Cheap gifts from family members

[Anonymous]

If it makes you feel better, give that family member $20 gifts too.

Donate the cheap gifts you don't like. Someone else may appreciate it. My cleaning lady is the recipient of all of the ross and homegoods gifts my MIL gets me that I don't have the room for or don't like.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Small gifts are the norm in my family. I don't think anyone on my side of the family has given a birthday or christmas gift worth more than $30 ever. And it isn't a financial issue, most of us are very well off. The point of the gift is to give a token and acknowledgement. It was weird to me to marry into my husband's family where they exchange multiple expensive gifts...which just seems so inefficient to me. Gift giving traditions vary, it isn't a sign of disrespect.

You are right, but I guess my issue with it is that it’s aggravating to receive a cheap gift which is either useless or breaks after a few uses, and deal with it.

I don’t mind a $15/20/30 gift card or cash. The kids can save and buy something bigger. For bdays and holidays, I buy their gift cards if they are from multiple places so they can get some they like.

I personally don’t go out of my way to make the gift $15. If I see something that costs $22, and it’s a better fit, I get it. When the kids are young it’s easier to spend ~$20 and get a nice gift, but as they grow older it’s just not possible. We have another cousin that does low price gifts, but they are usually very well thought out, ex a book that the child would enjoy and read and reread.

I know I can give the same lame gifts back, but it takes more time for me to do that.

Cheap gifts are also a burden on the environment. Think of all those broken plastic pieces and the pollution they cause.

The point is, why give something you know is garbage and will be trashed?

The point is: why are you not opening your mouth and asking to establish a no-gifts policy with this family member?

[Anonymous]

I think the amount is fine personally. Bit if it’s obviously a regift that irks me. I try and either do a gift card or ask parent what a kid would like and go that. I don’t just send a random gift.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That's plenty for a child.

+1 I have two teens. The vast majority of their toys were played with a handful of times. As they get older, the gifts become more expensive.

[Anonymous]

$20 is perfectly fine for casual gifts. Not everyone has unlimited money or the same priorities and it can add up quickly.

[Anonymous]

Gifts are annoying, especially between higher income people. All of the children/cousins on DH’s side (our children included) live a privileged UMC life. Exchanging gifts just feels silly and performative.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s obvious that all you haters give crappy gifts.

A $20 bar soap is a very nice gift actually. But a $20 set of plates, is definitely garbage.

I give great gifts, and I love it. But because I understand that People Are Different From Me, I recognize and accept that I'm not going to "get as good as I give," and I keep it moving. Because my intention is to give something that will bring joy and show appreciation and celebration, my intention is not to keep score or "come out even" or "win."

You tried it, though.

What makes you so certain you give “great gifts”? I have a friend who feels she is a great gift giver but it’s stuff no one wants (like a $20 bar of soap….wut?)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s obvious that all you haters give crappy gifts.

A $20 bar soap is a very nice gift actually. But a $20 set of plates, is definitely garbage.

I give great gifts, and I love it. But because I understand that People Are Different From Me, I recognize and accept that I'm not going to "get as good as I give," and I keep it moving. Because my intention is to give something that will bring joy and show appreciation and celebration, my intention is not to keep score or "come out even" or "win."

You tried it, though.

What makes you so certain you give “great gifts”? I have a friend who feels she is a great gift giver but it’s stuff no one wants (like a $20 bar of soap….wut?)

Op here. Not the poster above.

I actually give gift cards or cash to older kids, and actual items to younger kids.

Just because I do it this way doesn’t mean it’s the way, but I am aware that $20 don’t get you far for older kids. So, if they have enough gift cards from a large retailer (target/Amazon / etc) they can get a nicer gift for themselves.

A $20 soap is nice for a person liking soap. I think that’s a nice gift if thoughtfully chosen. You can always put a nice smelling good soap in your drawers. If you don’t know what the person likes, a gift card covers all angles. Honestly, I’d rather receive no gift. When my kids were little and received a crappy gift, which would often look promising, I’d have to deal with the disappointment.

I do teach my kids that it is what it is, to get over it and move on. They know now.

And not all people listen if you say no gifts. Some have a tradition that they follow, ex. Must give a gift no matter what, and they’ll do that no matter what you say.

To all the obnoxious poster who are ‘calling me out’: you know you give lousy gifts. Don’t be mad. You’re the ones giving them.

