Reply to Do Asian elders typically go to nursing homes?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I’m an Asian immigrant and the oldest daughter of my family. My mom prefers to live with me in US but I said no. She has good health insurance in home country and can’t speak English or drive. It’ll be too much of a burden on me as I work full time and my kids are still young. She has her own house but chose to go to a nursing home. I pay for the cost and send her extra money from time to time. Have to admit I feel very guilty not to fulfill her wish, but on the other hand, I don’t want to die before her. It was extremely stressful every time she visited us in US for even a few months. [/quote]

It's stressful because she can't speak English nor drive.  She would be essentially infantilized if she moved here.  
You chose to move here so chose this outcome for her.  That is why you feel guilty.
Did your parents talk to you about life choices and taking the long view?  Most Asians don't and just assume the culture will enforce familial expectations.  In Asia, most grandparents care for the grandchildren, relieving the parents of that huge domestic stressor.  
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