Unreasonable request?

[Anonymous]

I’d find a nearby airB&B, send her the link, and let her know that with two young kids at your house she’s better off for her recovery if she stays nearby.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't think that's an unreasonable request, to be honest. I'd be happy to let my family stay with us if we had the room. I would not be 'hosting' them, as in serving them and treating them like guests, but they can stay as part of the family. They'd be welcome to join us for our usual meals and activities or do their own thing.

It's fine if you have a different reaction. However, your DH also has a lot to say about it. I would be very pissed off if my DH said no to this. I would do the same for his family.

I tend to agree with this. In addition, I'd consider rescheduling your parents' visit if having people in your house is so stressful. This seems like a more important reason to have someone there than a purely social visit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think that's an unreasonable request, to be honest. I'd be happy to let my family stay with us if we had the room. I would not be 'hosting' them, as in serving them and treating them like guests, but they can stay as part of the family. They'd be welcome to join us for our usual meals and activities or do their own thing.

It's fine if you have a different reaction. However, your DH also has a lot to say about it. I would be very pissed off if my DH said no to this. I would do the same for his family.

I tend to agree with this. In addition, I'd consider rescheduling your parents' visit if having people in your house is so stressful. This seems like a more important reason to have someone there than a purely social visit.

Except if her DH travels a lot, then OP is left holding the bag as far as hosting, getting sucked into helping with SIL, dealing with the now-crazy kids, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My SIL lives overseas. She is single with no kids, never been married. She is well off and has plenty of money. She asked if she could stay with us for a "few weeks" including my MIL so that she can have knee surgery in the states. She wants MIL there to help take care of her. DH and I have crazy, hectic lives. He travels frequently for work. I work full time from home and have 2 kids, ages 6 and 9. When SIL and MIL visit, the kids are intense. They want to spend every second with them and sleep with them at night. My parents are already coming for a week in May. If I have to have back to back visitors for an entire month (or likely longer) when the kids are in school, I might literally lose my mind. It will be so disruptive and the kids will never go to sleep at night. I told DH this is an unreasonable request. She has money and can rent a place for a month if having the surgery in the US is that important. Having to go to sleep and wake up with people in my house everyday just takes its toll on me. We have a large house but I don't think this means I have to offer it anytime someone wants it. Am I being unreasonable? How would you handle it?

It is not an unreasonable request, but you can say 'no' if the arrangement does not work for you.

I would say though that big part of you 'crazy, hectic life' is likely to be your mindset. You work full time and your kids are at school from morning till afternoon. That's neither crazy nor hectic. Having family in the house is 'so disruprive' that you will 'literally lose your mind'? Let the kids spend time with the family in the evenings (might actually give you some freedom during those hours) and then say just 'no' to them sleeping with the MIL, SIL. You run the household, not the 9 and 6 year olds. No need to make a problem out of everything.

It is not a mindset. My husband travels a few days a week and my kids attend 2 different schools. I have to get 2 kids ready in the morning and drive them to two different schools. I have to pick them up in the afternoon at 2 different times while I'm trying to work. I then have to make dinner and manage bedtime by myself and then have to go back to my desk to get the work done that I wasn't doing when I was picking them up. One kid is having all sorts of behavior issues at school. I take that child to therapy appointments each week and have to deal with communications with the school every week. Sleep is critical for both my kids. It sounds easy to say "no" to sleeping together but even if that worked, they will fight bedtime every night because they are so overstimulated by visitors. MIL was just here for 5 days. Kids would not go to bed on time. Every night was 2 hours later than usual.

Other than maybe the first few days, your SIL will not require your MIL to be in constant attendance, so your MIL will be available to help with the kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A one month long day is unreasonable, but you’re also being unreasonable if one week for your own family is okay but not one week for your husband‘s family.

Horse hockey. Fair is a place with rides. You don't have to do the same thing for different people. Inviting one family does not mean you have to do the same for other families.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't think it is unreasonable and I would want to try and accommodate for something serious like surgery (I would hope a sibling would support me in that situation). Can you and DH and SIL and MIL all talk about logistics. I think it would be fair to ask your DH to not travel and maybe even take some days off to support. You should all be able to discuss the potential challenges (loud and clingy children, a household that also has its own stuff to accomplish). I would definitely want to set some expectations and that might make SIL reconsider.

