When do you allow your teen/tween to date?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:16 assuming actually date. And I do meet parents, make the kid feel welcome at my house for meals, homework, etc. Hopefully give them a safe place to hang out together, so there's no sneaking around.

How the heck do you “meet the parents”?

You tell the kid your son/daughter is dating that you want to meeting his/her parents. Or to be introduced at the next event (assuming they met each other through school or an activity).
I also get the boyfriend/girlfriend's phone number.

Why? The first time my parents met parents of the person I was dating was after I was engaged. It seems a little much to be doing this in high school.

To OP, it depends and we don’t have any set rules. My middle schooler regularly goes out with large groups of boys and girls together. She regularly talks about boys but doesn’t say anyone is dating anyone. They all go out as friends.

My high schooler never did any of that. If my 15 year old wanted to go on a date, out in a group date or out with a big group as friends we would be fine with it. The rules would be the same as anything else. We would discuss where they are going, times and transportation plans. Basically am I driving anywhere.

[Anonymous]

I think our approach will be much like it was for screen time: more about managing the content than drawing bright lines. Do the dynamics seem healthy? What are they doing together, and alone or in groups? Etc. I think it’s hard to completely control things like dating once a kid hits the teens, so I’d rather focus on trying to be a helpful guide here to offer advice on how to interact in a relationship.

But to be 100% honest, my daughter’s gay and I’m less worried about dating for that reason. I would worry about hetero teen sex because I’ve seen the statistics on how many girls say their first sexual experience was a negative one. Not that girls are perfect, but I feel like assault/rape/pressure/whatever is much less of a concern.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think our approach will be much like it was for screen time: more about managing the content than drawing bright lines. Do the dynamics seem healthy? What are they doing together, and alone or in groups? Etc. I think it’s hard to completely control things like dating once a kid hits the teens, so I’d rather focus on trying to be a helpful guide here to offer advice on how to interact in a relationship.

But to be 100% honest, my daughter’s gay and I’m less worried about dating for that reason. I would worry about hetero teen sex because I’ve seen the statistics on how many girls say their first sexual experience was a negative one. Not that girls are perfect, but I feel like assault/rape/pressure/whatever is much less of a concern.

Problem my daughter had was relationships were sneaky because they didn't want to tell their parents. She is a senior in college and has been in 3 relationships - 1 a year, two for 4 years, and another going on 9 months. Only one that came out was the second one after a year and it took another year for them even to accept it and it was never positive in that way. And all 3 girls had liberal families. So that part sucks.

[Anonymous]

7-8th grade was our okay and that was on group outings or hanging out at the house with us here. 100% of my daughter's friends who were not allowed to date did anyway. Most used clubs after school to hang out one on one, or said they were going to the mall with friends and met the boy there etc...

They are going to do it whether you like it or not. I mean weren't you all teens? Forbidden is the best

[Anonymous]

My son started dating at 13. It mostly involved going to Starbucks or playing sports or doing volunteer hours together.

[Anonymous]

I don’t understand how these parents are imposing these restrictions. I found out my 14 year old has a girl friend because one of his friends was indiscreet during car pool. I think they talk on the phone and text. They might meet up at the mall or Starbucks once or twice. I met her because she came to a small party he had. But otherwise what am I going to do? Block her number from his phone?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t understand how these parents are imposing these restrictions. I found out my 14 year old has a girl friend because one of his friends was indiscreet during car pool. I think they talk on the phone and text. They might meet up at the mall or Starbucks once or twice. I met her because she came to a small party he had. But otherwise what am I going to do? Block her number from his phone?

+1 agreed - it's not in my nature to stop my kids from dating and I couldn't really stop it if I wanted to. I agree with PP that said they want to make sure the relationship is healthy and the kid seems normal and doesn't let it interfere with regular life.

[Anonymous]

For the young kid type of innocent "dating", it's OK. But I think what OP worries is the type of dating that involves sex. When would you instruct/recommend/guide your teen as a good/appropriate time for a "dating" with sexual act?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For the young kid type of innocent "dating", it's OK. But I think what OP worries is the type of dating that involves sex. When would you instruct/recommend/guide your teen as a good/appropriate time for a "dating" with sexual act?

2nd base = 15
3rd base = 16
HR = 17

I mean Jesus - STOP OVER PARENTING

You give sound advice about self respect, consent, understanding the relationship might change for the worse immediately following, etc… and then they decide, not the parent. You ask your teen to come to you for birth control no questions asked if needed.

This is not rocket science.

[Anonymous]

The premise of your question is that “dating” is something parents will know is happening. It’s not. Teenagers don’t “ go on dates” Where the guy picks the girl up and meet the parents etc. They have a person they like, they text/snap/FaceTime this person more than other people, they hang out after school, they’re paired up when they’re out with friends etc. anyone who thinks they can create a rule around dating doesn’t understand teenage social life. I agree with all former posters that it’s all about good communication, giving your kids the tools to navigate safe and healthy relationships, being a friendly homebase for your kid and for friends who come by (who they may or may not be dating). And I will say it is hard to see your kids step out into the world in this new way, you know they may get hurt by someone. Or hurt someone else. And it will be a really big deal to them because these are huge feelings to have for the first time. But it’s part of growing up and can be a great part of growing up.

[Anonymous]

I always encouraged my dds to not date because girls need to learn more about themselves first before they find a person to date. Girls usually submit to pleasing boys and I want yo avoid that. My girls had dates but never a serious boyfriend

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No dating until they are away at college.

+1

[Anonymous]

I allowed it when my kids started doing it so that they would tell me what's going on.

My son started dating in middle school and it was all very mild. Group outings. Texting. Some phone calls.

If you tell them they can't, they are still doing it by the way. My son tells me this. So good luck with that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No dating until they are away at college.

+1

…that you ‘know’ of

[Anonymous]

The same rule as I had in the stone ages (the 80s): When she has her drivers license and can drive herself to meet the date and can easily leave if she needs to.