Trying to decide whether we should stay at private or go back to public

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We were at public school for 2 years and then switched to private school this year for third grade, mainly due to Covid. Interestingly, my son was one of 5 new kids this year in third grade, so not the only new kid.

Anyhow, it's been one year at private school and I'm trying to decide if we want to stay for another year or go back to public. Finances are not an issue.

The issue is more: is private worth the tuitition money? I'm really not sure at this point. I'm a lot less enthusiastic now after one year than I was this past fall.

Here are the pros of private in my opinion and the cons:

Pros:
-Good Covid protocols and while masks are optional, half of the class still wears them, including my child. My child is not made to feel different because he still wears a mask all day. Some kids even wear their mask at recess still. Most parents are very Covid cautious and there have been no outbreaks in the class.
-Academics are strong and my child is ahead of grade level compared to public school in terms of what they're learning
-Small class sizes and lots of individual attention. My son's public school teachers never knew him as well as the private school teachers do
-Doing better overall in the smaller class setting than in the larger public school classes


Cons:
-Expensive
-Tiny grade of 25 so very few kids to be friends with through the years
-The school claimed their sense of community is warm and welcoming but I have not found this. I have set up dozens of playdates over the year and none have been reciprocated. My child has lots of friends in his class and I am setting up playdates with these kids but my son has not been invited to anything at all all year.
-There have been a few family social events and people are friendly but not interested in being actual friends, which is hugely disappointing
-The specials are weak--art, music, and PE compared to public school. I feel like the art my child brings home from art class, for instance, is very disappointing in terms of the art projects they do compared to at public school.

I'm trying to figure out what we should do for next year. Any thoughts? The community thing is big for us because we were hoping the school would be a source of new friendships.

Where were you for kinder?
Did you have the community you wanted in public? It seems like maybe you didn't if you were seeking it in private to such a degree?
What district are you in? Is public a neighborhood school?
Will the grade expand in 4th, 5th, or 6th?
Do you think the social scene will be better as people adjust to covid being endemic?
Is your child upset about social things? Or just you?

I'm just having a hard time with your self assessment that your child is getting a better education, the money doesn't matter, and you want to leave.
Something is not ringing true here, or maybe just not fully explained.

[Anonymous]

Struggling with the same thing here, except my kid is in 5th grade. Doing quite well at private, appreciate the smaller class sizes and teacher involvement, but kid doesn't "love" the experience overall and wants to go back to public.

But 6th grade in our area is middle school, and I've been hearing so much about problems in middle school - larger class sizes, discipline issues, bad social behavior with texting and bullying... I don't want to switch back and both of us regret it. I just don't know what I don't know about pubic middle school vs. private.

I already signed the contract but haven't paid more than the deposit, so I think I could back out and just lose the deposit...which is a lot less than the full year's tuition...

I'm thinking of giving it one year - first year middle school in private - and see if kid still wants to go back.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. A big part of the reason why we decided to go with private school this year was because of the warm, welcoming community that the school advertises. Well unfortunately we have not "found our people" this past year. We did not know anyone at the school prior to going, we have attended every school-sponsored social activity, and while the other moms are pleasant at these activities, they clearly are not interested in being friends with me or being family friends.

I only have two friends outside of school, we are new to the area (moved here 5 years ago) and we have no local family. I was really hoping that this school would be the place where we would finally "find our people" and make long-lasting friendships for both my child and us as a family. I've invited many kids over for playdates, and these have not been reciprocated. We hosted a few parties at our house for the class/parents, and nothing reciprocated there either. My child was invited to one birthday party this year, and that was it--no playdates or anything. I feel like how is my child going to build strong friendships if these friendships are only school-based? My child is always complaining that there's not enough recess time to have fun with his friends.

When I was growing up, I also went to private school. Every weekend a friend would be over at my house or I would be at theirs. We made family friends at school who we did things with, even though most of these friends lived 20-30 minutes from me. We ended up spending holidays with these families too. Distance didn't seem to be as big of an issue back then for maintaining friendships outside of school. Similar to my son's grade, my grade was also very small (I had 35 kids in my class).

Every private we visited touted the same thing and this was before covid. We settled on one and it’s precisely the opposite of that. It seemingly makes sense that privates would have a “community” feel. It’s an easy marketing sell that no one would question. Won’t fall for that again and not looking back.

[Anonymous]

OP here again. Yes, my child became great friends with the 5 new kids to the class this year. I specifically tried to become friends with those moms and we have mainly invited those kids/families over for playdates and get togethers. However, it is clear that none of these moms are interested in being friends with me.

My child is neutral about whether he wants to stay or go back to public. I worry that at his current school he has run out of kids to be friends with already given the small class sizes.

We were at public for Kinder and first, then second was virtual the entire year. My son made one good friend in Kinder/first but overall we were not successful there socially either and had the same thing happen with playdates and meetups (I was the one always reaching out and setting up playdates, nothing reciprocated). I was the room parent both years, hoping to meet other moms, so I volunteered a lot at the school. I did meet one mom friend that way but they moved away after Kinder.

So we didn't find a sense of community at public school either. My son was only invited to one birthday party in Kinder and first (the one friend he did make). My son also seemed overwhelmed by the large, chaotic class sizes and always came home upset about something that happened at school socially.

There are no kids in the neighborhood around my son's age, so public school will not be a way to make better neighborhood friends, our neighborhood has lots of babies and lots of high schoolers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. A big part of the reason why we decided to go with private school this year was because of the warm, welcoming community that the school advertises. Well unfortunately we have not "found our people" this past year. We did not know anyone at the school prior to going, we have attended every school-sponsored social activity, and while the other moms are pleasant at these activities, they clearly are not interested in being friends with me or being family friends.

