Dropping out at CMU.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have him checked for ADHD. I should've at that age but didn't and kept thinking I'm not trying hard enough. I did manage to finish medical school on time and decent grades but years of insecurity took a toll.

How is it that your ADHD became apparent in college but not K-12?

Also, CMU is hard. Even smart kids without ADHD can find it hard and stressful. Why must people jump to ADHD even when there is zero evidence of it.

OP here. DS does not have ADHD. Computer Engineering @CMU is just super hard.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DS had a very hard time academically at CMU last year; however, he decided to give it a try by coming back this year. Based on the past two weeks, he feels like it is going to get much harder and he will not make it. Today is the last day to drop classes for a full refund. He wants to take off at least this semester to decide what he will do next, possibly transfer to a state school in Virginia. He admitted that CMU is a difficult place to succeed even when he spends at least 70 hours a week to study and it is effecting his mental health.

Anyone with kids dropping out of CMU recently?

Totally let him do whatever works for him. His mental health is more important. He is a smart kud, who'll find something where his hard work makes him happy and successful.

OP here. DS just confirmed that he cancelled all of his classes for this semester and going home once he can find someone to take over his lease. He will take off this semester and is looking into transfer. He still wants to major in Computer Engineering at another university.

Good for him. I am certain he can transfer to another program with an environment that is more healthy for him. He will do well in the end!!

OP here.  Thank you for your kind words.

DS has two cousins, same age, who were not accepted by CMU and are currently attending UVA Computer Engineering major.  They are very happy at UVA, and have plenty of time for socializing there.  That's one of the destinations that DS is looking into.  The other is VT. 

I told him his well being is the most important thing and that I support him wherever he decides to end up.

OP, just want to throw in another word of encouragement! It's great your son is making the right choices for his own mental health and looking for a school that will suit his needs. He can get an excellent education in CS at a less stressful school for sure.

I'm an alum from a school similar to CMU and while I have no regrets about my time there I do think the intensity can constrain what non-genius students achieve. For example, a friend and I both opted out of theoretical classes (math for me, physics for her) because our school was SO intense, especially for the "non-marketable" classes that we felt too stupid to participate. If we'd been at different schools we might have gotten a better grounding in those fields, even if we had stuck with our respective engineering majors. Hope he's able to transfer and enjoy the rest of his college experience!

[Anonymous]

Is it a particular course or two in CS? Or all are very challenging? Just curious since DD is applying to CM

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DS had a very hard time academically at CMU last year; however, he decided to give it a try by coming back this year. Based on the past two weeks, he feels like it is going to get much harder and he will not make it. Today is the last day to drop classes for a full refund. He wants to take off at least this semester to decide what he will do next, possibly transfer to a state school in Virginia. He admitted that CMU is a difficult place to succeed even when he spends at least 70 hours a week to study and it is effecting his mental health.

Anyone with kids dropping out of CMU recently?

Totally let him do whatever works for him. His mental health is more important. He is a smart kud, who'll find something where his hard work makes him happy and successful.

OP here. DS just confirmed that he cancelled all of his classes for this semester and going home once he can find someone to take over his lease. He will take off this semester and is looking into transfer. He still wants to major in Computer Engineering at another university.

Good for him! Mental health is more important. There are plenty of other great universities to get a Comp Eng degree from that are not as much of a pressure cooker. The fact he is doing all of this himself tells you he's got a plan. Better to do it now than when his mental health has deteriorated more and he is imobilized with anxiety/depression and cannot make those decisions.

This is what parents do not realize with the elite universities---these kids have spend MS onward prepping under pressure to get into the elite school, then when they get there the competition is still fierce. Because the top 5% at your HS (or less) is who are surrounding you in classes. Everyone is elite and driven. Your kid will struggle for the first time in their life (if they haven't previously). It doesn't have to be this way. You can find a great school with strong engineering program that would be a "bit easier" for a student who managed to get into CMU initially. then your son can focus on actually learning and getting joy from what he's studying. Not every school is a pressure cooker, yet amazingly kids from Non-pressure cooker schools still graduate, get great jobs and go on to lead successful lives.

[Anonymous]

Just wanted to offer words of support and encouragement…my DS turned down a more prestigious pressure cooker school in favor of a large public university with more collegial, less stressful vibe. He was thrilled to be at the big football game this weekend vs studying.

Your son gave it try and it’s not a good fit. It’s ok and best he recognize now and enjoy the remainder of his college years.

[Anonymous]

Dear OP, the fact that your kid got into CE at CMU means he is crazy smart. His journey is going to be a little longer than anticipated but how mature of him to recognize what is best! He 100% will be successful and kudos to him for taking ownership of his happiness.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s a nerdy, soulless place and really only good for a small fraction of people. Walk down Forbes Ave, immediately adjacent to Pitt & CMU dorms — you’ll 100% be able to spot which school the kid attends.

