Cheap gifts from family members

[Anonymous]

I'm another one who hates this gift exchange stuff. I love getting presents for my kids and for my nieces and nephews (all are under age 10 and it's fun to buy gifts for kids IMO). However, I hate it when adults give me gifts (unless they just want to give me some cash that is fine ). But I really do hate it even if it's a nice gift. Because then I feel this sense of obligation to get them something equally as nice and it stresses me out. I'm generous w/ my time and my money (I give a lot to charitable causes and I'll spend a lot on experiences--trips, outings, planning fun birthday parties for my kids, etc.) but I do NOT like to spend a lot on material items. And I really don't like feeling like I have to get someone something bc they got me something. So when someone gives me a gift, no matter how nice it is, I am cringing thinking about how now I have to go get them something. It's a chore.

All of you saying you're a "great gift giver" that may be true but consider that the recipients of these "great gifts" may not enjoy receiving gifts like you think they do. They might be like me and cringe inside when they receive a gift, even if the gift itself is lovely. And don't assume you know that they love it. I put on a good show and write very nice thank you notes to people who give me gifts. Still, I hate receiving them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I like sending out nice gifts to family. Nothing crazy, but more than what we’d send to kids’ friends’ Bdays.

One specific family member always brings $20 max gifts, without a receipt and sometimes they seem like regifts.

Now I know that I shouldn’t be presumptuous with other peoples money, bc they don’t have to, but it feels disrespectful, and it really annoys me, because I know for sure it’s not an affordability issue.

This is more of a vent, but is it common?

I remember many years ago when I had my first job, which didn't pay a lot, that I knitted a cable knit sweater for my boyfriend for Christmas. Woodward and Lothrop (Woodies) would teach knitting if you purchased a certain amount of yarn from them. I started this sweater in July and went two days a week after work and on Saturday to knit this sweater for him

I finished it right after Thanksgiving and I couldn't wait to give it to him. He didn't react the way I had hoped when he opened it and said "You are so cheap that you didn't even spend money on me. I can't believe you gave me a homemade present." I started crying and grabbed it back and broke up with him on the spot.

Obviously, he was a first class jerk but my point is that when you receive a gift, be gracious. I suspect that you would have the same reaction he had if you received a "homemade" gift.

The Curse of the Boyfriend Sweater is well known

(but also yes, a class A jerk and I hope you kept the sweater and got lots of good use out of it PP!)

I gave it to my brother and it endeared me to him forever. Sadly, he died in his late 30's but I still have a photo of him wearing it and it makes me happy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I prefer consumable gifts like nice chocolates, fine tea or coffee beans, milled soaps, etc. I don't like gifting bric a brac etc.

I once heard this described as gifts that would be gone in a year. Soaps and candles are nice if you know the recipient enjoys those, same with something like a nice orchid or bromeliad. Bottles of a great wine or spirits that you think might be appreciated work too.

Most of us do not need more "stuff".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:$20 is not bad. My mother often buys my kids stuff at Dollar Tree which often breaks within a few uses. Then they are really upset because its a present and we spend a lot of time crazy gluing the bits back together. I try to steer her towards experiences but she likes getting them junk for us to toss.

I’d love junk. Breaking after a few uses is golden. Toss! Even better if it breaks before we get home. Trash! The more expensive gifts last longer. More gifts, more clutter. Count your blessings.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:$20 is not bad. My mother often buys my kids stuff at Dollar Tree which often breaks within a few uses. Then they are really upset because its a present and we spend a lot of time crazy gluing the bits back together. I try to steer her towards experiences but she likes getting them junk for us to toss.

I’d love junk. Breaking after a few uses is golden. Toss! Even better if it breaks before we get home. Trash! The more expensive gifts last longer. More gifts, more clutter. Count your blessings.

Yes, but junk just adds to landfill clutter. A plant at least cleans the air and decomposes.

