Urging child to invite family friend

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:it seems that no matter what we say, you want to invite your friend and her kid. So just admit that.

The kid and your kid are not friends. It makes no sense why you have to invite them. They're 10 not 4. I'd hate to be the 10 year old that has to hang with adults because they have no friends there. And I know you keep saying it is at a large venue, but there is still food and cake I assume? So they can sit with the table where no one talks to them, or better yet, the adults?

I think that would be worse for your friendship than not inviting. I'd be embarrassed when my kid doesn't talk to their kid. I don't know why you want to do this?

I do want to invite my friend but I haven’t and probably won’t since my child doesn’t want to.

The friend is more like a cousin than regular friend. I hang out with the mom more than all my other friends combined.

You are going to do what you are going to do and that is fine.

The kid is not like a cousin to your kid. Your kid does not want them at their birthday party. Your kid does not see the other kid as a friend or someone that he/she wants to play with.

I was excited to see my cousins and hang out with them. Granted, it meant flying across the country and a vacation but I liked hanging out with them and being with them. When we moved to where they lived I still saw them but we didn't hang out on a regular basis. They had their friends and lives and I built my own. I didn't invite them to my birthday gatherings and they didn't invite me to theirs. It was fine. I still talk to them and see them whenever I head out to visit that part of the country.

You keep tossing in these small things to make it sound like we should be all like "In that case.." First your kid doesn't want to invite kid X, then it was that the kid isn't cool, then it was the kid is kind of over weight, now its the kid is like a cousin.

Either you invite the kid, over your child's objection, and deal with a kid who is going to feel left out of the main party and your own kids being annoyed that the kid is there at all or you don't.

They are the closest thing we have got to extended family. Dh and I both grew up without extended family. My kids have no first cousins and second cousins are all overseas.

I genuinely care for my friend and her family. My child is being a jerk and I’m not pleased.

OP you think of these people as extended family but your kid clearly doesn’t. How often does your kid see this other kid?

[Anonymous]

How upset will your friend be if her kid isn’t invited? And is it worth that?

[Anonymous]

I tried the urging to invite everyone I thought needed to be in order to avoid any hurt feelings, despite my child's wishes. She said it is all too complicated and not enjoyable, so she no longer wants to have birthday parties at all.

[Anonymous]

Invite who your child wants to invite OP. Kids grow to really resent this kind of thing and it seems like your friendship needs to stand on its own now without the kids being friends. If it can’t withstand that it’s not a true friendship anyway.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:it seems that no matter what we say, you want to invite your friend and her kid. So just admit that.

The kid and your kid are not friends. It makes no sense why you have to invite them. They're 10 not 4. I'd hate to be the 10 year old that has to hang with adults because they have no friends there. And I know you keep saying it is at a large venue, but there is still food and cake I assume? So they can sit with the table where no one talks to them, or better yet, the adults?

I think that would be worse for your friendship than not inviting. I'd be embarrassed when my kid doesn't talk to their kid. I don't know why you want to do this?

I do want to invite my friend but I haven’t and probably won’t since my child doesn’t want to.

The friend is more like a cousin than regular friend. I hang out with the mom more than all my other friends combined.

This is not about you and the mom, it really doesn’t matter that the 2 of you are BFF, your kid and her kid are not and that is okay.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How upset will your friend be if her kid isn’t invited? And is it worth that?

I think my friend’s feelings will definitely be hurt but I don’t think she will be mad at me. I did not want to make it about special needs but the child has mild special needs. I think that is the main reason why our kids were never close. I am not sure how much this has to do with the special needs or cool factor or looks.

I want my child to be kind and inclusive. My child does hang out with the popular kids at school and some of those kids are definitely not kind.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:it seems that no matter what we say, you want to invite your friend and her kid. So just admit that.

The kid and your kid are not friends. It makes no sense why you have to invite them. They're 10 not 4. I'd hate to be the 10 year old that has to hang with adults because they have no friends there. And I know you keep saying it is at a large venue, but there is still food and cake I assume? So they can sit with the table where no one talks to them, or better yet, the adults?

I think that would be worse for your friendship than not inviting. I'd be embarrassed when my kid doesn't talk to their kid. I don't know why you want to do this?

I do want to invite my friend but I haven’t and probably won’t since my child doesn’t want to.

The friend is more like a cousin than regular friend. I hang out with the mom more than all my other friends combined.

You are going to do what you are going to do and that is fine.

The kid is not like a cousin to your kid. Your kid does not want them at their birthday party. Your kid does not see the other kid as a friend or someone that he/she wants to play with.

I was excited to see my cousins and hang out with them. Granted, it meant flying across the country and a vacation but I liked hanging out with them and being with them. When we moved to where they lived I still saw them but we didn't hang out on a regular basis. They had their friends and lives and I built my own. I didn't invite them to my birthday gatherings and they didn't invite me to theirs. It was fine. I still talk to them and see them whenever I head out to visit that part of the country.

You keep tossing in these small things to make it sound like we should be all like "In that case.." First your kid doesn't want to invite kid X, then it was that the kid isn't cool, then it was the kid is kind of over weight, now its the kid is like a cousin.

Either you invite the kid, over your child's objection, and deal with a kid who is going to feel left out of the main party and your own kids being annoyed that the kid is there at all or you don't.

They are the closest thing we have got to extended family. Dh and I both grew up without extended family. My kids have no first cousins and second cousins are all overseas.

I genuinely care for my friend and her family. My child is being a jerk and I’m not pleased.

Your child is not being a jerk. You told your child that they could invite who they wanted to their party. That list did not include this kid.

Now you are trying to get your child to include a child that they did not want to invite in the first place because it is important to you.