I only have two friends outside of school, we are new to the area (moved here 5 years ago) and we have no local family. I was really hoping that this school would be the place where we would finally "find our people" and make long-lasting friendships for both my child and us as a family. I've invited many kids over for playdates, and these have not been reciprocated. We hosted a few parties at our house for the class/parents, and nothing reciprocated there either. My child was invited to one birthday party this year, and that was it--no playdates or anything. I feel like how is my child going to build strong friendships if these friendships are only school-based? My child is always complaining that there's not enough recess time to have fun with his friends.

When I was growing up, I also went to private school. Every weekend a friend would be over at my house or I would be at theirs. We made family friends at school who we did things with, even though most of these friends lived 20-30 minutes from me. We ended up spending holidays with these families too. Distance didn't seem to be as big of an issue back then for maintaining friendships outside of school. Similar to my son's grade, my grade was also very small (I had 35 kids in my class).

Every private we visited touted the same thing and this was before covid. We settled on one and it’s precisely the opposite of that. It seemingly makes sense that privates would have a “community” feel. It’s an easy marketing sell that no one would question. Won’t fall for that again and not looking back.

I am a PP a couple posts up. I also found the same at our school, though I admit I haven't tried hard and don't really care much about that aspect. TBH, I think one of the factors is just the distance apart everyone lives, which is probably similar at most privates. I have found the most friends just in our neighborhood by virtue of simply hanging out outside and the kids playing and riding bikes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here again. Yes, my child became great friends with the 5 new kids to the class this year. I specifically tried to become friends with those moms and we have mainly invited those kids/families over for playdates and get togethers. However, it is clear that none of these moms are interested in being friends with me.

My child is neutral about whether he wants to stay or go back to public. I worry that at his current school he has run out of kids to be friends with already given the small class sizes.

We were at public for Kinder and first, then second was virtual the entire year. My son made one good friend in Kinder/first but overall we were not successful there socially either and had the same thing happen with playdates and meetups (I was the one always reaching out and setting up playdates, nothing reciprocated). I was the room parent both years, hoping to meet other moms, so I volunteered a lot at the school. I did meet one mom friend that way but they moved away after Kinder.

So we didn't find a sense of community at public school either. My son was only invited to one birthday party in Kinder and first (the one friend he did make). My son also seemed overwhelmed by the large, chaotic class sizes and always came home upset about something that happened at school socially.

There are no kids in the neighborhood around my son's age, so public school will not be a way to make better neighborhood friends, our neighborhood has lots of babies and lots of high schoolers.

Move him to public.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP have you tried specifically to be social with the 5 other new kids and their families?

Give me a break.

Are you the OP?

[Anonymous]

Per OP, OP's child is thriving in the small class sizes, has friends at school, is academically ahead of where he'd be in public, and kids come to playdates when invited.

I don't understand all the people telling OP to switch back to public. And OP's emphasis on school as a source of her own friendships is so heavy I thought this was a troll post.

[Anonymous]

I'm just confused about all the posters talking about the lack of community at their schools...

This has not been my experience at all. I'm wondering if these posters are the outliers...of if I am.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Per OP, OP's child is thriving in the small class sizes, has friends at school, is academically ahead of where he'd be in public, and kids come to playdates when invited.

I don't understand all the people telling OP to switch back to public. And OP's emphasis on school as a source of her own friendships is so heavy I thought this was a troll post.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Per OP, OP's child is thriving in the small class sizes, has friends at school, is academically ahead of where he'd be in public, and kids come to playdates when invited.

I don't understand all the people telling OP to switch back to public. And OP's emphasis on school as a source of her own friendships is so heavy I thought this was a troll post.

Strongly disagree as others here as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm just confused about all the posters talking about the lack of community at their schools...

This has not been my experience at all. I'm wondering if these posters are the outliers...of if I am.

Some of the same posters talk about how much they hate the school they chose and look down on it, so I think it would be rather difficult to have that attitude and then really enjoy being around all the people who disagree with you and love the school and its community. I think it would be hard to become a genuine part of a community you disrespect so much that you trash it on DCUM daily. Sometimes, you really have to take this cite with a shaker of salt.

[Anonymous]

I understand hoping that the school families would become friends with your family, that’s sad it hasn’t worked out.

Since the academics are better at the private but you didn’t really make family friends at the public either, I’d say stick with the private since money isn’t an issue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm just confused about all the posters talking about the lack of community at their schools...

This has not been my experience at all. I'm wondering if these posters are the outliers...of if I am.

Some of the same posters talk about how much they hate the school they chose and look down on it, so I think it would be rather difficult to have that attitude and then really enjoy being around all the people who disagree with you and love the school and its community. I think it would be hard to become a genuine part of a community you disrespect so much that you trash it on DCUM daily. Sometimes, you really have to take this cite with a shaker of salt.

Interesting.

And this is why people are telling OP to leave private? Because she's focused on how her needs are not being met instead of realizing how her child is benefiting?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm just confused about all the posters talking about the lack of community at their schools...

This has not been my experience at all. I'm wondering if these posters are the outliers...of if I am.

Some of the same posters talk about how much they hate the school they chose and look down on it, so I think it would be rather difficult to have that attitude and then really enjoy being around all the people who disagree with you and love the school and its community. I think it would be hard to become a genuine part of a community you disrespect so much that you trash it on DCUM daily. Sometimes, you really have to take this cite with a shaker of salt.

Your assumptions are rendering those who don’t get the genuine community feel at their school as what they thought as being disrespectful. You are not being respectful to those who have experienced this and are only speculating.