Why do some parents let their kids throw boozy parties

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I guess many parents are going off their own experiences. I’m not sure where everyone was raised, but almost everyone in my high school drank alcohol. Our parents looked the other way and never discussed it with us. I drank every weekend in high school and college. I graduated with honors and now have a post doctoral level education.

I think it’s unrealistic for my social teen to never drink. For me, it was part of the high school experience. I have a different relationship with my teen and we discuss drinking, drugs, and sex. DC knows no drugs, no drinking and driving, and no sex with others that have been drinking. DC has boundaries with drinking and follows them. DC has called me and asked for a ride when DC had drank. DC knew not to drive home. DC knows it’s a crime to have sex with someone who is too intoxicated to give consent. DC tells friends not to do this as well.

FWIW, most of my friends attended great colleges and are now professionals. I don’t drink at all now.

So, people have to stop assuming their experiences or the experiences of their circles are universal.

I grew up in MCPS. I'm not going to say that I didn't hear about some teens who went to house parties and engaged in drinking, but I DID NOT because my parents did not allow me to indulge or engage in such behavior. They were not dropping me off to someone's house to get drunk. That was simply not a thing for me and my friend circle.

Your kids will, for the most part, do what you allow and set boundaries for. If you remove no drinking as a boundary, well, yeah. They're going to do it. If you remove no drinking as an expectation, then you're just moving the goal post to even more extreme behavior.

Also, if you go with your attitude, and your teen gets an alcohol citation at a friend's house party that gets busted by the cops, and now they have to pay a fine or show up in court and they ask you, "But mom, you said it was ok if I drink. How come I'm in trouble with the police?" How do you respond?

You are creating a whole host of problems with this mindset and there's an inconsistency of logic that fundamentally undermines your authority as a parent.

I don’t have a problem with responsible social drinking. DC knows that drinking at DC’s age is against the law and that DC would be citated if caught by law enforcement. DC knows not to drink in vehicles, not to walk around town with alcohol and to toss it if law enforcement approach.

I drank at DC’s age and it hasn’t stopped me from pursuing anything in my life. I’m not undermining my authority since I’m permitting it.

DC hasn’t tried to move the goal post. We’ve discussed drugs - how druggies make them and you can’t verify what’s in them. That people are dying from drugs laced with fentanyl. DC is going on beach week, knows others who will likely take drugs, and has a plan to avoid or leave a situation where DC doesn’t feel comfortable. This is how parents teach their children to make responsible choices - talk about situations, consequences, and strategies to avoid.

A lot of people grew up with their parents beating them as a form of discipline. As a society, in the U.S., we've collectively decided and enforce this expectation with law enforcement, that hitting your child is not the way forward. We do this despite the fact that it might have been done to us and we turned out "ok."

The fact that you drank in high school and as a teenager IS NOT a reason to indoctrinate your child in this destructive behavior. It is harmful, whether you choose to acknowledge it or not. And you failed to answer my question on how you will respond to your DC if or when they get arrested for this behavior that YOU told them was ok but the law says it's not. That point, which started this topic, because a classmate of the OP's kid got arrested for exactly this behavior.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I guess many parents are going off their own experiences. I’m not sure where everyone was raised, but almost everyone in my high school drank alcohol. Our parents looked the other way and never discussed it with us. I drank every weekend in high school and college. I graduated with honors and now have a post doctoral level education.

I think it’s unrealistic for my social teen to never drink. For me, it was part of the high school experience. I have a different relationship with my teen and we discuss drinking, drugs, and sex. DC knows no drugs, no drinking and driving, and no sex with others that have been drinking. DC has boundaries with drinking and follows them. DC has called me and asked for a ride when DC had drank. DC knew not to drive home. DC knows it’s a crime to have sex with someone who is too intoxicated to give consent. DC tells friends not to do this as well.

FWIW, most of my friends attended great colleges and are now professionals. I don’t drink at all now.