[Anonymous]

Ps. I never give a gift without a gift receipt. So if the gift is not appreciated it can be returned.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s obvious that all you haters give crappy gifts.

A $20 bar soap is a very nice gift actually. But a $20 set of plates, is definitely garbage.

I give great gifts, and I love it. But because I understand that People Are Different From Me, I recognize and accept that I'm not going to "get as good as I give," and I keep it moving. Because my intention is to give something that will bring joy and show appreciation and celebration, my intention is not to keep score or "come out even" or "win."

You tried it, though.

What makes you so certain you give “great gifts”? I have a friend who feels she is a great gift giver but it’s stuff no one wants (like a $20 bar of soap….wut?)

Because I tend to get pictures of kids playing with or wearing the stuff I sent (I always ask for a list), or my sister will tell me which of the cheeses was her favorite (she has a cheese blog), or I get thank you notes, etc. I always ask for a list, and if one is provided, I shop from that. I also remember things like my mom's favorite flowers, my mom and dad's favorite restaurant, and if MIL mentions something in passing (she's good at dropping hints), I make a note and take that into account when DH is ready to order something for his parents. I also pay attention to what brands my friends wear/shops they frequent, and get gift cards accordingly. I shop from our teachers' Amazon wish lists. I read gift guides in magazines, and often something will remind me of a friend or family member.

I'm glad I could clear that up for you. Do you have any other questions for me?

[Anonymous]

OP, it sounds like your relative wants to keep a lid on gift giving because they already have everything they need and the gifts are just symbolic and cementing connection at this point.

They would probably be relieved if you put some sort of cap on your gifts as well. It doesn't have to be $19.99 or anything, but stop going overboard.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s obvious that all you haters give crappy gifts.

A $20 bar soap is a very nice gift actually. But a $20 set of plates, is definitely garbage.

I give great gifts, and I love it. But because I understand that People Are Different From Me, I recognize and accept that I'm not going to "get as good as I give," and I keep it moving. Because my intention is to give something that will bring joy and show appreciation and celebration, my intention is not to keep score or "come out even" or "win."

You tried it, though.

What makes you so certain you give “great gifts”? I have a friend who feels she is a great gift giver but it’s stuff no one wants (like a $20 bar of soap….wut?)

Op here. Not the poster above.

I actually give gift cards or cash to older kids, and actual items to younger kids.

Just because I do it this way doesn’t mean it’s the way, but I am aware that $20 don’t get you far for older kids. So, if they have enough gift cards from a large retailer (target/Amazon / etc) they can get a nicer gift for themselves.

A $20 soap is nice for a person liking soap. I think that’s a nice gift if thoughtfully chosen. You can always put a nice smelling good soap in your drawers. If you don’t know what the person likes, a gift card covers all angles. Honestly, I’d rather receive no gift. When my kids were little and received a crappy gift, which would often look promising, I’d have to deal with the disappointment.

I do teach my kids that it is what it is, to get over it and move on. They know now.

And not all people listen if you say no gifts. Some have a tradition that they follow, ex. Must give a gift no matter what, and they’ll do that no matter what you say.

To all the obnoxious poster who are ‘calling me out’: you know you give lousy gifts. Don’t be mad. You’re the ones giving them.

Stay mad!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s obvious that all you haters give crappy gifts.

A $20 bar soap is a very nice gift actually. But a $20 set of plates, is definitely garbage.

I give great gifts, and I love it. But because I understand that People Are Different From Me, I recognize and accept that I'm not going to "get as good as I give," and I keep it moving. Because my intention is to give something that will bring joy and show appreciation and celebration, my intention is not to keep score or "come out even" or "win."

You tried it, though.

What makes you so certain you give “great gifts”? I have a friend who feels she is a great gift giver but it’s stuff no one wants (like a $20 bar of soap….wut?)

Because I tend to get pictures of kids playing with or wearing the stuff I sent (I always ask for a list), or my sister will tell me which of the cheeses was her favorite (she has a cheese blog), or I get thank you notes, etc. I always ask for a list, and if one is provided, I shop from that. I also remember things like my mom's favorite flowers, my mom and dad's favorite restaurant, and if MIL mentions something in passing (she's good at dropping hints), I make a note and take that into account when DH is ready to order something for his parents. I also pay attention to what brands my friends wear/shops they frequent, and get gift cards accordingly. I shop from our teachers' Amazon wish lists. I read gift guides in magazines, and often something will remind me of a friend or family member.