Having been in this situation with a sibling who did the same when his wife needed medical care, do not do this op. It's not appropriate to use your house for convalescent care. Look out for your kids first.

Don't listen to these crazies who are ignoring your situation and blaming you for the issues.

You know the correct answer here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think that's an unreasonable request, to be honest. I'd be happy to let my family stay with us if we had the room. I would not be 'hosting' them, as in serving them and treating them like guests, but they can stay as part of the family. They'd be welcome to join us for our usual meals and activities or do their own thing.

It's fine if you have a different reaction. However, your DH also has a lot to say about it. I would be very pissed off if my DH said no to this. I would do the same for his family.

I tend to agree with this. In addition, I'd consider rescheduling your parents' visit if having people in your house is so stressful. This seems like a more important reason to have someone there than a purely social visit.

OP here. My parents live out of state, I haven't seen them in 7 months. Their visits don't make my kids crazy. I planned their visit over a long holiday weekend so I would have time to spend with them. We have gone out of our way to host SIL and MIL for extended visits multiple times a year and I'm lucky if I see my parents twice a year. In this case, I would not reschedule. My SIL needs ACL surgery. It is as at least a 6 week recovery before she can fly. She said "weeks" but the reality is that it would turn into a minimum of 2 months. She can get the surgery where she lives but she doesn't want to have to hire someone to take care of her afterwards.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is neither an unreasonable request, nor is it unreasonable for you to say no. Is your husband on the same page as you? I think having him do some research into other options would be nice.

This. To be with family at a time like that sounds nice, but it doesn't work for you. Just explain that things are too crazy right now with the kids and work. It doesn't have to be a big deal.

+1 and offer to find a furnished rental whether it's an AirBnB or a StayAmerica.

[Anonymous]

Say no. Ridiculous request.

[Anonymous]

If SIL could have her surgery in the summer when the kids are not in school, could you handle that?

[Anonymous]

I would also say no to this, but I think you need to consider some other items:

1. As someone who just recently had a knee replacement, there is literally no way kods can sleep in bed with grandma. I lived in our guest room away from even my husband. Even with more minor knee surgery, you can’t have wiggly kids in the bed.

2. Surgery is exhausting. People can need to sleep for hours and hours each day. This isn’t a time to live in a house with disruptive kids if you don’t have to.

3. It really does sound like you need to work on behavioral stuff with your kids. But that isn’t the crux of the problem.

4. Why isn’t your husband offering to help SIL with care for his mother? Your husband should be volunteering for how he can help give SIL a break.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would also say no to this, but I think you need to consider some other items:

1. As someone who just recently had a knee replacement, there is literally no way kods can sleep in bed with grandma. I lived in our guest room away from even my husband. Even with more minor knee surgery, you can’t have wiggly kids in the bed.

2. Surgery is exhausting. People can need to sleep for hours and hours each day. This isn’t a time to live in a house with disruptive kids if you don’t have to.

3. It really does sound like you need to work on behavioral stuff with your kids. But that isn’t the crux of the problem.

4. Why isn’t your husband offering to help SIL with care for his mother? Your husband should be volunteering for how he can help give SIL a break.

+1 Agree with all this.

[Anonymous]

I don't think siblings are responsible for medical care for one another if the recovery is this long. She is taking advantage of op. This is an outrageous request

[Anonymous]

It’s definitely ok to say no, especially due to the timing and length of stay. However I also think you need to train your kids better so that things don’t fall apart just when the IL’s visit. That whole part of the scenario sounds strange to me too. If the 2 week summer visit is derailing them then I would end that too.

[Anonymous]

Am confused why your house is the staging ground for her recovery. If she wants MIL to care for her and MiL is willing, then SIL should go stay with MIL.

How can you deal with someone recovering from knee surgery in your house? The person I know who had this done had a bed set up in her living room and could not move.