[Anonymous]

I hate hate hate gifts. I hate shopping for them, stressing about picking the right one, I hate receiving them, I hate the idea of picking the wrong gift that would then be a waste of time, effort, and money and then a burden on the recipient to unload it, I hate how it is driven by consumerism and is horrible for the planet, both in terms of creating the demand for the junk and then it eventually going to landfill, I hate how it fills up our house with stuff we don't need, I hate all the packaging waste that it creates, and pollution from delivering them, and I hate shopping in general - I rarely online shop or shop in the store - I have everything I need! And most of all I hate the feeling of obligation and burden of returning the favor when someone picks out a nice gift for me, because it is so hard for me to plan, decide, and find a gift within the timeframe allotted without feeling like I'm contributing to the climate crisis, or wasting too much of my mental energy on something that I hate doing.

BUT - I still give them, receive them as graciously as I can, because I don't want to be judged as THAT person, and that makes me feel even worse, because I care so much about what people think to speak up more for myself and the earth.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Gifts are annoying, especially between higher income people. All of the children/cousins on DH’s side (our children included) live a privileged UMC life. Exchanging gifts just feels silly and performative.

I’m of this mindset too

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Gifts are annoying, especially between higher income people. All of the children/cousins on DH’s side (our children included) live a privileged UMC life. Exchanging gifts just feels silly and performative.

I’m of this mindset too

completely agree. How about picking a charity and everyone can just donate to it or just make donations in eachother's honor or just skip gifts and enjoy eachother. No need for the performance. Pretty sure every major religious person from the bible would scoff at how far away from real values we have gotten. The same autie who gossips and creates drama is giving out fancy gifts trying to show she is generous.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s obvious that all you haters give crappy gifts.

A $20 bar soap is a very nice gift actually. But a $20 set of plates, is definitely garbage.

No a bar of soap is not a gift and yes it appears cheap

I know people like you and you honestly believe that people know the bar of soap costs $20 and are impressed. they aren’t

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Count yourself fortunate. I have a sibling who would collect free swag (like keychains, pens, note pads) from business conventions all year. Then she'd put a bunch of them in a box, wrap them up in nice paper and a bow, and expected you to admire her thriftiness and thank her for her thoughtfulness.

Wow. This is really bad. What’s next, a box of the free tiny shampoos from the hotel?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s obvious that all you haters give crappy gifts.

A $20 bar soap is a very nice gift actually. But a $20 set of plates, is definitely garbage.

No a bar of soap is not a gift and yes it appears cheap

I know people like you and you honestly believe that people know the bar of soap costs $20 and are impressed. they aren’t

Also, $20 soap inevitably stinks and is full of little bits of stuff that scrape your skin if you actually deign to use it.

Please, take your $20, fold it neatly into the shape of an elegant swan, and donate it to some worthy cause. No one wants your fancy soap.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s obvious that all you haters give crappy gifts.

A $20 bar soap is a very nice gift actually. But a $20 set of plates, is definitely garbage.

No a bar of soap is not a gift and yes it appears cheap

I know people like you and you honestly believe that people know the bar of soap costs $20 and are impressed. they aren’t

It’s a nice gift for ppl who like soap.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s obvious that all you haters give crappy gifts.

A $20 bar soap is a very nice gift actually. But a $20 set of plates, is definitely garbage.

No a bar of soap is not a gift and yes it appears cheap

I know people like you and you honestly believe that people know the bar of soap costs $20 and are impressed. they aren’t

It’s a nice gift for ppl who like soap.

It really isn't.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s obvious that all you haters give crappy gifts.

A $20 bar soap is a very nice gift actually. But a $20 set of plates, is definitely garbage.

No a bar of soap is not a gift and yes it appears cheap

I know people like you and you honestly believe that people know the bar of soap costs $20 and are impressed. they aren’t

It’s a nice gift for ppl who like soap.

It really isn't.

Ok.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You like sending out nice gifts, your family member doesn't. You seem to think that you are right and the family member is wrong. You're wrong about that.

This 100%