Why don't parents understand that their kids lie and/or misrepresent things?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The amount of parents here defending 12yr olds and accusing teachers of lying is disgusting.

When I was a kid, I had one teacher lie to get back at me for missing a few weeks of school after a death in my family. I'll never forget that she went out of her way to be cruel and trump up nonsense just because she was mad that I had missed her class. I ended up with detention for weeks for something I didn't do. We were all kids once, and remember that teachers can also be dishonest and sometimes petty.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The amount of parents here defending 12yr olds and accusing teachers of lying is disgusting.

Because we have literally experienced teachers/administrators (some in school, others in after care) lying to us. If you want parents to believe teachers then tell teachers/trusted adults to stop lying to parents about things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The amount of parents here defending 12yr olds and accusing teachers of lying is disgusting.

Either you don't have kids in MCPS or your children have had charmed lives in MCPS.

The overwhelming majority of teachers have been terrific. However, I've caught several teachers and even administrators misrepresenting facts where I had emails or screenshots showing what they were saying was false. One time, another parent witnessed what my child reported, but the teacher lied and said it never happened.

I won't say my children have never painted a picture to make themselves look better in a situation than they were, and when I've caught them, there have been consequences. However, it's hard for kids to learn integrity when their teachers don't model it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The amount of parents here defending 12yr olds and accusing teachers of lying is disgusting.

+1

Kids lie so much more. Yes, a few teachers here or there, but the majority of teachers should be respected and listened to.

I watched a kid flat out lie to the principal and even wrote up and entire thing on paper. All lies. The parents believed him. The police got involved and said the boy lied. The parents believed their son. I see so many more parents that straight up think their kids do no wrong. Kids will bury a hole deeper and deeper until they are given an ultimatum with parents and most parents don't ever do that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The amount of parents here defending 12yr olds and accusing teachers of lying is disgusting.

Either you don't have kids in MCPS or your children have had charmed lives in MCPS.

The overwhelming majority of teachers have been terrific. However, I've caught several teachers and even administrators misrepresenting facts where I had emails or screenshots showing what they were saying was false. One time, another parent witnessed what my child reported, but the teacher lied and said it never happened.

I won't say my children have never painted a picture to make themselves look better in a situation than they were, and when I've caught them, there have been consequences. However, it's hard for kids to learn integrity when their teachers don't model it.

Ok,Karen.

[Anonymous]

Let's be clear-- anyone and everyone is capable of misrepresenting things. Nobody is perfect.

Apples don't fall far from their trees.

[Anonymous]

To me the worst thing about this thread is this idea that students and teachers are in opposition and parents must “pick a side.” That’s a really unhealthy attitude about education.

Viewing that relationship as one of conflict, instead of trust/collaboration, likely drives students and teachers to lie, or at least massage the truth, more than they would otherwise.

Like others on this thread, I had a teacher lie about me to get me in trouble when I was a kid. She was definitely doing it in order to discredit me. I had been expressing frustration with questionable behavior on her part, and she knew if the admin believes me (I was being truthful, if a bit self-righteous), she’d get in trouble. So she manufactured something to make me sound bad.

What was terrifying to me at the time was how easily she did it, without really thinking how it would impact me. And what she perhaps didn’t know but should have at least considered us that I come from a strict family where my parents, upon learning this lie about me and of course believing it over my denials, punished me very harshly for it. I was just a kid and I had NO advocate or someone to protect me. This memory is very strong for me because that level of feeling powerless is brutal.

So if you are a teacher, or if you have the attitude that parents should ALWAYS believe teachers over kids, my suggestion to you is to take a step back and ask why the situation devolved to a conflict over “the truth” in the first place. And also remember that kids need advocates, they need people who will listen to them, and that it’s very easy for all the adults in a room to just decide what the kid has to say doesn’t matter.

Ideally all parties would look for ways to come together and work out conflicts without lying or needing to place blame. But I’m uncomfortable with the idea that if blame is placed, the kid is always on the receiving end and the teacher never is. It’s dangerous and can really harm kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The amount of parents here defending 12yr olds and accusing teachers of lying is disgusting.

Either you don't have kids in MCPS or your children have had charmed lives in MCPS.

