Is 14 too young for gf/bf?

[Anonymous]

Our 14 year old just went on his first “date.” We live in a walkable small town/suburb—so they walked all over and went to Starbucks. Seems fine to me. They don’t go to school together and mostly just text (have been texting for six months).

I think it’s good for him, she’s pretty outspoken and it’s good for him to hear a female perspective.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Parents please parent! There is no need to start dating at 14!!!

That’s not the question. The question is whether there’s a need to actively stop 14-year-olds from dating. And there’s not.

Sure there is. That’s too young to handle the emotional ups and down of a romantic relationship.

+1

You didn't date when you were 14?

[Anonymous]

OP here. Right now they’re hanging out with his little sister and her friend in the kitchen. The gf is flirting with him by telling his sister funny stories about him. He got back at them by letting out a huge burp. They’re all laughing hysterically.

I think I’m ok with this. It’s not what I expected. They’re not trying to sneak off to make out, thank god.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Right now they’re hanging out with his little sister and her friend in the kitchen. The gf is flirting with him by telling his sister funny stories about him. He got back at them by letting out a huge burp. They’re all laughing hysterically.

I think I’m ok with this. It’s not what I expected. They’re not trying to sneak off to make out, thank god.

Are you sure they are even bf/gf? Maybe they are just friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Right now they’re hanging out with his little sister and her friend in the kitchen. The gf is flirting with him by telling his sister funny stories about him. He got back at them by letting out a huge burp. They’re all laughing hysterically.

I think I’m ok with this. It’s not what I expected. They’re not trying to sneak off to make out, thank god.

Are you sure they are even bf/gf? Maybe they are just friends.

Nah, that sounds like pretty typical bf/gf behavior for a lot of 13-14 year olds.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Parents please parent! There is no need to start dating at 14!!!

That’s not the question. The question is whether there’s a need to actively stop 14-year-olds from dating. And there’s not.

Sure there is. That’s too young to handle the emotional ups and down of a romantic relationship.

As opposed to when they’re 16 and starting to have more serious relationships?

Correct. 16 isn’t 14.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Parents please parent! There is no need to start dating at 14!!!

That’s not the question. The question is whether there’s a need to actively stop 14-year-olds from dating. And there’s not.

Sure there is. That’s too young to handle the emotional ups and down of a romantic relationship.

+1

You didn't date when you were 14?

I wasn’t allowed to date until I was 16. I had group dates at that age, first boyfriend at 17.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Parents please parent! There is no need to start dating at 14!!!

That’s not the question. The question is whether there’s a need to actively stop 14-year-olds from dating. And there’s not.

Sure there is. That’s too young to handle the emotional ups and down of a romantic relationship.

+1

You didn't date when you were 14?

I didn't either, what's the big deal?

[Anonymous]

Lol at all the parents that think they can forbid dating until a certain age. My 8th grader has several friends at her catholic school who are dating but not telling their parents about it and sneaking around because 'they are not allowed'. I would rather my 14 year old was open about it and we can discuss boundaries etc and get to know who they are hanging out with. I would have no problem for my 8th grader to 'date' someone if I knew them and they stuck to public places like coffee shops or our house when we are home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Right now they’re hanging out with his little sister and her friend in the kitchen. The gf is flirting with him by telling his sister funny stories about him. He got back at them by letting out a huge burp. They’re all laughing hysterically.

I think I’m ok with this. It’s not what I expected. They’re not trying to sneak off to make out, thank god.

Are you sure they are even bf/gf? Maybe they are just friends.

Nah, that sounds like pretty typical bf/gf behavior for a lot of 13-14 year olds.

This. I feel like so many of the posters here don’t have current experience with 13-14 year olds. What OP described is what 14 year olds “dating” looks like for the vast majority of kids. Yes, there are outliers, but hanging out and flirting is what it largely looks like. So many people here need to take a deep breath and unclench.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Lol at all the parents that think they can forbid dating until a certain age. My 8th grader has several friends at her catholic school who are dating but not telling their parents about it and sneaking around because 'they are not allowed'. I would rather my 14 year old was open about it and we can discuss boundaries etc and get to know who they are hanging out with. I would have no problem for my 8th grader to 'date' someone if I knew them and they stuck to public places like coffee shops or our house when we are home.

Exactly. Also when you let them hang out at your house with your family you get to see the dynamic between the 2 of them and make sure it’s healthy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Lol at all the parents that think they can forbid dating until a certain age. My 8th grader has several friends at her catholic school who are dating but not telling their parents about it and sneaking around because 'they are not allowed'. I would rather my 14 year old was open about it and we can discuss boundaries etc and get to know who they are hanging out with. I would have no problem for my 8th grader to 'date' someone if I knew them and they stuck to public places like coffee shops or our house when we are home.

And yet neither of my two teens are dating before they are 16, so I guess it’s working?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Getting into a relationship at 14 was developmentally normal when kids then got married at 18 or 20. Now, there is no developmental need or benefit to being in a relationship at 14. Fouteen year olds don't need relationship experiences.

I wouldn't invite her over. They can go to a coffee shop or hang out at lunch at school.

That’s absurd, they can meet up at a coffee shop but they can’t hang out at your house?

Thats right. If they can fnd a few minutes and do the work to be together for a short amout of time in a public place - good for them. What I won't do is enable or encourage a serious relationship by inviting them to spend extended amounts of time alone together in a home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Getting into a relationship at 14 was developmentally normal when kids then got married at 18 or 20. Now, there is no developmental need or benefit to being in a relationship at 14. Fouteen year olds don't need relationship experiences.

I wouldn't invite her over. They can go to a coffee shop or hang out at lunch at school.

That’s absurd, they can meet up at a coffee shop but they can’t hang out at your house?

Thats right. If they can fnd a few minutes and do the work to be together for a short amout of time in a public place - good for them. What I won't do is enable or encourage a serious relationship by inviting them to spend extended amounts of time alone together in a home.

No one said leaving them alone in your house was the option. How is walking around and going to a coffee shop, where incidentally they can detour through a park to make out or whatever, better than them hanging out at your house with your family around?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Parents please parent! There is no need to start dating at 14!!!

That’s not the question. The question is whether there’s a need to actively stop 14-year-olds from dating. And there’s not.

What sort of parenting have you been doing that you’re terrified of your 14-year-old dating?

Apparently very good parenting. There is no need to have kids start dating at 14 - it only leads to negative outcomes.

Huh? Freshmen in high school or even eighth graders “dating” is totally developmentally appropriate. It doesn’t “only” lead to negative outcomes. Yeesh some of you are insanely controlling.