I'm glad I could clear that up for you. Do you have any other questions for me?

So, the recipients are polite and you think you give amazing gifts? You do sound quite full of yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s obvious that all you haters give crappy gifts.

A $20 bar soap is a very nice gift actually. But a $20 set of plates, is definitely garbage.

I give great gifts, and I love it. But because I understand that People Are Different From Me, I recognize and accept that I'm not going to "get as good as I give," and I keep it moving. Because my intention is to give something that will bring joy and show appreciation and celebration, my intention is not to keep score or "come out even" or "win."

You tried it, though.

What makes you so certain you give “great gifts”? I have a friend who feels she is a great gift giver but it’s stuff no one wants (like a $20 bar of soap….wut?)

Op here. Not the poster above.

I actually give gift cards or cash to older kids, and actual items to younger kids.

Just because I do it this way doesn’t mean it’s the way, but I am aware that $20 don’t get you far for older kids. So, if they have enough gift cards from a large retailer (target/Amazon / etc) they can get a nicer gift for themselves.

A $20 soap is nice for a person liking soap. I think that’s a nice gift if thoughtfully chosen. You can always put a nice smelling good soap in your drawers. If you don’t know what the person likes, a gift card covers all angles. Honestly, I’d rather receive no gift. When my kids were little and received a crappy gift, which would often look promising, I’d have to deal with the disappointment.

I do teach my kids that it is what it is, to get over it and move on. They know now.

And not all people listen if you say no gifts. Some have a tradition that they follow, ex. Must give a gift no matter what, and they’ll do that no matter what you say.

To all the obnoxious poster who are ‘calling me out’: you know you give lousy gifts. Don’t be mad. You’re the ones giving them.

You give gift cards or cash and feel that is thoughtful? I agree that is what older kids want but that takes like no effort. That isn't a "great gift" that took much time and effort. I'm shocked that's what you give and posted about how others are such terrible gift givers. Do you want gift cards in return then? Like just swap gift cards and what is the point of that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s obvious that all you haters give crappy gifts.

A $20 bar soap is a very nice gift actually. But a $20 set of plates, is definitely garbage.

I give great gifts, and I love it. But because I understand that People Are Different From Me, I recognize and accept that I'm not going to "get as good as I give," and I keep it moving. Because my intention is to give something that will bring joy and show appreciation and celebration, my intention is not to keep score or "come out even" or "win."

You tried it, though.

What makes you so certain you give “great gifts”? I have a friend who feels she is a great gift giver but it’s stuff no one wants (like a $20 bar of soap….wut?)

Op here. Not the poster above.

I actually give gift cards or cash to older kids, and actual items to younger kids.

Just because I do it this way doesn’t mean it’s the way, but I am aware that $20 don’t get you far for older kids. So, if they have enough gift cards from a large retailer (target/Amazon / etc) they can get a nicer gift for themselves.

A $20 soap is nice for a person liking soap. I think that’s a nice gift if thoughtfully chosen. You can always put a nice smelling good soap in your drawers. If you don’t know what the person likes, a gift card covers all angles. Honestly, I’d rather receive no gift. When my kids were little and received a crappy gift, which would often look promising, I’d have to deal with the disappointment.

I do teach my kids that it is what it is, to get over it and move on. They know now.

And not all people listen if you say no gifts. Some have a tradition that they follow, ex. Must give a gift no matter what, and they’ll do that no matter what you say.

To all the obnoxious poster who are ‘calling me out’: you know you give lousy gifts. Don’t be mad. You’re the ones giving them.

You give gift cards or cash and feel that is thoughtful? I agree that is what older kids want but that takes like no effort. That isn't a "great gift" that took much time and effort. I'm shocked that's what you give and posted about how others are such terrible gift givers. Do you want gift cards in return then? Like just swap gift cards and what is the point of that?

Do you know how to read? I said for older kids.

If i know the kid likes a certain thing I’ll do that, but if I have no idea, how can I guess? Just send over some random junk?

I also added that I don’t send gifts wo a gift receipt. To allow for the recipient to not like the gift. Do you think your gifts are amazing and shall never be returned?