The overwhelming majority of teachers have been terrific. However, I've caught several teachers and even administrators misrepresenting facts where I had emails or screenshots showing what they were saying was false. One time, another parent witnessed what my child reported, but the teacher lied and said it never happened.

I won't say my children have never painted a picture to make themselves look better in a situation than they were, and when I've caught them, there have been consequences. However, it's hard for kids to learn integrity when their teachers don't model it.

Agree. These things happen to most of us. My kids have mostly had excellent, dedicated teachers, but there have been a few bad ones too.

[Anonymous]

I'm curious what is is teachers get out of posting anonymously here to bash parents. It is not a good look for your profession, as you can see from the responses.

[Anonymous]

Last week, another teacher and I caught a student in a pretty big lie that relied on playing us off each other. He was genuinely surprised that we talked to each other instead of just believing him. Then, he was even more surprised he was in trouble “just for lying”.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As a teacher (and a parent), I am always surprised when a kid tells some story to their parents about what happened in class and the parent refuses to believe that what the kid said isn't true. First of all, kids perceive things differently because they feel like they are under a microscope, but also, kids lie. They lie to get out of trouble, avoid blame or work, and for tons of other weird reasons. A parent refusing to believe an adult who is partnering with them in their child's education is a betrayal. Public service announcement: your kid tells untruths. It's developmentally appropriate. You're not a bad parent when this happens.

+1,000

(parent, not a teacher)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a teacher (and a parent), I am always surprised when a kid tells some story to their parents about what happened in class and the parent refuses to believe that what the kid said isn't true. First of all, kids perceive things differently because they feel like they are under a microscope, but also, kids lie. They lie to get out of trouble, avoid blame or work, and for tons of other weird reasons. A parent refusing to believe an adult who is partnering with them in their child's education is a betrayal. Public service announcement: your kid tells untruths. It's developmentally appropriate. You're not a bad parent when this happens.

How did the conversation go OP? I used to teach and I know kids lie. But some MCPS teachers' communication skills are terrible. As an MCPS administrator said to me recently when a teacher got irrationally and unreasonably upset at something I said, perception is reality and if the hearer didn't understand the message correctly, it was the speaker's fault. You can't have it both ways...

What absolute crap.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The amount of parents here defending 12yr olds and accusing teachers of lying is disgusting.

Eyeroll emoji? Found one of the 12-year-olds.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:To me the worst thing about this thread is this idea that students and teachers are in opposition and parents must “pick a side.” That’s a really unhealthy attitude about education.

Viewing that relationship as one of conflict, instead of trust/collaboration, likely drives students and teachers to lie, or at least massage the truth, more than they would otherwise.

Like others on this thread, I had a teacher lie about me to get me in trouble when I was a kid. She was definitely doing it in order to discredit me. I had been expressing frustration with questionable behavior on her part, and she knew if the admin believes me (I was being truthful, if a bit self-righteous), she’d get in trouble. So she manufactured something to make me sound bad.

What was terrifying to me at the time was how easily she did it, without really thinking how it would impact me. And what she perhaps didn’t know but should have at least considered us that I come from a strict family where my parents, upon learning this lie about me and of course believing it over my denials, punished me very harshly for it. I was just a kid and I had NO advocate or someone to protect me. This memory is very strong for me because that level of feeling powerless is brutal.

So if you are a teacher, or if you have the attitude that parents should ALWAYS believe teachers over kids, my suggestion to you is to take a step back and ask why the situation devolved to a conflict over “the truth” in the first place. And also remember that kids need advocates, they need people who will listen to them, and that it’s very easy for all the adults in a room to just decide what the kid has to say doesn’t matter.

Ideally all parties would look for ways to come together and work out conflicts without lying or needing to place blame. But I’m uncomfortable with the idea that if blame is placed, the kid is always on the receiving end and the teacher never is. It’s dangerous and can really harm kids.

You can take the scare quotes off the truth, for the truth does indeed exist.

So many coddling, enabling parents. This country is doomed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm curious what is is teachers get out of posting anonymously here to bash parents. It is not a good look for your profession, as you can see from the responses.

No, the responses are predictable and are precisely what OP is talking about. Excuse after excuse after excuse for their perfect little angels who can do no wrong. Welcome to DCUM.