When do you allow your teen/tween to date?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think our approach will be much like it was for screen time: more about managing the content than drawing bright lines. Do the dynamics seem healthy? What are they doing together, and alone or in groups? Etc. I think it’s hard to completely control things like dating once a kid hits the teens, so I’d rather focus on trying to be a helpful guide here to offer advice on how to interact in a relationship.

But to be 100% honest, my daughter’s gay and I’m less worried about dating for that reason. I would worry about hetero teen sex because I’ve seen the statistics on how many girls say their first sexual experience was a negative one. Not that girls are perfect, but I feel like assault/rape/pressure/whatever is much less of a concern.

Definitely educate yourself on LGBTQ abusive relationships. While they are similar to hetero ones, they are special dynamics and things you should look out for to try to educate and protect your daughter

[Anonymous]

I would say high school (so 14) is probably old enough for most kids, with limits. 16 for dates where they are driving or being picked up.

I was in some uncomfortable situations when "dating" at 13. I would not allow it in middle school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would say high school (so 14) is probably old enough for most kids, with limits. 16 for dates where they are driving or being picked up.

I was in some uncomfortable situations when "dating" at 13. I would not allow it in middle school.

So my son dated a girl who was not allowed to date in middle school. She had his name in her phone as a female friend and deleted texts he sent her as well. They met up at school and after school in groups. I did not know this girl's parents.

You're really much better off having an open dialogue with your kids so that you can talk to them about potential uncomfortable situations and how to handle things.

[Anonymous]

16.

It’s really because my boys are socially immature, and this gave them an out for not being interested in dating earlier.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would say high school (so 14) is probably old enough for most kids, with limits. 16 for dates where they are driving or being picked up.

I was in some uncomfortable situations when "dating" at 13. I would not allow it in middle school.

So my son dated a girl who was not allowed to date in middle school. She had his name in her phone as a female friend and deleted texts he sent her as well. They met up at school and after school in groups. I did not know this girl's parents.

You're really much better off having an open dialogue with your kids so that you can talk to them about potential uncomfortable situations and how to handle things.

The open conversation is so critical!

Among other issues, parents of boys need to not only talk about use of condoms, and make them available (just place a few boxes under the sink).

Girls too (other than lesbian girls) need to understand their importance, not only for pregnancy protection but disease protection too. And make them available to her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would say high school (so 14) is probably old enough for most kids, with limits. 16 for dates where they are driving or being picked up.

I was in some uncomfortable situations when "dating" at 13. I would not allow it in middle school.

So my son dated a girl who was not allowed to date in middle school. She had his name in her phone as a female friend and deleted texts he sent her as well. They met up at school and after school in groups. I did not know this girl's parents.

You're really much better off having an open dialogue with your kids so that you can talk to them about potential uncomfortable situations and how to handle things.

This is a different poster, but so what? My daughter and I are not the Gilmore Girls. I don’t need to know all of the ins and outs of her teenage social life. My job is to set the rules. Hers is to mostly follow them, but to push against them and break them sometimes.

You should have told you son not to see this girl behind her parent’s back, them called the girl’s parents to tell them what’s going on. You’re the grownup here. You could have handled this better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would say high school (so 14) is probably old enough for most kids, with limits. 16 for dates where they are driving or being picked up.

I was in some uncomfortable situations when "dating" at 13. I would not allow it in middle school.

So my son dated a girl who was not allowed to date in middle school. She had his name in her phone as a female friend and deleted texts he sent her as well. They met up at school and after school in groups. I did not know this girl's parents.

You're really much better off having an open dialogue with your kids so that you can talk to them about potential uncomfortable situations and how to handle things.

This is a different poster, but so what? My daughter and I are not the Gilmore Girls. I don’t need to know all of the ins and outs of her teenage social life. My job is to set the rules. Hers is to mostly follow them, but to push against them and break them sometimes.

You should have told you son not to see this girl behind her parent’s back, them called the girl’s parents to tell them what’s going on. You’re the grownup here. You could have handled this better.

You parent how you want to parent.

It is not my job to tell a parent I've never met that their kid is sneaking around. That would have completely violated my own child's trust, something that I would do only if I find out serious or life-altering information about someone's health and well-being. Sorry someone's daughter sneaking around and "dating" in middle school is not that. Figure it out for yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would say high school (so 14) is probably old enough for most kids, with limits. 16 for dates where they are driving or being picked up.

I was in some uncomfortable situations when "dating" at 13. I would not allow it in middle school.

So my son dated a girl who was not allowed to date in middle school. She had his name in her phone as a female friend and deleted texts he sent her as well. They met up at school and after school in groups. I did not know this girl's parents.

You're really much better off having an open dialogue with your kids so that you can talk to them about potential uncomfortable situations and how to handle things.

