Do Asian elders typically go to nursing homes?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My Indian MIL will! No way she’s staying with me so….

I will never understand why racist white women marry Indian men. I know SO MANY OF THEM. Your husband is a total loser if he didn't prep you for his family. You have a HUSBAND problem, not an MIL problem.

Lol it doesn’t make us racist to refuse to accept the internalized misogyny of so many women in your culture. That’s why my my DH and I moved far away from them. Worked out for us

[Anonymous]

My MIL will not go to a nursing home. She's 83 yo with mild dementia. We hired someone for her at home. She needs someone who speaks Cantonese.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No bc they are too smart to give all their hard-earned $ to a nursing facility. They move in with family who inherit what’s left.

^This!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:After my mom died, my father and sibling moved to my parents home country. Life is affordable, including in home care, driver, cleaners, etc. they own a home in a cosmopolitan city with great private hospitals, uber, delivery from great restaurants, Amazon, etc. American retirement funds stretch far there and my father is living in dignity, speaking his mother tongue, eating his native food, in his religious tradition surrounded by relatives and trusted caregivers. I would recommend others consider it.

Your sibling or his sibling?

[Anonymous]

The African woman who cared for my elderly mom told me no African would have a stranger care for their parent.

😶

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Asians used to have joint families, love/respect for elderly, females tend to be SAHM and hiring help was rather affordable, hence it was doable to care for elders at home. Also there were no good nursing homes and often unaffordability, guilt, social condemnation were deciding factors.

Asian-American families here are in a different world. They have nuclear families and female working so its tougher to do it at home. Asian-Americans who immigrated as adults, often get their parents here and end up caring for them at home as parents are familiar with life here and it's difficult to adopt in old age. Many doesn't understand english well enough so its tougher for them to live in a nursing home.

Its tough regardless of race, both on elderly and for caregiver, specially if caregiver has small children, bad health or limited budget.

For Chinese families isn’t more of an obligation to care for the son’s parents than the daughter’s?

I heard that is one reason more girls were put up for adoption than boys. (In mainland China , where they do not have social security, a was like an insurance policy).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My Indian MIL will! No way she’s staying with me so….

I will never understand why racist white women marry Indian men. I know SO MANY OF THEM. Your husband is a total loser if he didn't prep you for his family. You have a HUSBAND problem, not an MIL problem.

Maybe her MIL is not a nice person?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In Japan, of course there are plenty of nursing homes. My grandparents were each in their own home, due to dementia. My grandfather was difficult and hated his, my grandmother was lovely and patient and was well cared for. In Japan they try to pair Kindergartens with nursing homes, so that the little kids can visit the elders regularly. It made my Grandma so happy, because she was really a child herself, and my K-aged children were here in the US - not exactly great for weekly visits.

They do this in China too.

IT is brilliant, because the kid’s working parents may not have much time for them during the day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thank you for the post on Jarher! Would love any other suggestions on Mandarin speaking AL or senior center communities. My parents just told me they are looking to move to DMV next year so I’m in full research mode to help.

I think there are quite a few adult daycares in Rockville that primarily serve Mandarin-speaking elders. I visited one called A+ that seemed fairly nice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think traditional Asian families tend to care for their elderly parents at home, if at all possible. It seems only Americans are eager to quickly find ‘a place for mom’ institution. Unless absolutely necessary, the American way is tragic.

Its because elder Americans have medicaid and medicare and decent nursing homes AND women aren't seen as unpaid home help.

In countries where they keep elders at home, they don't have governmental help or retirement income but they do have hired help or can force daughters in law to stay home ti do eldercare, childcare and house chores.

[Anonymous]

Also in those countries, parents also let adult kids and their families stay with them and inherit houses.

[Anonymous]

And in America, people get financial aid and can take student loans while in other countries, parents pay for it all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Long slow death is tragic no matter who you are

This^. I think kids should visit nursing homes regularly to comfort parents, to monitor and be advocates for their parent's care. People can keep elders at homes but not really care for them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think traditional Asian families tend to care for their elderly parents at home, if at all possible. It seems only Americans are eager to quickly find ‘a place for mom’ institution. Unless absolutely necessary, the American way is tragic.

The Asian way can be tragic too. ILs are in serious medical trouble, one with moderate dementia that is progressing quickly and the other spouse with severe illness that don't allow them to care for themselves. Siblings are in extreme disagreement over how to care for them. There is a daughter who lives near by and the current plan seems to be to put the full weight of elder care on her.
Better to come up with a plan early that includes home care but realized that at some point you need to pivot to a facility. And home care is only possible in this situation because someone is sacrificing their life entirely to make it happen.

Yes, it works out pretty well for the sons, but not the daughters. I suppose that's okay if that doesn't matter to you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think traditional Asian families tend to care for their elderly parents at home, if at all possible. It seems only Americans are eager to quickly find ‘a place for mom’ institution. Unless absolutely necessary, the American way is tragic.

Well that was quick, sigh. Asians can be Americans too. Especially if they're on DCUM

+100

My first thought too.