So, people have to stop assuming their experiences or the experiences of their circles are universal.

I grew up in MCPS. I'm not going to say that I didn't hear about some teens who went to house parties and engaged in drinking, but I DID NOT because my parents did not allow me to indulge or engage in such behavior. They were not dropping me off to someone's house to get drunk. That was simply not a thing for me and my friend circle.

Your kids will, for the most part, do what you allow and set boundaries for. If you remove no drinking as a boundary, well, yeah. They're going to do it. If you remove no drinking as an expectation, then you're just moving the goal post to even more extreme behavior.

Also, if you go with your attitude, and your teen gets an alcohol citation at a friend's house party that gets busted by the cops, and now they have to pay a fine or show up in court and they ask you, "But mom, you said it was ok if I drink. How come I'm in trouble with the police?" How do you respond?

You are creating a whole host of problems with this mindset and there's an inconsistency of logic that fundamentally undermines your authority as a parent.

I don’t have a problem with responsible social drinking. DC knows that drinking at DC’s age is against the law and that DC would be citated if caught by law enforcement. DC knows not to drink in vehicles, not to walk around town with alcohol and to toss it if law enforcement approach.

I drank at DC’s age and it hasn’t stopped me from pursuing anything in my life. I’m not undermining my authority since I’m permitting it.

DC hasn’t tried to move the goal post. We’ve discussed drugs - how druggies make them and you can’t verify what’s in them. That people are dying from drugs laced with fentanyl. DC is going on beach week, knows others who will likely take drugs, and has a plan to avoid or leave a situation where DC doesn’t feel comfortable. This is how parents teach their children to make responsible choices - talk about situations, consequences, and strategies to avoid.

A lot of people grew up with their parents beating them as a form of discipline. As a society, in the U.S., we've collectively decided and enforce this expectation with law enforcement, that hitting your child is not the way forward. We do this despite the fact that it might have been done to us and we turned out "ok."

The fact that you drank in high school and as a teenager IS NOT a reason to indoctrinate your child in this destructive behavior. It is harmful, whether you choose to acknowledge it or not. And you failed to answer my question on how you will respond to your DC if or when they get arrested for this behavior that YOU told them was ok but the law says it's not. That point, which started this topic, because a classmate of the OP's kid got arrested for exactly this behavior.

DC knows that the consequences of DC’s behavior could be a citation (teens generally are not arrested for a misdemeanor offense). I tell DC that it is against the law. DC wouldn’t ask me, because DC already knows that the action is in violation of a law.

FYI - people may still legally still spank their children. The legal standard for the right of parental discipline is shockingly high.

You seem to think drinking while a late teenager is very dangerous. It’s not. People DC’s age can go to war. My parents were permitted to drink at 18. Many countries around the world permit teens to drink. The fact that other parents permit this shows not everyone holds your beliefs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I guess many parents are going off their own experiences. I’m not sure where everyone was raised, but almost everyone in my high school drank alcohol. Our parents looked the other way and never discussed it with us. I drank every weekend in high school and college. I graduated with honors and now have a post doctoral level education.

I think it’s unrealistic for my social teen to never drink. For me, it was part of the high school experience. I have a different relationship with my teen and we discuss drinking, drugs, and sex. DC knows no drugs, no drinking and driving, and no sex with others that have been drinking. DC has boundaries with drinking and follows them. DC has called me and asked for a ride when DC had drank. DC knew not to drive home. DC knows it’s a crime to have sex with someone who is too intoxicated to give consent. DC tells friends not to do this as well.

FWIW, most of my friends attended great colleges and are now professionals. I don’t drink at all now.

So, people have to stop assuming their experiences or the experiences of their circles are universal.

I grew up in MCPS. I'm not going to say that I didn't hear about some teens who went to house parties and engaged in drinking, but I DID NOT because my parents did not allow me to indulge or engage in such behavior. They were not dropping me off to someone's house to get drunk. That was simply not a thing for me and my friend circle.