Clearly you have zero clue

CMU has an extremely high retention rate. Fact

[Anonymous]

I work in CE, and trust me it doesn’t need to be this hard. The jobs aren’t rocket science. Good for your son for recognizing what he wants out of school. I applaud him. He’ll be just fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I work in CE, and trust me it doesn’t need to be this hard. The jobs aren’t rocket science. Good for your son for recognizing what he wants out of school. I applaud him. He’ll be just fine.

i

+100

Coding for over 30 years and the hardest assignments ever were the arcane ones my profs came up with. Found my MIS classes in the business school to be much more useful. Then again, I’m not a lover of low level programming.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s a nerdy, soulless place and really only good for a small fraction of people. Walk down Forbes Ave, immediately adjacent to Pitt & CMU dorms — you’ll 100% be able to spot which school the kid attends.

Clearly you have zero clue
CMU has an extremely high retention rate. Fact

Your “fact” does not prove your premise nor disprove pp’s. The two can and do coexist (a soulless place and whatever retention rate you keep harping on).
I’m from Pittsburgh and know many many CMU & Pitt students/grads.

[Anonymous]

Op you sound like you have such a great son. It really takes a reflective, mature kid to accept that something is not the right fit, know you’ll be ok, and walk away before it gets to rock bottom. Especially with the pressure most kids today feel it really says a lot about him to be able to do this and I truly think he’s going to end up a better adult because of it. “Failing” (I don’t see it that way, but you know what i mean) and then figuring it out and ending up ok (great!) helps you grow so much.

I hope my son is as in tune with himself and his limits as yours when he gets to that age. Great job mom!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s a nerdy, soulless place and really only good for a small fraction of people. Walk down Forbes Ave, immediately adjacent to Pitt & CMU dorms — you’ll 100% be able to spot which school the kid attends.

Clearly you have zero clue

CMU has an extremely high retention rate. Fact

The PP mentioned nothing about retention rate.
Just that "It’s a nerdy, soulless place and really only good for a small fraction of people. " And compared to neighboring Pitt you can easily spot the CMU vs Pitt kids. Which was very true when I attended CMU for graduate school. These are largely ultra focused, highly driven, many without much social life outside of studying, because you simply don't have time for it if you are in STEM/CS/ENG. Majority of kids I've known who have attended are not overly enthralled with their experience. Sure they may stay, Because it's an awesome education. But it's a pressure cooker, no way around it

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have him checked for ADHD. I should've at that age but didn't and kept thinking I'm not trying hard enough. I did manage to finish medical school on time and decent grades but years of insecurity took a toll.

How is it that your ADHD became apparent in college but not K-12?

Also, CMU is hard. Even smart kids without ADHD can find it hard and stressful. Why must people jump to ADHD even when there is zero evidence of it.

Not the PP but my DD was just diagnosed this summer and is a sophomore. The structure of HS was fine for her. She thrived and had straight As and got into a top school. Got to school as a freshman and the wheels came off. She could not organize herself. Missed classes, missed exams and assignments. Totally shocked at what was going on as she is a very high achieving kid. Ended the year with barely a 3.0 gpa. Made some big changes including her diagnosis and getting some accommodations and meds, and hoping things go better this year. So yes, it can and does happen to make it that far without it being diagnosed or even identified as a possible concern.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have him checked for ADHD. I should've at that age but didn't and kept thinking I'm not trying hard enough. I did manage to finish medical school on time and decent grades but years of insecurity took a toll.

How is it that your ADHD became apparent in college but not K-12?

Also, CMU is hard. Even smart kids without ADHD can find it hard and stressful. Why must people jump to ADHD even when there is zero evidence of it.

Not the PP but my DD was just diagnosed this summer and is a sophomore. The structure of HS was fine for her. She thrived and had straight As and got into a top school. Got to school as a freshman and the wheels came off. She could not organize herself. Missed classes, missed exams and assignments. Totally shocked at what was going on as she is a very high achieving kid. Ended the year with barely a 3.0 gpa. Made some big changes including her diagnosis and getting some accommodations and meds, and hoping things go better this year. So yes, it can and does happen to make it that far without it being diagnosed or even identified as a possible concern.

was she in public HS? what cluster?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have him checked for ADHD. I should've at that age but didn't and kept thinking I'm not trying hard enough. I did manage to finish medical school on time and decent grades but years of insecurity took a toll.

How is it that your ADHD became apparent in college but not K-12?

Also, CMU is hard. Even smart kids without ADHD can find it hard and stressful. Why must people jump to ADHD even when there is zero evidence of it.

Not the PP but my DD was just diagnosed this summer and is a sophomore. The structure of HS was fine for her. She thrived and had straight As and got into a top school. Got to school as a freshman and the wheels came off. She could not organize herself. Missed classes, missed exams and assignments. Totally shocked at what was going on as she is a very high achieving kid. Ended the year with barely a 3.0 gpa. Made some big changes including her diagnosis and getting some accommodations and meds, and hoping things go better this year. So yes, it can and does happen to make it that far without it being diagnosed or even identified as a possible concern.

was she in public HS? what cluster?

Not sure why it matters, but LCPS. No one ever had any clue, perfect student, great recommendations, lots of friends, literally no reason to suspect any issues.