Unreasonable request?

[Anonymous]

My SIL lives overseas. She is single with no kids, never been married. She is well off and has plenty of money. She asked if she could stay with us for a "few weeks" including my MIL so that she can have knee surgery in the states. She wants MIL there to help take care of her. DH and I have crazy, hectic lives. He travels frequently for work. I work full time from home and have 2 kids, ages 6 and 9. When SIL and MIL visit, the kids are intense. They want to spend every second with them and sleep with them at night. My parents are already coming for a week in May. If I have to have back to back visitors for an entire month (or likely longer) when the kids are in school, I might literally lose my mind. It will be so disruptive and the kids will never go to sleep at night. I told DH this is an unreasonable request. She has money and can rent a place for a month if having the surgery in the US is that important. Having to go to sleep and wake up with people in my house everyday just takes its toll on me. We have a large house but I don't think this means I have to offer it anytime someone wants it. Am I being unreasonable? How would you handle it?

[Anonymous]

Your are not unreasonable. Do some research and find nearby accommodation that's make for easy visits. Couch your response in how long stays affect the kids and offer the accommodation info.

[Anonymous]

Knee surgery recovery is brutal. Why do they want to be in your house?!

Personally I would let them and set expectations with kids beforehand of not sleeping with them or being entertained by them. They’re old enough to understand.

[Anonymous]

I would let them stay, and try to carve out their own area where they will be comfortable.

Obviously are different.

[Anonymous]

Yes, it’s unreasonable. Do you have steps in your house? Can you use this as an excuse for why it wouldn’t work? Frankly, having a single story Airbnb apartment on a ground level seems like it would be the best setup for her. If this is elective, can they do it over the summer when kids are at camp?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your are not unreasonable. Do some research and find nearby accommodation that's make for easy visits. Couch your response in how long stays affect the kids and offer the accommodation info.

Agreed. Do the research and sent it to your SIL. She won't be happy (especially since your family gets to stay with you for a week) but it's also not realistic for them to stay for a month. And she will want her own space to heal.

[Anonymous]

Where does MIL live?

[Anonymous]

I would not suggest AirBnB but if you are in the DC area you can find out where there are professional long-term furnished rentals nearby which have two bedrooms and an elevator. Tell your SIL that her recovery and MILs assistance will be much better if they have their own space.

[Anonymous]

The request IS unreasonable and I don't think you should keep saying "oh won't this type of lodging work better for you?" You need to say that having them with you for a month won't work.

[Anonymous]

You have the right to refuse guests, OP. It's your house and your life.

[Anonymous]

A one month long day is unreasonable, but you’re also being unreasonable if one week for your own family is okay but not one week for your husband‘s family.

[Anonymous]

Tell your DH to tell her you can’t host for a month since it’s his sister. You def shouldn’t be the bearer of this bad news!

[Anonymous]

It is neither an unreasonable request, nor is it unreasonable for you to say no. Is your husband on the same page as you? I think having him do some research into other options would be nice.

[Anonymous]

I don't think that's an unreasonable request, to be honest. I'd be happy to let my family stay with us if we had the room. I would not be 'hosting' them, as in serving them and treating them like guests, but they can stay as part of the family. They'd be welcome to join us for our usual meals and activities or do their own thing.

It's fine if you have a different reaction. However, your DH also has a lot to say about it. I would be very pissed off if my DH said no to this. I would do the same for his family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It is neither an unreasonable request, nor is it unreasonable for you to say no. Is your husband on the same page as you? I think having him do some research into other options would be nice.

This. To be with family at a time like that sounds nice, but it doesn't work for you. Just explain that things are too crazy right now with the kids and work. It doesn't have to be a big deal.