You see this family in a specific way but your child does not. None of this equates to your child being a jerk. It equates to your child saying they don't want this other kid at their party. You don't like their reasons but that is your issue not your child's issue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How upset will your friend be if her kid isn’t invited? And is it worth that?

I think my friend’s feelings will definitely be hurt but I don’t think she will be mad at me. I did not want to make it about special needs but the child has mild special needs. I think that is the main reason why our kids were never close. I am not sure how much this has to do with the special needs or cool factor or looks.

I want my child to be kind and inclusive. My child does hang out with the popular kids at school and some of those kids are definitely not kind.

So now we have, child doesn't want to invite the kid. Then it is because the kid is not cool. Then it is that the kid is slightly over weight. Then it is but the kid is like a cousin. Now we are adding on special needs and you want your child to be inclusive.

Either invite the child or don't but I doubt that the advice is going to change too much. Your child is 10 and did not include the friends kid on their list. You have asked your child to add the kid and your child has said no.

Your child is 10, there probably isn't that much of a popular kids or not group. DS is 10. He has a group of kids he hangs out with at recess, it sounds like upwards of 10 kids dependent on the day. There are days he plays kick ball, days he plays soccer, days he plays tag, and days he chats. Each group seems to be different. I don't bother labeling any of this because he is 10. He has not said that these kids are cool or these kids are popular. We also don't ask those questions because he is 10.

Your child is acting like a 10 year old. They invited the kids they wanted to their party. You want them to invite someone that they see on a regular basis, based on your description, and that they are not close to even though they see each other frequently. They are not cousins and they are not friends.

Either you invite the kid over your child's protest, which means a kid will likely to be excluded from activities with the other 10 year olds due to not knowing the other kids and your kid not wanting them there, or you don't, which means some hurt feelings with your friend. I would hope that the adults can understand that the kids are not friends regardless of how the parents feel about each other and be sad but fine with the situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How upset will your friend be if her kid isn’t invited? And is it worth that?

I think my friend’s feelings will definitely be hurt but I don’t think she will be mad at me. I did not want to make it about special needs but the child has mild special needs. I think that is the main reason why our kids were never close. I am not sure how much this has to do with the special needs or cool factor or looks.

I want my child to be kind and inclusive. My child does hang out with the popular kids at school and some of those kids are definitely not kind.

Have you posted before about your kid not wanting to hang out with this kid? This sounds familiar and, if so, you really need to let it go. My Mom pushed her best friend’s daughter on me and I hated it.

[Anonymous]

You are making this complicated and trying to give us every reading as to why you this child should be invited (it’s my friends kid, the kid is like a cousin, the kid is special needs, the kid has been to every bday party). Please keep in mind that this is your child’s bday, not yours. Looks like you all have every other opportunity to get together, so leaving the child out this time is ok. You don’t need a reason or excuse not to invite the kid. You can not force a relationship and your child is not mean or evil spirited for not inviting this child. You even said yourself that they are not close at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:it seems that no matter what we say, you want to invite your friend and her kid. So just admit that.

The kid and your kid are not friends. It makes no sense why you have to invite them. They're 10 not 4. I'd hate to be the 10 year old that has to hang with adults because they have no friends there. And I know you keep saying it is at a large venue, but there is still food and cake I assume? So they can sit with the table where no one talks to them, or better yet, the adults?

I think that would be worse for your friendship than not inviting. I'd be embarrassed when my kid doesn't talk to their kid. I don't know why you want to do this?

I do want to invite my friend but I haven’t and probably won’t since my child doesn’t want to.

The friend is more like a cousin than regular friend. I hang out with the mom more than all my other friends combined.

You are going to do what you are going to do and that is fine.

The kid is not like a cousin to your kid. Your kid does not want them at their birthday party. Your kid does not see the other kid as a friend or someone that he/she wants to play with.

I was excited to see my cousins and hang out with them. Granted, it meant flying across the country and a vacation but I liked hanging out with them and being with them. When we moved to where they lived I still saw them but we didn't hang out on a regular basis. They had their friends and lives and I built my own. I didn't invite them to my birthday gatherings and they didn't invite me to theirs. It was fine. I still talk to them and see them whenever I head out to visit that part of the country.

You keep tossing in these small things to make it sound like we should be all like "In that case.." First your kid doesn't want to invite kid X, then it was that the kid isn't cool, then it was the kid is kind of over weight, now its the kid is like a cousin.

Either you invite the kid, over your child's objection, and deal with a kid who is going to feel left out of the main party and your own kids being annoyed that the kid is there at all or you don't.

They are the closest thing we have got to extended family. Dh and I both grew up without extended family. My kids have no first cousins and second cousins are all overseas.

I genuinely care for my friend and her family. My child is being a jerk and I’m not pleased.

I think you are the jerk. This is not your birthday party.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How upset will your friend be if her kid isn’t invited? And is it worth that?

I think my friend’s feelings will definitely be hurt but I don’t think she will be mad at me. I did not want to make it about special needs but the child has mild special needs. I think that is the main reason why our kids were never close. I am not sure how much this has to do with the special needs or cool factor or looks.

I want my child to be kind and inclusive. My child does hang out with the popular kids at school and some of those kids are definitely not kind.

Have you posted before about your kid not wanting to hang out with this kid? This sounds familiar and, if so, you really need to let it go. My Mom pushed her best friend’s daughter on me and I hated it.

No, I have never posted about this kid before because we have always invited this child.

[Anonymous]

I would tell kid, invite or no party. Family is family and close friends are like family. Lead with kindness, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would tell kid, invite or no party. Family is family and close friends are like family. Lead with kindness, etc.

Excellent way to celebrate your kid’s birthday, if you don’t invite this kid that you are not friends with because I am friends with her mom, I’m not throwing you a party. Your adult friends do not become family to your kids just because of your adult friendship.

[Anonymous]

Yes I would invite.