parents can and do get fined and jailed for underaged drinking, right?

What other crimes do you want your kid to get out of the way under your nose or their friends' parents noses so you can say they aren't doing it for the first time in college?

An adult experimenting with risky behavior, which is what college students are, is ALWAYS going to be far superior to an underdeveloped minor.

NP. Your line of thinking is just as illogical as the parent who hosted the party. A college freshman is still underage but with even less of a scaffold while at college. I don’t support my child drinking, but I’d rather we have conversations about how to handle this and they have a beer every once in awhile than start in college. You’re just one other side of the spectrum in the gradient of extremes.

The false equivalency you're making here doesn't make sense to me at all. Not endorsing and excusing underage drinking is just as illogical as hosting underage drinking at a party? How?

Again: It is a fact that a 15 or 16 year-old drinking alcohol is always going to be worse than an 18 or 19-year-old doing those things. Every year of maturity counts when it comes to engaging in risky or adult-like behavior.

If you think it's better to enable them to drink in high school than college because...."there's less of a scaffold," uh ok. I have no idea what that means, but I guess it means it's better to do it in high school because you're there to clean up their vomit and bail them out of trouble and pick them up if they get an alcohol citation? Good luck with that.

My guess is you don’t have too many friends and your kids are either younger or they’re generally not interested in parties and/or alcohol. You just insist on digging in those heels and The way you speak to people is just awful. You’re very unlikeable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We are never hosting a boozy party and do not permit high school drinking. Nonetheless, if my kids were to drink, I’d prefer that they be doing so at someone’s house rather than random parking lots and fields where we drank as high school students. While I don’t want to allow my kids to drink, I also don’t want their first experiences with alcohol to be in college. I saw how that played out for many kids and it was not good.

I really cannot wrap my heads around this. So you want your kids to break the law? You do realize that drinking under the age of 21 is illegal and as this very thread pointed out, that kids and parents can and do get fined and jailed for underaged drinking, right?

What other crimes do you want your kid to get out of the way under your nose or their friends' parents noses so you can say they aren't doing it for the first time in college?

An adult experimenting with risky behavior, which is what college students are, is ALWAYS going to be far superior to an underdeveloped minor.

NP but I think the point is that most kids are going to do it anyways. When we did not have a specific house or party to go to, we drank in parks / fields / random lots. Literally wherever. Like it or not, drinking is a very pervasive part of high school and it crosses pretty much all social groups. You may “forbid” it, but chances are your kid is doing it anyways

(My kids are in preschool, I’m not doing this or defending parents who are. Just saying that whether there is a permissive parents’ house or not, they are drinking

+1000

Exactly, PP! My kid and I have a mutually respectful relationship. I would never provide alcohol, host parties, and rarely drink myself. My kid barely drinks either. But I know what’s going on, and they are very open with me. Much safer for them that way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I guess many parents are going off their own experiences. I’m not sure where everyone was raised, but almost everyone in my high school drank alcohol. Our parents looked the other way and never discussed it with us. I drank every weekend in high school and college. I graduated with honors and now have a post doctoral level education.

I think it’s unrealistic for my social teen to never drink. For me, it was part of the high school experience. I have a different relationship with my teen and we discuss drinking, drugs, and sex. DC knows no drugs, no drinking and driving, and no sex with others that have been drinking. DC has boundaries with drinking and follows them. DC has called me and asked for a ride when DC had drank. DC knew not to drive home. DC knows it’s a crime to have sex with someone who is too intoxicated to give consent. DC tells friends not to do this as well.

FWIW, most of my friends attended great colleges and are now professionals. I don’t drink at all now.

So, people have to stop assuming their experiences or the experiences of their circles are universal.

I grew up in MCPS. I'm not going to say that I didn't hear about some teens who went to house parties and engaged in drinking, but I DID NOT because my parents did not allow me to indulge or engage in such behavior. They were not dropping me off to someone's house to get drunk. That was simply not a thing for me and my friend circle.

Your kids will, for the most part, do what you allow and set boundaries for. If you remove no drinking as a boundary, well, yeah. They're going to do it. If you remove no drinking as an expectation, then you're just moving the goal post to even more extreme behavior.

Also, if you go with your attitude, and your teen gets an alcohol citation at a friend's house party that gets busted by the cops, and now they have to pay a fine or show up in court and they ask you, "But mom, you said it was ok if I drink. How come I'm in trouble with the police?" How do you respond?

You are creating a whole host of problems with this mindset and there's an inconsistency of logic that fundamentally undermines your authority as a parent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We are never hosting a boozy party and do not permit high school drinking. Nonetheless, if my kids were to drink, I’d prefer that they be doing so at someone’s house rather than random parking lots and fields where we drank as high school students. While I don’t want to allow my kids to drink, I also don’t want their first experiences with alcohol to be in college. I saw how that played out for many kids and it was not good.

I really cannot wrap my heads around this. So you want your kids to break the law? You do realize that drinking under the age of 21 is illegal and as this very thread pointed out, that kids and parents can and do get fined and jailed for underaged drinking, right?

What other crimes do you want your kid to get out of the way under your nose or their friends' parents noses so you can say they aren't doing it for the first time in college?

An adult experimenting with risky behavior, which is what college students are, is ALWAYS going to be far superior to an underdeveloped minor.