This is a different poster, but so what? My daughter and I are not the Gilmore Girls. I don’t need to know all of the ins and outs of her teenage social life. My job is to set the rules. Hers is to mostly follow them, but to push against them and break them sometimes.

You should have told you son not to see this girl behind her parent’s back, them called the girl’s parents to tell them what’s going on. You’re the grownup here. You could have handled this better.

So your job is to set the rules and have no idea what's actually going on and other parent's job is to clue you in. Got it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:16.

It’s really because my boys are socially immature, and this gave them an out for not being interested in dating earlier.

H E L I C O P T E R

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would say high school (so 14) is probably old enough for most kids, with limits. 16 for dates where they are driving or being picked up.

I was in some uncomfortable situations when "dating" at 13. I would not allow it in middle school.

So my son dated a girl who was not allowed to date in middle school. She had his name in her phone as a female friend and deleted texts he sent her as well. They met up at school and after school in groups. I did not know this girl's parents.

You're really much better off having an open dialogue with your kids so that you can talk to them about potential uncomfortable situations and how to handle things.

This is a different poster, but so what? My daughter and I are not the Gilmore Girls. I don’t need to know all of the ins and outs of her teenage social life. My job is to set the rules. Hers is to mostly follow them, but to push against them and break them sometimes.

You should have told you son not to see this girl behind her parent’s back, them called the girl’s parents to tell them what’s going on. You’re the grownup here. You could have handled this better.

Um no way. It is not the parents job to inform anyone anything. I can not believe you are serious. I know all of my daughter’s friends well and who can’t be around boys, can’t date, have rules etc… They ALL break them. Sometimes even around me. It’s not my job to snitch on someone. “Um hi this is _ mom and I heard from my daughter that yours can’t be around boys but there was 2 in my car today coming home from the mall.”

Give me a break

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would say high school (so 14) is probably old enough for most kids, with limits. 16 for dates where they are driving or being picked up.

I was in some uncomfortable situations when "dating" at 13. I would not allow it in middle school.

So my son dated a girl who was not allowed to date in middle school. She had his name in her phone as a female friend and deleted texts he sent her as well. They met up at school and after school in groups. I did not know this girl's parents.

You're really much better off having an open dialogue with your kids so that you can talk to them about potential uncomfortable situations and how to handle things.

The open conversation is so critical!

Among other issues, parents of boys need to not only talk about use of condoms, and make them available (just place a few boxes under the sink).

Girls too (other than lesbian girls) need to understand their importance, not only for pregnancy protection but disease protection too. And make them available to her.

Lesbians need to have STD protection AND pregnancy protection. Most straight girls experiment - and gay girls do too

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would say high school (so 14) is probably old enough for most kids, with limits. 16 for dates where they are driving or being picked up.

I was in some uncomfortable situations when "dating" at 13. I would not allow it in middle school.

So my son dated a girl who was not allowed to date in middle school. She had his name in her phone as a female friend and deleted texts he sent her as well. They met up at school and after school in groups. I did not know this girl's parents.

You're really much better off having an open dialogue with your kids so that you can talk to them about potential uncomfortable situations and how to handle things.

This is a different poster, but so what? My daughter and I are not the Gilmore Girls. I don’t need to know all of the ins and outs of her teenage social life. My job is to set the rules. Hers is to mostly follow them, but to push against them and break them sometimes.

You should have told you son not to see this girl behind her parent’s back, them called the girl’s parents to tell them what’s going on. You’re the grownup here. You could have handled this better.

You parent how you want to parent.

It is not my job to tell a parent I've never met that their kid is sneaking around. That would have completely violated my own child's trust, something that I would do only if I find out serious or life-altering information about someone's health and well-being. Sorry someone's daughter sneaking around and "dating" in middle school is not that. Figure it out for yourself.

100% agree. My kids talk a lot to me. A lot of my kid’s friends talk to me too. They are open and trust me. I am not going to break the trust of my own kids by ratting out a trivial thing as middle school dating. I am always the mom that drives 4-6 middle schoolers at a time and they talk non stop like I am an Uber. I got so much tea. I laugh as I think about how awkward this age is. But unless there is a safety issue, I will not be contacting parents. And I am darn sure to stay out of the manipulative mom engineers who all gossip to each other and decide their kid’s friendships. So no mommy friends here. I have my own.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would say high school (so 14) is probably old enough for most kids, with limits. 16 for dates where they are driving or being picked up.

I was in some uncomfortable situations when "dating" at 13. I would not allow it in middle school.

So my son dated a girl who was not allowed to date in middle school. She had his name in her phone as a female friend and deleted texts he sent her as well. They met up at school and after school in groups. I did not know this girl's parents.

