Trying to decide whether we should stay at private or go back to public

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Social dynamics are important but I’m always surprised about parents who place more emphasis on this than academics. Where are they getting a better education? Unless there is a toxic bullying situation, The social stuff you can always supplement with sports- be a coach- that’s a sure fire way to meet a lot of kids and families. Plus, OP you haven’t been there SUPER long. It takes years to nestle into friendships. Some ppl find entertaining (even play dates) too much, especially during the COVID.

I know this is not the same school, due to the price tag, but my friends in one school have pointed out how families who came into their small community during Covid from public, immediately started making "subtle, constructive" digs at the things that made their school, "them" like discipline, uniform policies, more paper compared to tech....and they got tired of hearing it.

They socialize in an "everyone in the class is invited to the birthday party" way but avoid being cornered in the kitchen with the family who seems so hard to please, and whose kid(s) are unkind/impolite/pushy to the kids of people they have known for years.

Not saying that this is OPs situation, but it is something I heard about a lot this month, especially kids announcing to their class they are leaving when there is a conflict, without parents realizing they are making these announcements.

So basically what your saying is that your friends didn’t like when a new person started asking questions and holding a mirror to things that may have been overlooking or convincing themselves were better than they really are? I sincerely doubt that all(or the majority) new kids are unkind/impolite/pushy anymore than those that have been there for years. And kids announcing they are leaving is because a) kids have terrible filters and awareness of what not to say (this is very normal), and b)these kids are probably happy or unhappy about the decision .

Agree. I think private school parents are especially sensitive to criticism of their families kids’ schools, especially when it comes from parents formerly in public school. Take your head out of the sand - some of these complaints are legitimate. But then that would force you to self evaluate and take action.

Do you allow for the possibility that they disagree with you? I have friends who talk about things they love about their shcool that I would not like, and I love things about my school that I've heard others complain about (fundamental things). There are a few things I wish were different at my kids' school, but not big enough of a deal that I'd change schools over it -- I know the grass isn't greener, as we've been in public and private schools. On balance, I certainly prefer where my kids are now, but if I felt differently, I'd move them again. I would not, however, try to convince the world that my opinion about that was the one and only correct view of the world and that all should follow me. That would be silly. Reasonable minds can and do disagree.

[Anonymous]

OP, it sounds like part of the reason you chose the school you did was because of their covid safety procedures and because, as a group, families largely took covid safety seriously. (My daughter attends a similar school.)

The flip side of that coin, however, is that there are far fewer social events than there were pre-covid, and it has undoubtedly been difficult for new families to make community connections. Most birthday parties have been no more than a handful of kids, if they happened at all. Most families pulled back and only did playdates with a few other families who they knew shared their level of Covid risk tolerance and exposure. I haven't seen some casual mom friends with whom I used to chat, go for coffee, etc. in nearly two years. When people do their calculation of risk, these events (especially when they involve developing new relationships v. maintaining old) often don't seem worth it.

And now the habit has formed for many people of doing less and/or doing things with a smaller group. You can find lots of articles about how society as a whole has changed, and many people are feeling they need to relearn how to socialize...or choosing not to do so nearly as much. All of this helps explain why this year may have been particularly difficult to be new.

Given that your child his happy, the academics are strong, and the situation wasn't any better when you were in public school, I would give it at least another year (and maybe more) to see if relationships develop with time and a return to more normal socializing.

I would also set a goal for yourself of seeking out social relationships outside of the school. Does your child have an extracurricular activity they're involved with? Can you work to develop friends there? Some of our best whole-family friends come from my daughter's sports, rather than school. Do YOU have a hobby that you could use to seek out like-minded community? What about your spouse? It's perfectly understandable to hope that the school becomes a source of this community, but it also makes sense to seek it out in other ways and places.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, it sounds like part of the reason you chose the school you did was because of their covid safety procedures and because, as a group, families largely took covid safety seriously. (My daughter attends a similar school.)

The flip side of that coin, however, is that there are far fewer social events than there were pre-covid, and it has undoubtedly been difficult for new families to make community connections. Most birthday parties have been no more than a handful of kids, if they happened at all. Most families pulled back and only did playdates with a few other families who they knew shared their level of Covid risk tolerance and exposure. I haven't seen some casual mom friends with whom I used to chat, go for coffee, etc. in nearly two years. When people do their calculation of risk, these events (especially when they involve developing new relationships v. maintaining old) often don't seem worth it.

And now the habit has formed for many people of doing less and/or doing things with a smaller group. You can find lots of articles about how society as a whole has changed, and many people are feeling they need to relearn how to socialize...or choosing not to do so nearly as much. All of this helps explain why this year may have been particularly difficult to be new.

Given that your child his happy, the academics are strong, and the situation wasn't any better when you were in public school, I would give it at least another year (and maybe more) to see if relationships develop with time and a return to more normal socializing.

I would also set a goal for yourself of seeking out social relationships outside of the school. Does your child have an extracurricular activity they're involved with? Can you work to develop friends there? Some of our best whole-family friends come from my daughter's sports, rather than school. Do YOU have a hobby that you could use to seek out like-minded community? What about your spouse? It's perfectly understandable to hope that the school becomes a source of this community, but it also makes sense to seek it out in other ways and places.

I agree with this. Covid has just made everything weird and been particularly hard on community.

Also be aware that if you went to those parent socials and talked about how you came to private school because of covid concerns, you're so happy with the school's precautions, etc. (all reasonable things to say) you likely gave the impression that you're super covid-cautious, and that decreased the odds of people inviting you/your child to things because they thought you wouldn't attend/wouldn't approve/would look down on them/etc.. During covid life became a game of trying to figure out what people's comfort levels were and how to relate across them, and it was exhausting. My child absolutely lost friendships with classmates whose parents were super cautious and won't allow any in person social activities, even outdoors.

[Anonymous]

If you aren’t excited to be there then leave and save your money for other more worthwhile experiences for you child. Maybe a summer traveling around Europe , that’s still less than 35k. I’m not being a jerk, serious about paying for experiences that add value to life rather than private school just because it is private. It’s okay to stitch back if you want.