Do Asian elders typically go to nursing homes?

[Anonymous]

Imo, it depends on how traditional the family is. The traditional model is to have the husband's parents live with the family, and they age in place until the parents have to go to a nursing home/hospice. Typically, the parents will pay a good chunk of the down payment.

I have three sets of cousins that are in that arrangement, and I have not seen resentment from the wives. They expected it. They treat it like something taken for granted.
I'm not saying it's easy, but I have not seen resentment. YMMV.

Otherwise, the parents age in place until they can't anymore. I have some aunts/uncles like this as well.

Assisted living is generally skipped because of language and cultural barriers. Expensive. Hard to make friends. Meh about the activities. Don't know the songs. Don't like the food.

More Americanized parents will more willingly accept independent living/assisted living facilities. YMMV.

[Anonymous]

Hmm, interesting idea. I think the "Asian way" is also idealized. In the Asian country I lived in, there were swathes of towns that contained just the elderly and the very young. Once the very young grew older, they would leave too. They would maybe send back money for the elderly, who would be left alone and maybe visited once a year. This isn't true for everywhere but this leaves millions of elderly living this lonely experience without the "western" fallback of facilities for them.

[Anonymous]

Yes, very much so.
Tons of nursing homes in Japan.

[Anonymous]

That's true. Everyone's life situation is going to be different, and traditional family structures are breaking down in many places in Asia.

Just like the American dream is to have a house with two married parents and kids. Well, not everyone can afford a house. Not everyone wants kids. Plenty of single parent households. Every situation will be different.

In many parts of Asia having 3 generations living under one roof is not considered unusual, and is somewhat idealized. The immigrants from those countries will have a higher chance of accepting the idea of living with parents or in laws.

In America, living with your parents or in laws just sounds weird, and to many people it's a signal that something went wrong.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In my experience, no. Usually, the biggest problem is food. My Indian grandmother never ate American food, even though she lived in this country for years. To put her in a nursing home where she would suddenly be served food she's never eaten before would be a huge shock, and downright cruel, imo. Maybe if there had been Indian nursing homes in the area, that would have been an option? But there weren't any, so we kept her with us.

There are in areas with large Indian populations - Houston, Chicago, LA, Florida, New Jersey, New York

They are relatively new and have mixed reviews.

[Anonymous]

I don't understand why in this day and age someone would start a post about "Asian elders." There is no "Asian" culture; there are 48 separate countries with over 4.7 billion people, something like two-thirds of the world's population, with many hundreds if not thousands of distinct cultures. It's so reductionist, if not outright racist, to generalize about "Asian elders" and how they're treated compared to elders in the U.S. (which oh by the way also has hundreds of ethnic groups and cultures).

I feel like there's a new troll on this board determined to criticize anyone in the U.S. whose ageing parents don't come to live with them or who talks about how hard it is to deal with and care for ageing parents. Maybe the OP is that troll, maybe not, but let's not have a romantic, dreamy view that "if only we were like 'the Asians' our eldercare problems would magically disappear."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand why in this day and age someone would start a post about "Asian elders." There is no "Asian" culture; there are 48 separate countries with over 4.7 billion people, something like two-thirds of the world's population, with many hundreds if not thousands of distinct cultures. It's so reductionist, if not outright racist, to generalize about "Asian elders" and how they're treated compared to elders in the U.S. (which oh by the way also has hundreds of ethnic groups and cultures).

I feel like there's a new troll on this board determined to criticize anyone in the U.S. whose ageing parents don't come to live with them or who talks about how hard it is to deal with and care for ageing parents. Maybe the OP is that troll, maybe not, but let's not have a romantic, dreamy view that "if only we were like 'the Asians' our eldercare problems would magically disappear."

I've noticed this too.

[Anonymous]

and not to shame people, but the health needs/demands of elderly who grew up with a fully American diet, activity level, etc. is really, really different than your average Asian elder.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:and not to shame people, but the health needs/demands of elderly who grew up with a fully American diet, activity level, etc. is really, really different than your average Asian elder.

My parents ate super healthy and got plenty of exercise. Alzheimers is a beast and the health demands were/are excruciating between the behavioral issues and personality changes, motor planning issues and falls and then the long slow awful decline into total dependence.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think traditional Asian families tend to care for their elderly parents at home, if at all possible. It seems only Americans are eager to quickly find ‘a place for mom’ institution. Unless absolutely necessary, the American way is tragic.

You sound unhinged. Dramatic much?

PP, unhinged? Really? YOU are the one that sounds dramatic.

It is very sad how Americans view old age and caring for their parents. It is a tragedy and it's sad that people like you continue to try and normalize the practice of sending parents away to be someone else's problem in old age.