Your kids will, for the most part, do what you allow and set boundaries for. If you remove no drinking as a boundary, well, yeah. They're going to do it. If you remove no drinking as an expectation, then you're just moving the goal post to even more extreme behavior.

Also, if you go with your attitude, and your teen gets an alcohol citation at a friend's house party that gets busted by the cops, and now they have to pay a fine or show up in court and they ask you, "But mom, you said it was ok if I drink. How come I'm in trouble with the police?" How do you respond?

You are creating a whole host of problems with this mindset and there's an inconsistency of logic that fundamentally undermines your authority as a parent.

I don’t have a problem with responsible social drinking. DC knows that drinking at DC’s age is against the law and that DC would be citated if caught by law enforcement. DC knows not to drink in vehicles, not to walk around town with alcohol and to toss it if law enforcement approach.

I drank at DC’s age and it hasn’t stopped me from pursuing anything in my life. I’m not undermining my authority since I’m permitting it.

DC hasn’t tried to move the goal post. We’ve discussed drugs - how druggies make them and you can’t verify what’s in them. That people are dying from drugs laced with fentanyl. DC is going on beach week, knows others who will likely take drugs, and has a plan to avoid or leave a situation where DC doesn’t feel comfortable. This is how parents teach their children to make responsible choices - talk about situations, consequences, and strategies to avoid.

A lot of people grew up with their parents beating them as a form of discipline. As a society, in the U.S., we've collectively decided and enforce this expectation with law enforcement, that hitting your child is not the way forward. We do this despite the fact that it might have been done to us and we turned out "ok."

The fact that you drank in high school and as a teenager IS NOT a reason to indoctrinate your child in this destructive behavior. It is harmful, whether you choose to acknowledge it or not. And you failed to answer my question on how you will respond to your DC if or when they get arrested for this behavior that YOU told them was ok but the law says it's not. That point, which started this topic, because a classmate of the OP's kid got arrested for exactly this behavior.

DC knows that the consequences of DC’s behavior could be a citation (teens generally are not arrested for a misdemeanor offense). I tell DC that it is against the law. DC wouldn’t ask me, because DC already knows that the action is in violation of a law.

FYI - people may still legally still spank their children. The legal standard for the right of parental discipline is shockingly high.

You seem to think drinking while a late teenager is very dangerous. It’s not. People DC’s age can go to war. My parents were permitted to drink at 18. Many countries around the world permit teens to drink. The fact that other parents permit this shows not everyone holds your beliefs.

OP said the kid was arrested. I'm guessing they were arrested cause maybe it wasn't their first alcohol citation. So yes, arrest is a potential consequence of underage drinking, particularly if you're a repeat offender.

To be clear, I think underage drinking is not a good idea because the consequences are not worth the "benefits." Furthermore, I'm arguing most with people in here who are insisting that it is perfectly reasonable to turn a blind eye or encourage 15, 16 and 17 year-olds to drink because if they don't, they'll just do it otherwise. Or they think them doing it under their roof is better or letting them drink in high school will prevent them from drinking in college.

I have argued, repeatedly, even if you believe it is inevitable that underage drinking will happen, it is FAR better for it to happen at 18, 19 or 20 than 15, 16 and 17 as some posters in here are advocating.

I don't know what data or evidence you're standing on to conclude that drinking as a "late teen" is not dangerous. I also don't know how you're defining a "late teen" since again, many are ok with kids as young as 15 drinking.

Lastly, it's cute that you cite the drinking age of other countries. Last time I checked, we are bound by the laws of jurisdiction we reside in. So it's fine that the legal drinking age in Mexico is 18, but if you don't live in Mexico, you're bound to the legal age of 21. So what other countries' legal drinking age might be is completely irrelevant to what your kid will face will the police show up as they're expected to follow the laws of whatever city, county, state and country they reside. Not what's on the books in Bangladesh.