Urging child to invite family friend

[Anonymous]

My child is having a birthday party at a large public venue with essentially no max headcount. We have a family friend we have invited to every single party every year. Mom is one of my closest friends. My child does not want to invite this family friend. I guess the family friend is not cool. I told my child it would be chaotic and it would be fine if family friend just hangs out with me even since it is a large venue. Kids are 10 years old. I know 10 is old enough to make your own guest list.

Would you just invite your family friend?

Think large venue like Dave and busters, zava zone, climbing zone type place where it will be crazy and chaotic.

[Anonymous]

I would honor DC’s wishes.

I am an inclusive person by nature and recently made my DD invite a classmate to her party. DD did not want to but I wanted to reach inclusion and be welcoming. The child was difficult and I regretted my decision.

May be a different situation here, but if your child is, say, 8 or older, they should be able to decide who is at their party.

[Anonymous]

No, I would not invite them. It’s time to let your kid make their own decisions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would honor DC’s wishes.

I am an inclusive person by nature and recently made my DD invite a classmate to her party. DD did not want to but I wanted to reach inclusion and be welcoming. The child was difficult and I regretted my decision.

May be a different situation here, but if your child is, say, 8 or older, they should be able to decide who is at their party.

I did the same PP. My DD did not want to invite a girl in her class and I just thought she was being exclusionary and turning into a mean girl. I invited the other girl who turned out to be a nightmare. She was mean and demeaning to my DD and told me after the party the cake seemed “cheap.” She said this as a 9 year old!! I was shocked by her behavior but my DD deals with it every day at school.

I learned my lesson!

[Anonymous]

I would just tell your DD it’s important and to suck it up.

[Anonymous]

Will the friend find out that you had a big party? Tell your DD to keep it quiet and do not post on social media.

[Anonymous]

Is this bday party for you or your DD?

[Anonymous]

I’d invite the family friends and like PP said, tell DD to suck it up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No, I would not invite them. It’s time to let your kid make their own decisions.

No, 10 year olds do not make their own decisions. It’s fine for them to choose their guest list and also for the parents to invite someone as well. I’d invite her. If it were a small party, I would feel differently.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No, I would not invite them. It’s time to let your kid make their own decisions.

No, 10 year olds do not make their own decisions. It’s fine for them to choose their guest list and also for the parents to invite someone as well. I’d invite her. If it were a small party, I would feel differently.

OP here. This is exactly it. This is a large venue, not some intimate party. This may be the last large venue and I want to invite the family friend.

[Anonymous]

I agree with PP that if it were a small party, I wouldn’t force the issue - but it’s not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No, I would not invite them. It’s time to let your kid make their own decisions.

No, 10 year olds do not make their own decisions. It’s fine for them to choose their guest list and also for the parents to invite someone as well. I’d invite her. If it were a small party, I would feel differently.

OP here. This is exactly it. This is a large venue, not some intimate party. This may be the last large venue and I want to invite the family friend.

Do you know the dynamic between your kid and friend’s kid? Have they had a falling out, or an incident between them? I wouldn’t force my 10 year to include someone at their birthday that they have had a falling out with or something transpired between them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No, I would not invite them. It’s time to let your kid make their own decisions.

No, 10 year olds do not make their own decisions. It’s fine for them to choose their guest list and also for the parents to invite someone as well. I’d invite her. If it were a small party, I would feel differently.

OP here. This is exactly it. This is a large venue, not some intimate party. This may be the last large venue and I want to invite the family friend.

Do you know the dynamic between your kid and friend’s kid? Have they had a falling out, or an incident between them? I wouldn’t force my 10 year to include someone at their birthday that they have had a falling out with or something transpired between them.

There was no falling out. They were never close. The mom and I are close and so are Dh and the dad. I guess the family friend is not cool. Family friend is slightly overweight, not that it should matter at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No, I would not invite them. It’s time to let your kid make their own decisions.

No, 10 year olds do not make their own decisions. It’s fine for them to choose their guest list and also for the parents to invite someone as well. I’d invite her. If it were a small party, I would feel differently.

OP here. This is exactly it. This is a large venue, not some intimate party. This may be the last large venue and I want to invite the family friend.

Do you know the dynamic between your kid and friend’s kid? Have they had a falling out, or an incident between them? I wouldn’t force my 10 year to include someone at their birthday that they have had a falling out with or something transpired between them.

There was no falling out. They were never close. The mom and I are close and so are Dh and the dad. I guess the family friend is not cool. Family friend is slightly overweight, not that it should matter at all.

10 is the age where making your kid include someone that you admit they have never been close with is going to lead to resistance from your kid. Your friend realizes the kids aren’t friends, right? At some point you will have to rip the bandaid off this because even if you have a small party at your home next year you’ll have to tell your friend why her kid isn’t invited unless you plan on forcing this into eternity. Does the friends kid even want to go? By age 10 going to a party where they don’t know/aren’t friends with the other kids would have gotten a hard pass from my kids. Are you and your friend in the cycle of forcing the kids to do things like this even though the kids would be perfectly fine not being forced together?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No, I would not invite them. It’s time to let your kid make their own decisions.

No, 10 year olds do not make their own decisions. It’s fine for them to choose their guest list and also for the parents to invite someone as well. I’d invite her. If it were a small party, I would feel differently.

OP here. This is exactly it. This is a large venue, not some intimate party. This may be the last large venue and I want to invite the family friend.

Do you know the dynamic between your kid and friend’s kid? Have they had a falling out, or an incident between them? I wouldn’t force my 10 year to include someone at their birthday that they have had a falling out with or something transpired between them.

There was no falling out. They were never close. The mom and I are close and so are Dh and the dad. I guess the family friend is not cool. Family friend is slightly overweight, not that it should matter at all.

What does that mean that the girl is "not cool"? Are those your words or your child's words? And who brought up the issue of the girl's weight?

I don't think a child should be required to invite someone because they are related to a friend of yours, but you might want to thick about your child's values and how they treat people with different interests. If your child is rejecting this other child because she isn't "cool" (whatever that means) and/or because of her weight, you are raising a mean girl and that needs to be addressed.