Trying to decide whether we should stay at private or go back to public

[Anonymous]

What is this play date crap? Never had these as a kid. My kids spend plenty of time with friends during the week at school and extracurriculars (10-11 hours a day Monday thru Friday!). The weekend is focused on FAMILY TIME.

My theory is that play dates are just a euphemism for free babysitting bc parents rather be on their phone rather than spending quality time. Whatever happened to spending family time on weekends? Or kids can just go outside and find friends to play with on the neighborhood.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What is this play date crap? Never had these as a kid. My kids spend plenty of time with friends during the week at school and extracurriculars (10-11 hours a day Monday thru Friday!). The weekend is focused on FAMILY TIME.

My family is similar in that my kids spend plenty of time with their friends during the week, and that due to our demanding jobs and their early bedtimes we don't get enough time with them during the week. So we try to spend time as a family on weekends. We did some playdates earlier in the year so our child could get to know her new classmates better but there's no need for that now.

[Anonymous]

When your kids move out at 18, I wonder if you’ll say, “I wish they had had more play dates on the weekends.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Go back to public, private is not worth the money.

110%
-Private School Mom

Lol, you couldn’t pay me to send my kid to the crap show happening in public schools right now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Go to public, make the switch now before later.

With all sincerity from a private school parent.

It’s so obvious you’re not a “private school parent”.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here again. Yes, my child became great friends with the 5 new kids to the class this year. I specifically tried to become friends with those moms and we have mainly invited those kids/families over for playdates and get togethers. However, it is clear that none of these moms are interested in being friends with me.

My child is neutral about whether he wants to stay or go back to public. I worry that at his current school he has run out of kids to be friends with already given the small class sizes.

We were at public for Kinder and first, then second was virtual the entire year. My son made one good friend in Kinder/first but overall we were not successful there socially either and had the same thing happen with playdates and meetups (I was the one always reaching out and setting up playdates, nothing reciprocated). I was the room parent both years, hoping to meet other moms, so I volunteered a lot at the school. I did meet one mom friend that way but they moved away after Kinder.

So we didn't find a sense of community at public school either. My son was only invited to one birthday party in Kinder and first (the one friend he did make). My son also seemed overwhelmed by the large, chaotic class sizes and always came home upset about something that happened at school socially.

There are no kids in the neighborhood around my son's age, so public school will not be a way to make better neighborhood friends, our neighborhood has lots of babies and lots of high schoolers.

OP, it sounds as though you are hoping that whatever school your son attends will be a source of new friendships for you. I get this, as we were also new to the area when our child started in school and I welcomed friendships. But it doesn't always happen, and it sounds like it hasn't happened for you at either public or private. I think you should remove this concern from consideration in deciding whether to keep your child at private or not.

[Anonymous]

If you want your kid to have a better shot at a good college, go back to public.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. A big part of the reason why we decided to go with private school this year was because of the warm, welcoming community that the school advertises. Well unfortunately we have not "found our people" this past year. We did not know anyone at the school prior to going, we have attended every school-sponsored social activity, and while the other moms are pleasant at these activities, they clearly are not interested in being friends with me or being family friends.

I only have two friends outside of school, we are new to the area (moved here 5 years ago) and we have no local family. I was really hoping that this school would be the place where we would finally "find our people" and make long-lasting friendships for both my child and us as a family. I've invited many kids over for playdates, and these have not been reciprocated. We hosted a few parties at our house for the class/parents, and nothing reciprocated there either. My child was invited to one birthday party this year, and that was it--no playdates or anything. I feel like how is my child going to build strong friendships if these friendships are only school-based? My child is always complaining that there's not enough recess time to have fun with his friends.

When I was growing up, I also went to private school. Every weekend a friend would be over at my house or I would be at theirs. We made family friends at school who we did things with, even though most of these friends lived 20-30 minutes from me. We ended up spending holidays with these families too. Distance didn't seem to be as big of an issue back then for maintaining friendships outside of school. Similar to my son's grade, my grade was also very small (I had 35 kids in my class).

I think in general- private school or not- people in the DC area just aren't that big on playdates. It's incredibly frustrating because my daughter is constantly asking for friends to play with, but I think most people in this area either have too many kids to deal with playdates or they're just so overbooked with extracurricular activities that they don't have time to plan or execute playdates. The only playdates my daughter has on a consistent basis are with neighborhood friends, and any other playdates with have I host without any expectation that they will be reciprocated. I used to get so annoyed with making the effort to invite all of these kids over and never get a return invite, but now I'm just resigned to the fact that that's the way people are around here.