You're really much better off having an open dialogue with your kids so that you can talk to them about potential uncomfortable situations and how to handle things.

This is a different poster, but so what? My daughter and I are not the Gilmore Girls. I don’t need to know all of the ins and outs of her teenage social life. My job is to set the rules. Hers is to mostly follow them, but to push against them and break them sometimes.

You should have told you son not to see this girl behind her parent’s back, them called the girl’s parents to tell them what’s going on. You’re the grownup here. You could have handled this better.

Um no way. It is not the parents job to inform anyone anything. I can not believe you are serious. I know all of my daughter’s friends well and who can’t be around boys, can’t date, have rules etc… They ALL break them. Sometimes even around me. It’s not my job to snitch on someone. “Um hi this is _ mom and I heard from my daughter that yours can’t be around boys but there was 2 in my car today coming home from the mall.”

Give me a break

Yes. It is.
“Hey. Your mom told me that you aren’t supposed to be dating. What you do on you own isn’t my business, but if I see you kissing your boyfriend in the back of my car again, I’m going to have to tell her about it.”

That’s what an adult does.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would say high school (so 14) is probably old enough for most kids, with limits. 16 for dates where they are driving or being picked up.

I was in some uncomfortable situations when "dating" at 13. I would not allow it in middle school.

So my son dated a girl who was not allowed to date in middle school. She had his name in her phone as a female friend and deleted texts he sent her as well. They met up at school and after school in groups. I did not know this girl's parents.

You're really much better off having an open dialogue with your kids so that you can talk to them about potential uncomfortable situations and how to handle things.

This is a different poster, but so what? My daughter and I are not the Gilmore Girls. I don’t need to know all of the ins and outs of her teenage social life. My job is to set the rules. Hers is to mostly follow them, but to push against them and break them sometimes.

You should have told you son not to see this girl behind her parent’s back, them called the girl’s parents to tell them what’s going on. You’re the grownup here. You could have handled this better.

You parent how you want to parent.

It is not my job to tell a parent I've never met that their kid is sneaking around. That would have completely violated my own child's trust, something that I would do only if I find out serious or life-altering information about someone's health and well-being. Sorry someone's daughter sneaking around and "dating" in middle school is not that. Figure it out for yourself.

100% agree. My kids talk a lot to me. A lot of my kid’s friends talk to me too. They are open and trust me. I am not going to break the trust of my own kids by ratting out a trivial thing as middle school dating. I am always the mom that drives 4-6 middle schoolers at a time and they talk non stop like I am an Uber. I got so much tea. I laugh as I think about how awkward this age is. But unless there is a safety issue, I will not be contacting parents. And I am darn sure to stay out of the manipulative mom engineers who all gossip to each other and decide their kid’s friendships. So no mommy friends here. I have my own.

Oh. So you’re Amy Piglet’s character in “Mean Girls?”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would say high school (so 14) is probably old enough for most kids, with limits. 16 for dates where they are driving or being picked up.

I was in some uncomfortable situations when "dating" at 13. I would not allow it in middle school.

So my son dated a girl who was not allowed to date in middle school. She had his name in her phone as a female friend and deleted texts he sent her as well. They met up at school and after school in groups. I did not know this girl's parents.

You're really much better off having an open dialogue with your kids so that you can talk to them about potential uncomfortable situations and how to handle things.

This is a different poster, but so what? My daughter and I are not the Gilmore Girls. I don’t need to know all of the ins and outs of her teenage social life. My job is to set the rules. Hers is to mostly follow them, but to push against them and break them sometimes.

You should have told you son not to see this girl behind her parent’s back, them called the girl’s parents to tell them what’s going on. You’re the grownup here. You could have handled this better.

Um no way. It is not the parents job to inform anyone anything. I can not believe you are serious. I know all of my daughter’s friends well and who can’t be around boys, can’t date, have rules etc… They ALL break them. Sometimes even around me. It’s not my job to snitch on someone. “Um hi this is _ mom and I heard from my daughter that yours can’t be around boys but there was 2 in my car today coming home from the mall.”

Give me a break

Yes. It is.
“Hey. Your mom told me that you aren’t supposed to be dating. What you do on you own isn’t my business, but if I see you kissing your boyfriend in the back of my car again, I’m going to have to tell her about it.”

That’s what an adult does.

Ummm who said anything about dating and kissing? LOL. Just having the opposite sex in a carpool is a no no for one girl. The only reason I know is because my daughter confided in me. Otherwise I would be clueless. So no, my job is to not judge, gossip, or rat out other kids on something my daughter confided in me about . If you want that much control of your kid, contact me personally and say no boys in any carpool in your car with my daughter. Then I would tell that parent to take their daughter themselves. THAT is what adults do