NP but I think the point is that most kids are going to do it anyways. When we did not have a specific house or party to go to, we drank in parks / fields / random lots. Literally wherever. Like it or not, drinking is a very pervasive part of high school and it crosses pretty much all social groups. You may “forbid” it, but chances are your kid is doing it anyways

(My kids are in preschool, I’m not doing this or defending parents who are. Just saying that whether there is a permissive parents’ house or not, they are drinking

Again: Drinking was not a pervasive part of my high school experience as a kid in MCPS high schools. I'm not saying we never heard of kids who did it, but me and my friends circle weren't ostracized or outcast as kids who didn't drink.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We are never hosting a boozy party and do not permit high school drinking. Nonetheless, if my kids were to drink, I’d prefer that they be doing so at someone’s house rather than random parking lots and fields where we drank as high school students. While I don’t want to allow my kids to drink, I also don’t want their first experiences with alcohol to be in college. I saw how that played out for many kids and it was not good.

I really cannot wrap my heads around this. So you want your kids to break the law? You do realize that drinking under the age of 21 is illegal and as this very thread pointed out, that kids and parents can and do get fined and jailed for underaged drinking, right?

What other crimes do you want your kid to get out of the way under your nose or their friends' parents noses so you can say they aren't doing it for the first time in college?

An adult experimenting with risky behavior, which is what college students are, is ALWAYS going to be far superior to an underdeveloped minor.

NP. Your line of thinking is just as illogical as the parent who hosted the party. A college freshman is still underage but with even less of a scaffold while at college. I don’t support my child drinking, but I’d rather we have conversations about how to handle this and they have a beer every once in awhile than start in college. You’re just one other side of the spectrum in the gradient of extremes.

The false equivalency you're making here doesn't make sense to me at all. Not endorsing and excusing underage drinking is just as illogical as hosting underage drinking at a party? How?

Again: It is a fact that a 15 or 16 year-old drinking alcohol is always going to be worse than an 18 or 19-year-old doing those things. Every year of maturity counts when it comes to engaging in risky or adult-like behavior.

If you think it's better to enable them to drink in high school than college because...."there's less of a scaffold," uh ok. I have no idea what that means, but I guess it means it's better to do it in high school because you're there to clean up their vomit and bail them out of trouble and pick them up if they get an alcohol citation? Good luck with that.

My guess is you don’t have too many friends and your kids are either younger or they’re generally not interested in parties and/or alcohol. You just insist on digging in those heels and The way you speak to people is just awful. You’re very unlikeable.

My guess is you lack a moral compass and have poor character, which make you a go-along just to get-along kind of person who suffers from a clear sense of right from wrong.

If you want to pass onto your children that it's ok to engage in self-destructive behavior that is harmful in the long-term and illegal in the short-term just because everyone else is doing it, that's on you. Nevermind that it's not actually "everyone" doing it, but merely a portion of the population that you and your teen have decided are worth conforming to, so you can be accepted and fit in, regardless of the cost.

You're literally raising your child with the mentality that if everyone is jumping off the bridge, you should do it too, instead of teaching them to think critically and independently about what is healthy, right and good for them. You're very unlikable and toxic to our community's wellbeing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some parents want their kids to be cool above all else. I know several such parents. The parents themselves are also usually preoccupied with their own social lives and are probably borderline alcoholics themselves.

Social engineering! The parents I know who do such things are the type to tailgate at U12 youth sporting events, host huge theme or birthday parties at their house regularly and get carted away by ambulance after passing out in the field house bathroom at a HS football game.

Zip code:2218X

You can just say Madison.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I guess many parents are going off their own experiences. I’m not sure where everyone was raised, but almost everyone in my high school drank alcohol. Our parents looked the other way and never discussed it with us. I drank every weekend in high school and college. I graduated with honors and now have a post doctoral level education.

I think it’s unrealistic for my social teen to never drink. For me, it was part of the high school experience. I have a different relationship with my teen and we discuss drinking, drugs, and sex. DC knows no drugs, no drinking and driving, and no sex with others that have been drinking. DC has boundaries with drinking and follows them. DC has called me and asked for a ride when DC had drank. DC knew not to drive home. DC knows it’s a crime to have sex with someone who is too intoxicated to give consent. DC tells friends not to do this as well.

FWIW, most of my friends attended great colleges and are now professionals. I don’t drink at all now.

So, people have to stop assuming their experiences or the experiences of their circles are universal.

I grew up in MCPS. I'm not going to say that I didn't hear about some teens who went to house parties and engaged in drinking, but I DID NOT because my parents did not allow me to indulge or engage in such behavior. They were not dropping me off to someone's house to get drunk. That was simply not a thing for me and my friend circle.

Your kids will, for the most part, do what you allow and set boundaries for. If you remove no drinking as a boundary, well, yeah. They're going to do it. If you remove no drinking as an expectation, then you're just moving the goal post to even more extreme behavior.

Also, if you go with your attitude, and your teen gets an alcohol citation at a friend's house party that gets busted by the cops, and now they have to pay a fine or show up in court and they ask you, "But mom, you said it was ok if I drink. How come I'm in trouble with the police?" How do you respond?

You are creating a whole host of problems with this mindset and there's an inconsistency of logic that fundamentally undermines your authority as a parent.

I don’t have a problem with responsible social drinking. DC knows that drinking at DC’s age is against the law and that DC would be citated if caught by law enforcement. DC knows not to drink in vehicles, not to walk around town with alcohol and to toss it if law enforcement approach.

I drank at DC’s age and it hasn’t stopped me from pursuing anything in my life. I’m not undermining my authority since I’m permitting it.

DC hasn’t tried to move the goal post. We’ve discussed drugs - how druggies make them and you can’t verify what’s in them. That people are dying from drugs laced with fentanyl. DC is going on beach week, knows others who will likely take drugs, and has a plan to avoid or leave a situation where DC doesn’t feel comfortable. This is how parents teach their children to make responsible choices - talk about situations, consequences, and strategies to avoid.