I’m PP above with the example of my late father.

It’s often impractical, impossible and unworkable to move an elderly
parent into a family home. My current home would never work because we have a split level with bedrooms on 2 upper levels. We’d have to extensively renovate. Also there’s a physically demanding part of home health care that most younger people would struggle to do on a daily basis. There was no way my 100 pound mom with osteoporosis was going to assist my dad with bathing or dressing.

And you think he got good care wherever you put him? If so, you are lucky.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:and not to shame people, but the health needs/demands of elderly who grew up with a fully American diet, activity level, etc. is really, really different than your average Asian elder.

My parents ate super healthy and got plenty of exercise. Alzheimers is a beast and the health demands were/are excruciating between the behavioral issues and personality changes, motor planning issues and falls and then the long slow awful decline into total dependence.

I think that generation didn’t exercise the way it is promoted now. My 60-something Asian mom scolds me for strength training saying that “your skin will start hanging” and she doesn’t even want me to climb stairs. If all your parents did was walk and tai tai, that’s not enough.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m an Asian immigrant and the oldest daughter of my family. My mom prefers to live with me in US but I said no. She has good health insurance in home country and can’t speak English or drive. It’ll be too much of a burden on me as I work full time and my kids are still young. She has her own house but chose to go to a nursing home. I pay for the cost and send her extra money from time to time. Have to admit I feel very guilty not to fulfill her wish, but on the other hand, I don’t want to die before her. It was extremely stressful every time she visited us in US for even a few months.

It's stressful because she can't speak English nor drive. She would be essentially infantilized if she moved here.
You chose to move here so chose this outcome for her. That is why you feel guilty.
Did your parents talk to you about life choices and taking the long view? Most Asians don't and just assume the culture will enforce familial expectations. In Asia, most grandparents care for the grandchildren, relieving the parents of that huge domestic stressor.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m pretty sure that a residential care facility I pass daily in Silver Spring was established by the Korean American community.

Then there’s these facilities:

Howard County and Baltimore County, Maryland

Lorien Health Services Korean Senior Care Centers

Lorien Health Services offers three Korean Senior Care Centers in the state of Maryland: Columbia, Mays Chapel, and Golden Living. All three locations provide residents with traditional meals cooked by Korean chefs, Korean games like yoot, and Korean newspapers and TV shows. Staff speak multiple languages and visiting pastors host religious ceremonies in Korean. Across the three centers, seniors can access skilled nursing care, assisted living services, ventilator care, and independent living.

Ellicott City, Maryland

Morning Glory Assisted Living

Morning Glory Assisted Living is an assisted living home with room to care for eight elderly Korean-speaking residents. Best of all, individuals who qualify for the Medicaid waiver may be able to receive full financial aid to live at Morning Glory. Give its website a look to learn more — it's primarily written in Korean!

Well, Koreans have eagerly dumped their children into orphanages for decades so it's not surprising that they would dump their elderly too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No typically not.

The main reason?

Because it is a well-known fact that Asian people NEVER age.

Lol. 😂

Well played.
Thx for the laugh.

So true though!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m an Asian immigrant and the oldest daughter of my family. My mom prefers to live with me in US but I said no. She has good health insurance in home country and can’t speak English or drive. It’ll be too much of a burden on me as I work full time and my kids are still young. She has her own house but chose to go to a nursing home. I pay for the cost and send her extra money from time to time. Have to admit I feel very guilty not to fulfill her wish, but on the other hand, I don’t want to die before her. It was extremely stressful every time she visited us in US for even a few months.

It's stressful because she can't speak English nor drive. She would be essentially infantilized if she moved here.
You chose to move here so chose this outcome for her. That is why you feel guilty.
Did your parents talk to you about life choices and taking the long view? Most Asians don't and just assume the culture will enforce familial expectations. In Asia, most grandparents care for the grandchildren, relieving the parents of that huge domestic stressor.

Are you Asian PP? If you’re not, you don’t have the right to shade the original PP about her parents. I don’t think you realize how different Asian Asian parents are from American or even Asian American parents. There is the expectation of subservience and servitude that is very difficult to swallow for any adult child who wants to live their own life and the helplessness is very off putting. Sometimes, they just want you to do things for them as some test of loyalty or to show others in the community about how much they can control you. My own mother asked to come stay with me in the US and I said yes knowing I wouldn’t follow through. The fact that I couldn’t be honest with her speaks to my anxiety in dealing with her drama and tantrums. You don’t know anything about Asian culture PP. Btw, it isn’t grandparents who care for children in Asia as much as the cheap household live in help. The grandparents themselves are probably burdening the poor family maid who also has to care for the employers kids.