This is likely true. Parents don’t have time to spend with their kids during the weekdays so they force “family time” on their kids during the weekends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Social dynamics are important but I’m always surprised about parents who place more emphasis on this than academics. Where are they getting a better education? Unless there is a toxic bullying situation, The social stuff you can always supplement with sports- be a coach- that’s a sure fire way to meet a lot of kids and families. Plus, OP you haven’t been there SUPER long. It takes years to nestle into friendships. Some ppl find entertaining (even play dates) too much, especially during the COVID.

I know this is not the same school, due to the price tag, but my friends in one school have pointed out how families who came into their small community during Covid from public, immediately started making "subtle, constructive" digs at the things that made their school, "them" like discipline, uniform policies, more paper compared to tech....and they got tired of hearing it.

They socialize in an "everyone in the class is invited to the birthday party" way but avoid being cornered in the kitchen with the family who seems so hard to please, and whose kid(s) are unkind/impolite/pushy to the kids of people they have known for years.

Not saying that this is OPs situation, but it is something I heard about a lot this month, especially kids announcing to their class they are leaving when there is a conflict, without parents realizing they are making these announcements.

So basically what your saying is that your friends didn’t like when a new person started asking questions and holding a mirror to things that may have been overlooking or convincing themselves were better than they really are? I sincerely doubt that all(or the majority) new kids are unkind/impolite/pushy anymore than those that have been there for years. And kids announcing they are leaving is because a) kids have terrible filters and awareness of what not to say (this is very normal), and b)these kids are probably happy or unhappy about the decision .

[Anonymous]

Have you tried volunteering at in-person school events? That’s a good way to meet other parents. Make sure yiu target instances where parents can chat while volunteering (book fair, event planning, teacher luncheons, etc).

Maybe send an email to the class asking about summer plans to see if kids are going to camps, etc your son could attend.

It does take a while to make new friends in a middle grade like 3rd. I would just say keep at it with the play dates, etc and volunteer a bunch if you stay next year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Go to public, make the switch now before later.

With all sincerity from a private school parent.

It’s so obvious you’re not a “private school parent”.

You would be wrong.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Go back to public, private is not worth the money.

110%
-Private School Mom

Lol, you couldn’t pay me to send my kid to the crap show happening in public schools right now.

Okay. Then pay for the crap show that is happening in private.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Social dynamics are important but I’m always surprised about parents who place more emphasis on this than academics. Where are they getting a better education? Unless there is a toxic bullying situation, The social stuff you can always supplement with sports- be a coach- that’s a sure fire way to meet a lot of kids and families. Plus, OP you haven’t been there SUPER long. It takes years to nestle into friendships. Some ppl find entertaining (even play dates) too much, especially during the COVID.

I know this is not the same school, due to the price tag, but my friends in one school have pointed out how families who came into their small community during Covid from public, immediately started making "subtle, constructive" digs at the things that made their school, "them" like discipline, uniform policies, more paper compared to tech....and they got tired of hearing it.

They socialize in an "everyone in the class is invited to the birthday party" way but avoid being cornered in the kitchen with the family who seems so hard to please, and whose kid(s) are unkind/impolite/pushy to the kids of people they have known for years.

Not saying that this is OPs situation, but it is something I heard about a lot this month, especially kids announcing to their class they are leaving when there is a conflict, without parents realizing they are making these announcements.

So basically what your saying is that your friends didn’t like when a new person started asking questions and holding a mirror to things that may have been overlooking or convincing themselves were better than they really are? I sincerely doubt that all(or the majority) new kids are unkind/impolite/pushy anymore than those that have been there for years. And kids announcing they are leaving is because a) kids have terrible filters and awareness of what not to say (this is very normal), and b)these kids are probably happy or unhappy about the decision .

Agree. I think private school parents are especially sensitive to criticism of their families kids’ schools, especially when it comes from parents formerly in public school. Take your head out of the sand - some of these complaints are legitimate. But then that would force you to self evaluate and take action.

[Anonymous]

I’m saying this as a private school parent. If you think private school is your saving grace, you’ll be sorely disappointed.
I cannot recommend enough not to move to private. Did so before covid and regret it.

[Anonymous]

Yeah, based on the social media pages for schools in this area that I've seen, students who still wear masks indoors are in the clear minority and almost no one is doing it outdoors.